My ex is an psycho, we have a baby together.. anyways his sister has invited me to her housewarming

Question

What should I do, should I go to be polite to her or if I don't go it could cause more tension, I don't want to insult her but I want to leave that part of my life behind, but then there's the baby thing which keeps us tied anyway! As you can tell i'm very confused!!!

Answer 1

He's your ex; you're not obligated to go to a family function. A polite refusal should be all right...no explanation other than "I have a previous commitment" is necessary.  

Answer 2

Usually when you divorce or break up it is not a good idea to keep in contact with any of his family members. The whole idea being to live separate lives. I'm sure his sister would understand that. I would buy her a housewarming card and small gift. On the card I would tell her that under the circumstances with her brother that you don't feel comfortable being around family members. Wish her well with her new home. Make a new life for your self. Your ex does not need to know anything that you are doing. If you share a child then that is all you have to share.  

Answer 3

Find out if he will be there.  If not and you feel you can go, then go.  Maybe leave the child with a sitter in case he does show up.  If you really do not feel comfortable going, then send a small gift with your apologies for not being able to make it.

Answer 4

Well, I'd ask her if he was going to be there and if he is you can't go because things between you two is bit tense at the moment...if she insists you can tell her you can stop by before the party or the next day with her gift so she can spend time with you and the baby....if it is really tense and bad they should be understanding because you don't want to ruin her party...talk to her....

good luck.

Answer 5

I don't know whether you should go to the wedding or not but I really hope you don't call your ex a "psycho" in front of the child you share. The child will certainly grow up knowing that both it's mother and father contributed to it's genetic make-up and will be concerned (whether it says so or not!) about maybe being a psycho too!!  (This happened to someone close to me and I think his mother is very insensitive to have done it)

Answer 6

I wouldn't go anywhere where you think he is. If they want to see the baby then you have them come to you. If he's got that many problems you should think about the risks.

Answer 7

If you go, there will be even more tension, because you know he will be there, since it sounds like a family function. How about you call him up and have him take the baby? That way he can spend some time with the baby and his family, and you can relax for an afternoon.  

Answer 8

Well, I could understand why should would want her niece or nephew there!  I think people are missing the big picture about that.  Be honest with her and tell her you would like to skip it because of your ex and not feeling totally comfortable but set up another time for you to see her new place and for her to spend time with the baby.

I personally would just go for the sake of the baby- it's his or her family too.  And I am sure it's more about his family wanting to see the baby more then anything.

I also agree with Charlotte K - if you don't want to go, have your ex bring the baby!  Problem solved.

Answer 9

If a lot of people will be there, and you are bringing the baby - then go.  If any problems arise, immediately leave - but don't be the one to start the problems....

If he does - after you leave - I have a strong feeling he would catch serious trouble from rest of family that wanted to see the neice or nephew and want to maintain a good enough relationship with you to make sure this happens...

Hold your chin up high, and go.    Anyone wanting to "dig for info" that is personal and private between you and ex - change the subject, have to go to bathroom, etc.....

Attending doesn't mean you have to stay late into the evening.....A 1-2 hour visit is all that is really necessary to be polite.  

Don't forget to bring small gift...

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Regardless of the relationship between your ex and you....the child still does have a right to that side of the family as do they have a right to know their relative as well.

Did you know that in many states that grandparents can now sue for visitation rights if the relationship sours (between them and ex-daughter in law) to the point where they don't get to see child(ren) now and then, they can get regular weekends just like the father can - and without paying a dime in child support.   I know several grandparents now that have their weekend each month - as ordered by a judge....

However - on the other hand - those daughter in laws who did maintain a decent relationship, and did occasionally let them have the grandbaby for an over nighter - usually made off very well and grandparents like to spend on their grandbabies....clothes....college.....

My hubby and I have 3 boys, one of the boys is divorced from the the mother of his children.   We see and talk to her sporadically - and we also send very nice checks to be spent at Christmas....  This is far more common than you think.  

Another thing you may want to think about - grandparents have a way of demanding their own son PAY CHILD SUPPORT when any type of relationship exists between them and the grandkids.....

I know we have come down hard and heavy when our own was neglecting in this area - had to for first couple years following the divorce - now we no longer have to as he has clearer understanding that kids need food regardless of his address or theirs.

So - my vote is GO.  Maintain that relationship.

Answer 10

Go.  It is your child's aunt.  It is good to try and stay on good terms even if you don't get along with the ex.

Answer 11

Absolutely not, she may be trying to push you back together. Your child may be tied to them but you are not. Post her a non acceptance card saying something like thanks ever so much for the invite but in view of yours and ex's past experiences you must decline the invite.  

Answer 12

forget about him how do you feel about her? Is she a friend? Do you want to go?  I would go with that answer