My ex wants me back.....?

Question

We broke up late last year. I ended things because we fought too much. A month later he seemed to really be improving and I suggested we get together and talk about a reconciliation. He declined, and then we didn't speak for 3 months. We've been friends for 6 months, and he admitted last week that he refused to reconcile with me because he had another girl. He assured me that going out with this girl was the best thing because it made him realise how much he loved me. I feel hurt, angry and duped because he didnt want me back then because of another woman. Ever since this revelation, I've been feeling very depressed and insecure. How do I overcome these feelings?

Please DON'T tell me to move on, I'm trying to move on, but I need some help on how to deal with this feelings. Thank you

Answer 1

Your feelings are understandable. I hope first that you realize the "other girl" does not reflect badly on you, but on your ex. It would not matter if you were a rocket scientist, Perfect 10 -- your ex has issues and is just using women to attempt to increase his own self-esteem/make himself happy. He is using you like people use TV -- to keep himself entertained. I know you are not falling for his rationalizations. You deserve better. You were right when you left him the first time. He is an unhappy man who will make the women he is with unhappy. Please realize it is not about you.

With that said....self-esteem/self worth cannot be based on other people's actions or feelings, so it must be based on certain truths you tell yourself. If you were happy with yourself and confident in your path, then he could not shake it.

Take a look at your life (with or without the ex) and decide if you are happy with yourself, where you are and where you are going. If not, this period of feeling insecure is really just your inner signal going off to let you know it is time to step up and challenge yourself to a better life. What is it that you need? It is time for change and more than likely, change that has nothing to do with the ex. Hang in there.

Good luck. Hope this helps.

Answer 2

If you don't want to hear "move on" then try this.  You SHOULD take back someone who you fought so much with you couldn't keep a relationship going.  Falling in love all over again when you think about the other chick he was bangin away on and couldn't be straight with you at the time.  It sounds like you, like so many people can't figure out why you keep burning your hand on the stove.  Match made in heaven I say.

Answer 3

my dear gal,

I have a strong feeling we have rowed in the same boat!

sorry, didn't realize it was contagious!

Just breaking up with what needs to be a real break, because that is why we call our hearts 'broken' I think....what has helped me in this feeling thing...is to make a list, after being VERY honest with myself...and list all the things that you can recall about him that made you all argue...and what are all the things about him that made you mad, nuts, angry, irritated, or just hurt...was he rude....was he mean, there are so many things to consider and you may WANT to be a little irked when you are writing this list. That way, you will be clearer to yourself, IF you are really wanting to move on.  I've had to do it! I think it was some of the best most stringent therapy that I've ever had with myself!

Would you really want to go back to the arguing times if that is all you had to look forward to? When you feel so melancholy about the 'good times' get out this list and remind  yourself, a little smack upside the head, so to speak, and tell yourself "WHAT Was I Thinking???"

Don't focus on his moving on...take your own journey, in your own time!

Take care of YOU now, honey, let the bum go his way, and focus on being the best you that you can be...there are so many wonderful blokes out there that are waiting for a sweet new gal like you!

Good luck! Keep your chin up!

Answer 4

I would agree with Joy...  "We broke up"?  I don't think so.  You got dumped.  I know this because "YOU" suggested a reconciliation.  

I know it's difficult, but you must leave this man be.  He's not interested in you.  He may sleep with you occasionally.  What single man wouldn't.  But I don't think that is the type of relationship you seek.  

And frankly, he doesn't want you.  Therefore, find some new guy to stalk...  OK?

EDIT:  OK fine your not having s*x with him.  So?  Now you're the brilliant one and everybody else is wrong....  Don't you see?  You're stuck on stupid, and insulting people that are trying to help only makes it worse.  If you would sober up, you might be able to see things straight...  However, until then, this guy needs a restraining order against you...  Because you're stalking him.

Answer 5

i would feel angry & hurt too !, i would also be flattered that he considers you much better than what he experienced with another girl.  on a positive note, he was completely honest with you, which is much better than being creepy and trying to sweet talk his way through.  have you experienced other relationships so you can tell him the same? maybe you should play the field too.

btw there is no need to move on right away but i would weigh your options to see if having him in your life would be more harm than good.  maybe a third time try on this relationship is a charm! take time and don't feel like there is a right and wrong answer, follow your intuition ! :)

Answer 6

Your gut wasn't working because he had plans all along and you know it. You just didn't want to admit it. Your husband can not take you back just because he doesn't have this other women in his life now. You have to be the one and only and i am afraid that he will keep on looking because you don't seem to be serious enough to make him think about what he has done.

Of course you are depressed, rejection is a hard emotion to deal with. However you can get over him. your not the only person who has gotten over  jerks like him and you can do it too. Stop telling yourself there is hope because there isn't. He would have to prove to me he is worth your love and that you can trust him again. that will take time. Keep telling yourself that your worth more than allowing someone to treat you anyway they want to. Love yourself first. Distance yourself from him and don't contact him until YOU want to. That may never be and if it isn't, that's fine too!

Answer 7

Sit down face to face and have a "real" talk straight from the heart.  No fighting allowed this time.  Make a list if you have to but talk quietly and gently.  Communication is the key here.  Sounds like he really does love you to me.  He didn't lie to you.  He just didn't go back with you because he had someone else for a short time.  Not a crime is it?  Don't be depressed or insecure.  Depressed because he now says he loves you?  Insecure because he had someone else for a short time?  Don't let him slip away because you feel jilted.  Your are not.  

Give him another chance and smooth your ruffled feathers!  

Answer 8

well i think he is a very good guy to not get back with you while he was seeing someone else. and i know its hard but you are the one who ended. he wasn't going to stay single forever. and him seeing how much he missed you by dating the other shouldn't make you self conscious, think of it this way... you are so great that he couldn't stay with her because you are so much better. but i know hoe you feel. it hurts. but i think if you still care about him you should give him another chance. odds are he only started seeing the other girl to get over you. and it obviously isn't work. but i also think that it is very important that you tell him how the other good made you feel. good luck.

Answer 9

I would go out with him a few times and see if your feelings are truly what you think they are.  I would also explain to him your feelings and what you are thinking.  It will not be easy but you need to ensure he basically makes up for everything that happenend in the past.  If you find that your feelings with him are not matching then you may just have a good friend.