My ex-wife cut my son's mohawk off.?

Question

I have custody of my kids. She has them every other weekend. My son gets a mohawk for football season every year. My boy told me she made him cut it off. He did not want it cut. Now, I am furious. I believe she should have consulted me first. I would have asked her if he wants it cut. Like I said, I have custody I make all the decisions about the kids. She over stepped her bounds doing that. She has not been in the kids life for a year and now wants to come back all of a sudden. What can I do? Its already done. My boy is really upset over this and doesnt want to go back with her

Answer 1

I agree with "mgnavado", what's done it's done and you really don't want to get more drama when you already have enough just with her coming around again. And involving the kids...it's not the healthiest move you can make. You kids have already been through a lot (I imagine)  the divorce, the mother not in the picture for a year, etc, etc...believe me...that's a lot for a child, I'm sure you don't want to add more to it, you seem like a nice cool dad. Talk to your boy and try not to show him how mad are you....if you do...he will not get over the fact that his mother cut off his mowhack.   Perhaps you can dye his hair the color of the team, they sell this non-permanent sprays and they look really cool in kids (my 8 year old uses it when it's soccer season, I make kind of like the flag of his favorite team on his hair....and all his teamates think it's really cool...and of course he loves it!!)

Answer 2

Aww... Poor little bugger:( That was really mean of her to do and it was a total control issue on her part!

Is it mandatory that they see her? If not I wouldn't make him go until he wants to.

Answer 3

i totally agree with deuce dude its only hair and it will grow back. and i think that people that are saying for you not to let him go over there anymore just cuz she cut his hair is TOTALLY STUPID! omg so your not gonna let your son see his mother because of a haircut?! ok yea she shouldnt have done it, but its really really not that serious!

Answer 4

the poor little guy tell him it will grow back and tell the mom she isnt getting the kids any more alone

Answer 5

She shouldn't have done that. I'd say tell your kids that with something like that to just not let her do anything with it. And tell them to call you if something like that happens again. As far as talking with her, its fairly innocent so i wouldn't even bother with it. just talk to the boys.

Answer 6

If your son did not want to cut the mohawk off and you (as primary parent) agreed with his decision, then his mom was out of line to force him to cut it off.

(Unfortunately, I've heard horror stories before about ex-spouses, in-laws, etc. cutting a child's hair without the primary parent's permission.  What a shame.)

Question...is your son allowed to call you while he's at his mom's?  I know it may be hard for him to stand up to his mother, but if she puts him in a similar position again perhaps he could give you a call before the damage is done?

And she's going to have to face the damage that she did to her relationship with her son by forcing him to cut his hair (against both your will and his).  Not a smart move from someone who has been out of their child's life for awhile and wants to rebuild the relationship.  Hair grows back rather quickly, but hurt feelings and resentment can last a looooong time!

Answer 7

I am sorry your son is upset and I think his mother was wrong BUT remember that you two once loved each other and created these children. Do what you can to preserve the contact. Pick and choose your battles and do not let your children be caught in the middle.....it is recipe for disaster.

Answer 8

You're right.  It's already done.  So, there's not much you can do about it.  

The fact that you & mom do not communicate well (and, I know, in this case, it's clearly mom that has shown disrespect to you as a parent) is not something that your son should have to be involved in, though.  Childhood is hard enough on it's own, without having to deal with that.  

So, what I'd do is say, "You know, I wish that this hadn't happened either, but mom must have misunderstood and thought that this was OK to do.  She & I have to figure out a better way to communicate & I will talk to her about it.  In the meantime, we'll just have to wait for your hair to grow back in.  Sorry about that, kiddo.  Sometimes the coolest plans we have get messed up."  

Is there any way to make his hair cool for the team, otherwise?  Maybe shave the team logo into what hair is left?  

And, then, sit down & write mom a letter, asking her to abide by whatever parenting/custody agreement you have and to consult you before making big decisions like that.  Let her know that you want to handle all of this civilly, but that the kids are very important to you & you will bring it back before the courts, if necessary.

Answer 9

tell her you don't like her cutting his hair.(i wouldn't like it if she had snippers near my head) if she still wants to act brown and mushie then tell her to go get a mohawk and cut it of.when all else fails, bring in the lawyers. good luck!!!

Answer 10

My mother had full custody of me, but always let me make the decision as to if I wanted to go see or even call my Dad. He didn't make any great effort to stay in my life and eventually I stopped feeling like I needed to call him.

Try not to be one of those people that intentionally or unintentionally obligate YOUR kids to see their mother. It is very confusing for them to have their mother gone for  a year and then all of the sudden come back. Perhaps she is even manipulating them to feel like they should see their mother often. Of course, I believe all little boys (and big boys) need a mama.

My advice is to sit your boys down and let them know that you are not happy with what happened and that you agree with them that it was wrong for her to do that to your boy. Ask them how they feel about having mom back. How they REALLY feel. Tell them they do not have to seen her except when they want to. She is their mother, but that should not be their only reason to want to see her. They need to want to be with her and want to have a relationship with her.

THEN confront her. Not on the buzzing, but on why she came back. Why she really came back. Warn her if she wants the boys to choose to keep seeing her, that she needs to listen to them and get to know them. She has been gone a year and kids change in a year. She has lost authority and trust with them. She has to earn it back from them and you.

Answer 11

It's only hair.  My son has gorgeous blond hair that my husband chopped off.  After I freaked out I realized that it's only hair..

Answer 12

I would be FUMING mad. I have a thing about my kids hair. You are the primary caretaker. YOU get the final say. Personally, I think Mohawks are the most adorable thing ever on little boys. but that aside..

She REALLY over stepped her bounds. Jot this down and take it to the next custody hearing. she's a witch.

Reassure your son it will grow back by fall. Get him some special shampoo (just for him) and tell him it's his *growing shampoo.*

Tell her if she touches your kids heads again you'll call CPS for mental abuse.

Answer 13

Why would she do that to her own kid. If it wasn't court ordered, I wouldn't make him go. I mean how can he trust her. Maybe, you can let him dye his remaining hair the school color or have his # cut into the back of his hair. He stiil needs to find some fun to it.

Answer 14

Confront the mother.

Assure your son he can grow it out again and that his rights were unjustly crossed.

Make sure he has a cell phone, even if it is a prepaid phone to take to his mothers so he can call you anywhere, anytime.

Answer 15

tell her that if she wants to be a part of their lives, she needs to follow the rules you have established.  If she doesn't like his hair, she needs to consult you before she does anything.  the good news is that your son's hair will grow back!