My family has come on board with my wedding but my future mil doesn't want them involved What do I do?

Question

okay. when me and my fiance first started planning the wedding his mother offered to help but now things have snowballed she has basically done all the planning right down to the last figure. Without any of my family in the picture. Well it is 17 days til the wedding and my family has come around and I want them in my big day. My mom is offering to pay for all the reception food and I don't know that Mil to be is going to love that one at all. I want my family involved but this woman is so organized so makes LISTS of stuff... and allot of the things she doesn't have his family but rather church people doing shouldn't my family rate more important that church people... i don't want to offend her but I want my family there! HELP!

Answer 1

I understand you wanting your family to be involved but 2 weeks before the wedding they decide this....where have they been? In the meanwhile your MIL has taken the reins and done what traditionally the bride's family does...in other words your MILhas taken up THEIR slack.......

Too late in the day........

All your family can do is call your MIL & ask/suggest what they can do but remember, MIL has put a lot of effort, time, and probably money into this, 'church people' have already committed themselves, it would be unfair at this late date to ask any of them to step aside just because your Johnny-Come -Late family has had a last minute change of heart....and my question to you is not whether your family should 'rate' more than church people, shouldn't YOU have rated more than you did with your family?

Your family may need to accept the fact that they dropped the ball and just being there is all they can really expect.....do not make an issue of this, if your family cannot get involved, it's their fault. good luck.

Answer 2

So, two weeks before the wedding , now your family wants in. Ok.

so, they get invited. First go talk to MIL, and get them invited to the wedding.

Then if MIL planned the food, and you are ok with her plans, then you can let her plans stand. Go talk to MIL, tell her your Mom might like to pay for the reception food. Assure MIL her that her hard work was appreciated, and would she mind if your Mom gave her a check/or gave the check to you for you to pay someone.

When MIL says yes, go tell your Mom that everybody is fine with her paying for the food, and tell her who to give the check to. And if Mom's next sentence has anything to do with making changes, tell her, it is too late for that, the wedding is 17 days away, things are planned, and purchased. If Mom wants to withdraw her offer to pay, then fine, but still make sure she knows she is invited.  

Answer 3

Uhh ... YOU are the bride, and it's YOUR day ...

But where has your family been all this time?  Usually it is the bride's family that does all the planning (and bears most of the cost!).  

Since your MIL has, till now, been in charge, I think it's rather wrong to impose your family's will on her at this late stage of the game.  Of course, your family should BE there, but if your family has been absent from the planning up till now, I honestly think your future MIL is within her rights to resent interference now.

But technically ... it's your call.  If your family wishes to bear some of the cost, you could convey those thoughts, but don't be surprised if you get a flat refusal.

Your future MIL sounds like a real take-charge (or maybe take-OVER) type ... hmm ... keep that in mind for the future.  In other words ... consider yourself warned.

Answer 4

Just tell her that your family is helping no matter what she says considering its your wedding, not hers.  Just let her know that your family wants to help and you want them involved in every aspect of the wedding.  If she gets mad, she'll get over it.