My family is really messed up, and I don't know what to do about it??

Question

I don't even know where to begin...my life has been living h**l since April 2007.

My parents started to fight right around then. I didn't think it was serious until one night in June. Usually it was something little, like money or something (they are HORRIBLE at handling money), but now it was something more serious.

I just remember my mom lying on the couch because she was feeling sick...my dad stormed in...at first I was going to say in a joking way, "wow, you look mad", because that's what we do is joke around, lol.

So I decided not to because he looked especially angry. He just said to my mom, "get up". And she just said "what?" And my dad kicked the couch probably 2 or 3 feet across the floor and yelled it again. So they started arguing about some questionable pictures he found in her car. Apparently my mom cheated on him, but they were getting a separation and she was extremely depressed...I could understand that. You would have had to been in that household to understand just how depressed she was.

It was probably one of the worst fights they've ever been in. We had to go to a hotel overnight...I didn't talk to my dad for days. He did apologize, and I believed he was sorry. He's a very good person and a good father...I know these things can happen with a man and a woman. I don't hold it against him anymore.

Anyway, the fights continued afterwards. I became more and more depressed and anxious. I thought that was the worst it could get, but I got a call while I was on vacation with my cousin about my parents fighting in the car...my little brother was so upset that he threw up.

While all this was happening, my best friend was dating my ex, whom I was in still very much in love with. So I still had that to worry about.

Around September, my dad moved to Florida...after a few months, taking my brother with him (we all agreed on it for different reasons).

Me and my mom moved into an apartment by ourselves, and that's when I really started to get dangerously depressed. I started cutting myself, had suicidal thoughts, was pretty much emotionless and looked close to dead in school...and my mom was out of control. We both needed some kind of therapy, but couldn't afford it because my mom didn't have enough energy anymore to go to work every day. She had a boyfriend and would constantly tell me too much about their relationship. I would end up giving my MOM relationship advice!!

After a while, she decided she missed my dad and wanted to go live with him again & start over as a family. I said I would THINK about it, but the next day she sold some of our furniture so we could go. I was upset about it and didn't really want to go, but we did anyway. It all happened in about a day and a half, so I didn't get to say bye to my best friends or anyone. On top of THAT, I found out more than half of out belongings left in the old house were thrown out by our landlord because my mom never paid the rent and didn't get all out stuff.

I was miserable in Florida, too. Neither of my parents had jobs, so it was a rarity to eat a whole dinner. I could barely go to school because I was too depressed & had a group of girls constantly harassing me.

Eventually I wanted to take action of my life and move in with my grandma..I saw no other option, because I was close to killing myself.

They all ended up coming back.

Now me, my mom and my brother live with my grandparents...my dad live with his parents. My mom is okay now, as well as my dad, but I think I'm still depressed. I stopped cutting, I stopped having suicidal thoughts, and I'm happier than I've been in over a year...but I still feel like I'm trapped in my life, like I'm helpless. I was supposed to get therapy when I got here, but it never happened because we didn't have insurance OR money. Everyone was too busy getting their lives on track, so they didn't really pay much attention to me or my brother. We're about to start school, but I'm such a wreck I don't think I can handle it. My social anxiety has gotten so much worse over this past year, it's hard to go to a mall without thinking I'm getting judged by 1/2 of the people that glance at me. I asked my mom about getting a tutor to come to our house instead of going to school this year, so I can get the help I need, but she said no. So I'm going to school.

I know I won't be able to continue without a counselor of some sort and my family is some of the hugest procrastinators I've ever seen in my whole life (hence the whole summer going by without a mention of it). What can I do in the meantime to help myself?

Sorry I wrote so much, I know that is a MASSIVE amount of reading to do.

Answer 1

Sounds hard and i'm sorry to hear that. I get depressed sometimes also, but all you can really do is go to school and find some friends to make it easier. Don't cut that does nothing for you and don't think about suicide stuff you're here for a reason. I hope things get better for you, bye best of luck.

Answer 2

thats so sad im sorry i thought my family was messed up, i think you should go to school and see how you get on if you like it stay it might make you feel better, and if it doesnt help then tell your mum how you feel that you want to get therapy she might let you.  I know what it feels like to have a bad family life i hope it gets better and you start to feel better goof luck . gee gee x

Answer 3

I really cant be of much help  

other than to say I'm sorry  now get over it

Many many people around the world are distraught

Yes counseling  you must get in contact with some one

surely there is an agency of some sort who can lead you in a direction where money is not an object

You say you are starting school

I advise you to immediately with out fail talk to your counselor

do let pride hold you back

I am so happy you sound as if  your doing better

you dont say how old you are or what city you live in

if you would like  you can email me

with that information

i will do my best to locate some sort of counsling

or provide you with a list of possible alternitaves

best wishes

br

Answer 4

I've had almost the same experiences in the past two years and I still struggle with depression now.

It depends on how old you are for what you can do to help yourself, you seem as though you putting alot of faith into a therapist, this did me no good at all and I found that the best thing taking care of myself and looking after "number one". You need to learn to put the traumatic experiences behind you and move forward focusing on the positives, if you feel you have no positives then create them.

Maybe sit down your mum or grandparents and tell them how you are feeling. Don't keep your emotions bottled up it's not good for you.

I hope you feel better soon and things turn out ok xXxXx

Answer 5

you definitely need someone to talk to professionally, but until then, dont worry about your ex and your friend (thats petty stuff)

your mom should focus on doing better.... not having enough energy is not an excuse to not work.  i know plenty of people doing worse than your mother, who work two full time jobs, takes care of their children with no help and goes to school online on computers in the free library.  look at it like this, it could always be worse.

stop cutting yourself.  there is no reason ever to cause harm to your body!  if you need to take up something to get your mind off the stress....write poetry, music or just write creatively.  try not to take on your mom's stress...i know it's difficult, but you can do it.  and ask her to stop telling you about her relationships because she is your mother...not your friend.  your mother should find some female friends...or find God.

Answer 6

there are places that have people you can talk to for free. don't wait for other people to help, take action and do it yourself. don't let your age stand in the way. we all do things that we feel sad about even later down the road. if you don't have a support system set in place, you could end up with the same negative behavior. when your at school, force yourself to laugh a time or two and this really does help. also, hold your head up high. you have nothing to be ashamed of or any need to view life from the ground. see all the beauty at eye level and above! good luck and take charge now :)

Answer 7

Hi there. I really feel for you. I also had lots of issues when I was living with my parents.

You have a lot to deal with right now and it's understandable that you're depressed. I'm happy to hear that you've stopped cutting yourself. It sounds like you are moving in a good direction, but I know it's a lot to deal with on your own.

Most schools have counselors or a school psychologist. I would look into that when you go back to school.

It also helps to be involved in  something outside of the house. What about school sports or art classes, drama club, choir... Is there something you are interested in that you could get involved in at school? This can help a lot because it is a distraction, it gives you something to focus on, be proud of, helps you express some of those pent up feelings and it's a great way to meet other people who share your interests. These activities are free and get you out of the house. I think the key is to try to focus on yourself and your well-being. If you do this you'll get stronger and start to build a life for yourself that is separate from your family situation. It seems your family has been dictating your life... which is kind of unavoidable in your situation, but don't let that stop you from learning, growing and making friends. You have a good head on your shoulders and you'll get through this. Start believing in yourself and the rest will follow. Good luck!

Answer 8

hey im sorry to hear this but the only thing i could say is go to school and talk to the school cancelers so they can help you with your problem

Answer 9

First of all, dont worry about writing so much. It gives people with nothing to do (like me :P) a way to kill ten minutes.

Secondly, you just need to vent about it, like you did here. After school starts, and you make some good friends, you can vent to them about things like this, but be sure not to overload them with information.

As soon as your mom gets settled, and starts working, and is happy again I'm sure she'll start to pay attention to your problems.

Answer 10

that was ALOT of reading lmao

im not gonna say soz for what happend cos i dont wanna be patronizin lol but i feel 4 u! lol

im 14 and all

i thiink u should defo go 2 yr new school and make new friends (and you will i promiise) and then first worry about getting that sorted out soo when thast all settled down and everything then just sort yopur problems out one by one but dont think about them too much cos they just get broken down into more and more problems so just think school! not school..the frend..the work... bla bla bla cos that just makes a whole lot more problems so just go hit each problem hard on the head and before yhoo kno it it will hopefully all be settled down!

Answer 11

I'm sorry to hear what you went though at such a young age. It's truly regretable.

My suggestion, like everyone else's, is to get psychoatic help. I'm currently dealing with depression and I'm in the middle of trying to do it myself.

It sounds like your mother is depent on your grandparents, if so I'm sure she can apply for some kind of state program such as wel-fare or Med-cal(I live in CA and that's a basic kind of health insurace) either way there IS a way to get help.

Talking to your old friends might be another good way since they must know more about your situtation than anyone else. You can even talk to your grandparents if your mother isn't listening.

Answer 12

omg i have like the exact same problem i even cut for a bit too and think I'm being judged but try to think about the people that aren't judging me but i can't really help because i still have my parents fighting and I'm still trying to get my life back but if someone is mean to you just ignore them it's stupid they obviously have no lives if that's there idea of fun hang in there things have to get better my life did for a bit but other problems came up totally unrelated so just try to talk to people and build up some best friend you can talk to my 2 best friends aren't the coolest but they listen and you can survive i was 12 going through this just filter out bad comments and i had a counselor at 11 didn't help one bit it actually made things worse they asked me which parent i liked better