My family v.s. my boyfriend?

Question

Okay so my bf (of one year now) and I are planning to move in about a year across the country (from California my home state to upstate New York in the boonies kinda) I'm liking the idea of living in a safe area where i can raise kids someday and go to a university myself, not to mention its much cheaper to live there. The problem is me leaving my family. I am having issues with committing to moving because I am afraid of how sad/angry they will be at me and especially my NY native BF because my family and I are pretty close : ( I can't imagine living the rest of my life so far away from them but California is getting too expensive for me and not to mention the overpopulation, I just can't handle living here in my own state anymore because all of these people are coming in and kicking me out; literally! I am very stressed out about this and would like your opinions. Thanks

Answer 1

You have to do what is best for you and your future.  Whether that's moving to better yourself through college and starting your own family in NY or figuring things out in CA.  Are you planning on getting married before/after you move?  Maybe your family would be more accepting of the idea if you were getting married?

Answer 2

Move here to Barstow...anyways..I'm assuming you're of legal age...so yes the parents will be highly upset especially if you had a good relationship with them.

When my son joined the Navy right outta high school I was excited yet scared to death that he would be a couple thousand miles away and I wouldn't be able to help him when He needed it...I can thank god for the these phones now that you can text. He's been gone 6 years now and he is planning to live on the east coast when he decides to leave the Navy. I was heartbroken...but at the same time I was happy that he actually grew up to be on his own.

My Daughter lives about 40 miles away and lives with her husband on a military base...she had been around forever it seems she got married had a child..I have been around them since birth(duh)..and they have decide that when he finishes they will be moving to Florida...again devastated and again had a feeling that we have raised our kids to be independent.

Yea both you and your family will feel the lonliness for awhile especially the 1st christmas and thanksgiving  away from each other..will it pass...honestly no..but I am still greatful me and the wife did something right.

But I will miss my grandaughter ..we do all kinds of stuff together on the weekends...it will hurt real bad when she is far away...but again nowadays with cams for computers it wont hurt too bad.

Good luck on "your life".

Answer 3

At what age does a person become an adult - responsible to live their own life - to run their own life - to pursue their own career and raise their own children?

Write that age down.

If you are that age or older, then it's time for you to do that - and for parents and everyone else to also GROW UP in the way that parents are supposed to grow up to relating to their offspring as FELLOW ADULTS (cut the apron strings).

Sometimes, parents have to have help with this...

Good luck.

Answer 4

This is a big decision, not to be made lightly, so it's great that you're making plans in advance.  You didn't mention that you would be getting married, so I'm not thinking those are the plans.

Only you can decide if the move is right for you, not your familly, and not your boyfriend.  Your family's feelings should not prevent you from living your life the way you want.  If your family truly loves you and wants the best for you, they will understand you have to do what feels right, not just what they want.

Yes, it's stressful where you live, but that doesn't necessarily mean things are easier in the boonies of NY, believe it or not. It's just a different set of stressors.  Just make sure your ducks are in a row and not dependent on your boyfriend.  Hopefully, you two will stay together, but for your own sake, don't count on it.  Look out for Number 1 before diving in.  

Ask yourself these questions:

Do you have the resources to make the move AND to support yourself if things don't work out with the boyfriend?  What will you do if you two break up?  What supports are needed in NY so you don't end up with the short end of the stick if things don't work out (for example, getting a NY bank account in your name complete with money for an emergency)?  Remember, he's the one moving to a more familiar place, probably with local connections.  If you break up, loyalties in town will likely be with him.  That can potentially be very isolating for you, the outsider.  That's how it is in small towns.  

One other thing:  Do you know how to take care of yourself during upstate NY winters?

Answer 5

wow, you say you and your boyfriend have been going out for one year? I am very close to my family also , i have a boyfriend of 2 years that wants to move to las vegas , I love my boyfriend very much but i am not ready to relocate at this time. you two need to come to a compromise good luck

Answer 6

you talked about making a commitment, but you never said that you and your boyfriend were committed to each other. not one mention of marriage in any way.

when you commit to one I'm sure you won't have any problem committing to the other.

it's a matter of growing up, getting married and having your own home and family.

until you get married you will never be anything more than your boyfriends girlfriend. emotionally and financially!!!  even if you have children together.