My father (76) has a habit of one upping or down playing my views or accomplishments that I discuss with him

Question

and it is starting to make me not want to talk to him. He has had this kind of personality for a while but it seems like it is getting worse. I try to ignore it but it annoys me and I am not sure why he does it. I thought if I understood why he is doing this it might help me to cope with the behavior. Example of behavior- My husband meet with a well known political figure in his office and I mentioned this to my father and his reply was "So what?" and on more petty issues- I told my father I was growing garden since I was proud of it, he told me those are easy to grow , no big deal. He is impressed by nothing and is very disagreeable and I do not know how to talk to him anymore with out this really getting on my nerves.

Answer 1

You say he has had this personality for "awhile" but you don't say how long.  If this is a relatively new development, it would be a good idea to make a doctor's appointment for him.  The doctor should not allow you to be involved with the exam etc, but you can call and talk to the doctor prior to the exam and explain your concerns regarding your father's personality changes.  The doctor should take your concerns into consideration during the exam and may be able to make suggestions for treatment if indicated.  Your dad is old and age related changes are normal but what you are describing could also be the begining of some sort of dementia that should be followed medically.  

Answer 2

Probably the best thing to do is to not confront him and not expect him to change. Instead, you should change your expectations - lower them a lot. When you call him, ask him how he is, what's new, etc. When he asks you what's now or how things are, say "fine." Don't offer any specifics, just tell him you are well, your husband is well and the weather is nice. You can then politely end the call. The next time you talk to him, do the same. You are being honorable to him by calling him, and you are protecting yourself by asking him for nothing.

Answer 3

   This is a common phenomenom amongst the elderly.  The get lonely and miserable, so they see no good in anything, so nobody wants to be around them, so then they are more lonely.  And the cycle continues.  As the child, your job is to see that he is safe and his needs are being met, but you have no obligation to put up with this verbal game of his.  One option is to see that he is not so lonely.  Take him to a local senior citizens club every week.  There he will be able to talk and interact with people his own age, and as a result, won't be so negative.  If he is physically able, some volunteer work would be beneficial.  It doesn't have to be physically stressful.  There was a man at my son's elementary school who used to come read to the kindergartners twice a week.  He had no children or grandchildren in that school.  He just wanted to feel useful.  Get his mind off himself and he will be much more pleasant to be around.

Answer 4

He is getting up there in age.  This is a habit that is well established in him.  Try not to look to him for any kind of encouragement or positive reactions.   It sounds like "the well is dry."  I have very little conversation with my father because he does not hear well and he only wants to talk about himself.  I know how draining this can be for you.   Find support in other people that are able to fully respond to you.

My father is 82 years old.   Good Luck.

Answer 5

I know that it's not easy to live this way,but the only thing I can tell you is  that you better be full of patience because he is acting like that because his age and in the future is going to be worse.I never spend  a long time with my father but when I go to visit him  there in my country sometimes it happens to me too.I tried to ignore it  and I do it but it get me nerves a lot that I ended up returning here the more fast I can.But at the same time I feel compassion toward him.Maybe he does that to me because we don't frequently communicate .so it made understand that this happen because our lack of communication.