My father died a little over a month, when will it stop hurting?

Question

He was very sick the last couple of months.I'm trying to remember the good times but as soon as I do the image of him in his last weeks pops up.Our last conversation was awful and I know part of it was due to his diminished state but I still wish we had one more time to talk or even just to give each other a hug. I miss him.

Answer 1

I'm truly sorry for your loss.

I lost my father 3 years ago.

Right now you will focus on the bad things, especially the last conversation you had with him. It will hurt for a long time. I still have regrets about my relationship with my father. But the pain has subsided for the most part. I still miss him.

I am going through a very hard time in my life right now. I know he is watching over me, and that many of the decisions and things I am doing right now, would make him proud.

I still cry at times when I think of him. And that's ok. I have a small urn with some of his ashes in it, in my curio cabinet, right next to my John Wayne Congressional Medal. JW was both our favorite actor. The rest of his ashes were taken to the ocean by his late wife and spread there. I was not a part of that. He was a WWII Navy man and wanted his ashes buried at sea.

Let your grief work it's way through you as it will. It is ok to miss him. You always will. But over time, we do become strong again, and the pain doesn't hurt quite so bad.

And I talk to my dad when I have done something he would have been especially proud of. He was a mathematical engineer and we had many fights over math homework growing up. I am now taking beginning Algebra, and actually learning it. I know he would be proud of me. And sometimes when I am struggling with Algebra, I will stop and ask him for help. He doesn't give me the answers, but thinking of him helps calm my mind so that I can figure it out. And sometimes I give him a hug. His body may not be here anymore, but I know his spirit is, and that is what I hug.

Answer 2

So sorry for your loss.  It will take some time for you to work out your feelings.  There will be the different phases of the grieving process and everyone processes things differently.  It helped me to write down my feelings when my son passed away.  It's been five years now and I still think about him daily.  I don't get as depressed and I don't cry as often, but there are moments.  Part of me wants to hold onto my pain because that is real and the void in my heart will never be filled by anyone else from that relationship, it is just gone.  Life does go on, and time does help, eventually.  A month is not nearly long enough to grasp the concept all the way that he is really gone.  I went to counseling and it helped me.  My counselor moved to a different State and I didn't find anyone I liked as well so I quit going.  I'm alright now but still miss my son.  I know I always will.

Answer 3

I'm so sorry to hear about the loss of your father.

Grieving the loss of someone you love is a very personal thing and there is no right or wrong way to do it.  It can take a long time to resolve it and it's hard work.  It can affect you physically, mentally, emotionally and spiritually.  It's only been a month and it's all still very raw for you.  Even when you know the person is going to die, it's always a shock when it actually happens.  It can easily take 3-4 months for the reality of the death to fully sink in.  

The first year is usually the hardest as you have all the "firsts" to get through without your dad........the first birthday, father's day, Christmas, New Years, Easter, wedding anniversary, family holiday.  The second year is still hard but because you know what to expect because you've been through all the "firsts", it will be somewhat easier for you.

You won't ever get over it, but I promise you that you will get through it.  Although it probably seems impossible now, the day will come when you will be able to relocate your father to a special place in your heart reserved just for him and once you are able to do that, thinking of him will not just make you feel sad because he's no longer with you, but you will be more focused on all the good memories of times you shared with him and you will find yourself laughing and smiling at those memories instead of just crying about his death.

Why don't you write him a letter.  Tell him all the things you would like to have said if you had that one more time to talk to him.  Writing is very therapeutic and it's a good way to relieve moments of sadness, frustration, possibly guilt or anger........express every emotion you are feeling.  

If your father was buried, go to his grave and read the letter you wrote to him.  If he was cremated and his ashes were scattered, go to wherecver those ashes were scattered and read it.

My children were 23 and 24 when their father died from cancer.  August 16 marks 10 years since he died  and even after all this time, the days leading up to the anniversary of his death are always a struggle for us.......we always miss his presence at Christmas, etc.  But!.....we don't bury those feelings.......we always take time to remember and acknowledge what he meant to all of us and we share a giggle over the humorous times.

Don't let anyone try to rush you through this process and make you feel like you need to 'get over it'

Just know that although you might feel like it some days, you're not going crazy.......what you're feeling and going through is very normal and healthy and all part of the process.

Answer 4

I am sooo sorry about your dad, time will heal I promise.

Answer 5

Its very hard loosing a loved one and only a month ago is properly feeling like it was yesterday. I lost my grandmother whom was dear to my heart about 4 years ago and there are moments that I still cry when I think of her because I miss her so much but realized that she is in a better place instead being here suffering from cancer. Its does get better ,,,,it took me about 6 months to accept it and about a year before I could let go and move on,,,,It depends on the person and how they handle loosing someone!!

Answer 6

Everyone says time heals the pain i dont think it does its been nearly 5 years since my dad passed away and everyday he's on my mind and i still cry myself to sleep. i miss him sooo much and was so angry that he died....it killed me at first that all i had left was a picture and the idea of speaking to a picture made me feel so silly. i remember one time in the early days i was soo hurt and crying none stop so i looked over to his picture i held it close to my heart and said out loud i wish i could just feel ur hug one more time. i was soo upset i had always been daddy's little girl and couldnt accept the fact that he not here to hug me or tell me he loved me...so anyways i went 2 bed and the next morning i hear my older sister saying she had a dream....asked her wat it was she said it was so weird dad was in the dream and he came in the room and asked for me and just hugged me for the whole dream....she didnt understand but just hearing that made me feel so loved... remember the good times...speak to his picture (you will feel his answer) and whenever u want to see him or feel his presence close ur eyes and sleep he will be there in ur dreams i promise. sorry for ur loss, it will hurt alot at first let it out cry nd he will comfort u.

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Answer 7

Easiest to say it never stops hurting but it gets better. I lost mine about 3 years ago and I'd say the first year was extremely hard. Something snapped inside me i couldn't sleep for more than an hour a day and lost about 70lbs from not eating, no desire. But you always have your dreams and never forget your dad's watching out for ya. All those things left unsaid he knows now. If he was very sick at the end he's in a better place now. I think about mine every day but as it gets farther and farther apart I'm able to see the best moments and memories rather than focus on missed/or bad times. Your father lives on through you deal with it how you can but from experience let me tell ya alcohol is not the way.You'll never quit missing him, I know I miss mine a ton. Just keep in mind it's super hard for other people who loved him too. Mom took it pretty hard so you gotta be tough for the other ones around ya. - end rant.

Answer 8

I know exactly how you feel... my dad died of cancer when I was 4. Just think of the fact that he is ALWAYS with you in your heart and watching over you. He never really left. Keep a good picture of him in your room where you can see it- One where's he's happy and smiling, to cheer you up. NEVER try to stop thinking about him just because it hurts. Then you won't remember him at all... I made that mistake. I barely remember my dad. Do fun stuff to stop the hurting, like hanging out with friends. When you're having a good time while you think about him it will help you remember the good times. Try to get that last picture and conversation out of your head. Talk to him through prayer and apologize for that last conversation. Remember how much you love him and he loved you. Nothing can change that. I hope this helps... Good luck! ;)