My father is a semi literate manual worker whose only passions are guns and beer and my mother?

Question

is currently tipping the scales at 20stone - do i automatically qualify for american residency?

Answer 1

I'm afraid not - unless you grow yourself a scarily large mullet and take line-dancing lessons. Your father is way too intelligent and unfortunately your mother is too waif-like to be in with a chance of you using her as justification for residency. However, if you are successful, locate yourself adjacent to people with more intelligence ie: on the borders of Canada or Mexico. Failing that, then somewhere on the coast or near an airport may suffice - You don't want to be too far away from civilisation.

Answer 2

No.  But your father does.

Answer 3

Only if you plan to live in the midwest.

Answer 4

My neighbor has 3 teeth and they are yellow. Does he automatically have UK residency?

Answer 5

I would very dearly love to cut your ulcerated little "jacobs" off, you disgusting, insignificant, pathetic nonce.

Oh dear, I've pooped myself.....