My father is getting more abusive. What can I do?

Question

Please HELP! This is SUPER important to me!! I'm 17. (Keep in mind I don't have a job at the present time and cannot magiaclly see some therapist whenever I so choose.) My father and I have NEVER gotten along. Like, ever. He just an SOB. Today was a sort of bad fight and things just seems to get worse and worse the closer I am to 18 and the more I start to completly lose respect for anything that comes out of that ***hole's mouth.

So here: I was on the phone with my best friend trying to talk to her about today's plans. My mom was talking a bit and when I tried to say something to my friend my dad suddenly started talking when I was talking, making rude little comments in the background. I kept telling him to stop but I guess that angered him and he kept talking more. We got into a really big argument and he was threatening to unplug the whole house of phones while he and Mom went out for a while (they're out right now, thank God..). He does such STUPID things like take away phones and c**p. Anyway, I tried to just keep my cool and sorta acted kiddish. I was sitting down trying to focus on some pictures I was working on and everytime he talk I'd interupt saying "what? what?" like I didn't hear him. Childish, but it works for me. Anyways, he just got madder and madder and was becoming a real a*****e. Then he started really insulting me saying I'm dumb and will amount to nothing and lots of stuff like that. I'm VERY SUPER SENSITIVE and things much smaller than that bring me to tears easily so instantly I threw down my photo book, got in his face and started screaming at him that he's a lousy father and an idiot human being. Then I closed the garage door on him. He wacked it open and pushed me down HARD. Like I said, I'm VERY SENSITIVE to ALL pain, so my wrist is STILL in a great deal of pain from this right now. Every time I tried to get up he pushed me back down. All while my mother stoof aside and watched, occasionally saying "STOP!". So finally I got up, punched him (I'm not tooo strong) in the back, and screamed at him some more. Then they left.

This is just one instance but it's been going on like this all 17 years of my life. I've told my bff about this incident, but I don't like therapists (can't even get one on my own), and can't do anything. I don't know what I should do about this. I've thought about telling the guidance counceller at school, but I feel like nobody takes me seriously. This is doing a HUUUUGGGE amount of damage on my mind. I'm VERY VERY sensitive and my emotions RUN my life, so this has shaken me GREATLY. PLEASE PLEASE help me!!! I can't stand this verbal abuse (and once in a blue moon physical abuse) anymore!!! PLEASE HELP!!!

Answer 1

I'd say you were acting pretty wrong as well. If anyone actually read the story, you could tell that she was provoking him. Everyone has conflict like that with their parents, but you're just taking it the wrong way. Your dad was being mean, too, but you pretty much asked for it. I wouldn't even call it abuse. You're waaay too emotional and sensitive. You need a therapist for yourself. Have a mature talk with your dad.

Answer 2

First you need some alone time with your mother. Talk to her.

See if that helps. If not, then speak to your school therpist.

Just stay clear of him, and if he speaks to you, answer his questions, and just say yes sir, no sir..and then continue to do what you were doing. Keep your mouth shut..And make this year go by. so You can get a job, save your $$, and move out. If he gets abusive, dont say anything, just listen, and go to your room. Basically, eat dirt until you can get out. If he is not phycially abusive then I would just hold out, until you can move out.

Answer 3

Sounds like you are instigating everything by initially treating him with no respect or regard. He likely didn't respond as poorly and inappropriately to your treatment when it first manifested itself as he does now, but that is probably because he has gotten to the breaking point and past with your antics. You have gotten so that you immediately treat him with disrespect and disregard because you feel he hasn't earned them at this point, but there are two things wrong with this approach. First, you are the one who brought him to this point, and maybe you partially did it because you wanted an excuse not to show him any respect or regard. Second, everyone deserves a modicum of respect simply because they happen to be a fellow human being. By approaching them first as though they don't deserve even that, then you have a confrontation with them at the onset.

Whether you like it or not, you live in his household and therefore are subject to some of his rules. You purposefully bring about confrontation with your father by doing as you please at times without regard to these rules, plus by attacking him first. I suggest you take stock of yourself and why you actually do this and have let it progress to this point.  

Answer 4

I'm going to be honest. It seems as if you are verbally abusing your father as much as he is verbally abusing you. Sometime when you possibly can, sit down and talk to your father. Tell him how you feel and admit to him about how you can be childish sometimes as well as rude. Tell him he hurts you a lot and you would like for you both to just get along. BUT Admitting to things that you have did as well as him will make him feel like he is not the only one and the conversation will flow easier. Hope I helped.

Answer 5

Well for startes we have this great well kept secret in this country 911. has he everactually hit you? Pushing is well with in parental rights, trust me I was shoved many times. If you read my signature i  turned out fine. Your in high school, enjoy it. go to parties get nailed 6 ways from sunday. Don't be afraid to take a good line of cocaine here and there either, its an amazing stress reliever. Might I also suggest finding your self an older, desperate investment banker who is in his mid life crisis to buy you a corvette.

Wish you the best.

Jacob O'Hara

Mergers & Acquisitions

Citi Bank

Answer 6

You are 17. Move out and live with your friend or a family member. once you turn 16 you can legally move out. and ur dad sounds like a jerk.  

Answer 7

if youre on the phone talking to your friend, minding your own business, why is your dad making comments? i dont understand that? that sounds kinda immature to me. does he work? you are both being very abusive to each other and by each other. i definitely urge you to talk to someone immediately. yes. start with your guidance counselor. they should be able to help you or get you headed in the right direction.

you sound educated and well versed. good luck.

Answer 8

this honestly isnt a big deal at all most parents get like that when there kids are very direspectful or how you say "childish" when i was a teenager me and my mom would get into fights like that all the time, just get over it theyre typical parents and your a typical teenager hating them, so your just gonna have to deal with it until you get a job and move out, and seriously your 17 why dont you have a job.

Answer 9

try getting a joba nd moving out. if that doesnt work, whenever he says somethign that bothers u, just walk away and read a book or pretend to. after awhile he'll leave. dont provoke him either by yelling or screaming at him.

hope i helped. good luck and God bless

Answer 10

i would say tough it out its only verbal.... my dad used to beat the c**p out of me...  

Answer 11

YOU NEED 2 GET HELP IMMEDIATELY BECAUSE, DAT VERBAL ABUSE CULD EASILY TURN INTO PHYSICAL ABUSE, ALOT! I HAVE NEVER BEEN IN YOUR POSITION SO I CANT REALLY SAY 2 MUCH! BUT IF YOU BELIEVE IN GOD, JUST PRAY AND HE WILL SORT THINGS OUT FOR YOU

Answer 12

my dad is abusive too ...(not physical at all) but what i did..i stopped talking to him  for a year ..and now am on ignoring mode...whenever he tires to be sweet and get close and be a kind father i stop him right there and then..other word i have put a limit/line between us ...since we don't talk to each other at all so he has been standing on the other side of the line so far...

Answer 13

i kno how u feel

ur 17 girl

get a job save up and be out his house by 18

become more independent and leave the nest

or you will be abused more

juss keep to yourself and get a job then be out

sorry i hope everything works out

Answer 14

You need to call the police. You can't let him continue to hurt you.

Answer 15

It might help if you don't egg him on. If you are so sensitive, why are you being so insensitive and disrespectful to your parents?

ALL teenagers fight with their parents. In 5 years from now you will see this in a different light. Sorry if I am coming across as rude. BUt luckily you are almost 18 and then you can move out and take care of yourself.

Good luck.

Answer 16

My relationship was the same with my dad- he was always very physical with me and just hit me like a man, but i would always fight back. You need to tell someone- another adult.. grandparents, aunts, uncles, someone you are close with. There is no excuse for this behavior from an ADULT.. seriously.. i know howe it is

Answer 17

My mom was very abusive when I was growing up so I left home when I was 16. I had a really hard time and struggled for years but I felt it was worth it to be out of that situation. This may not work for you so you may be better off talking to a guidance counselor or see if you can stay with a relative until you are out of school and ready to care for yourself.

Answer 18

Im pretty much in the same situation, Im 16 and live in Canada, i have never done any drugs and same with my entire family, my dad snaps at me verbally and phyiscly alot he overheard (evesdroped) me today when i was on the phone and it was my friend who called and he said "do yu wanna go biking? Im in the area right now, i said no now isn't a good time cus my dad is home, and my bud said ok mabey another time" and my dad was like why did you say that? are you hiding something from me? is their something going on? Im your father i should know everything thats going on. And i was like um i told him i just didn't feel like it and because you were home i figured nows like "family time". He just thought of that as bullshit and said i should stop lying and trying to be sneaky. My dad is always trying to confinscate my stuff. Everything i do he needs to know in detail. I have gotten into one fight before were i lost miserably, he slapped me and i pushed him into the wall. I am also very sensative, i figure the reason for that all has to do with being abused form a family member up to now. I have a hard time talking to my dad without crying. He just doesn't understand, he thinks he does. One day, i swear to god one day (hopefully soon) i will win my self confidence. him and he willl regret everything he ever did to me.

My dad is just a big embaressment to my family to my friends and to my personal character. I am truly scared that one day when i become a father i will not be like him AND DEFINETLY NOT TAKE AFTER HIS BAD ACTIONS AND DISICIONS. I just feel terrible right now and wish our relationship could be better, i have no respect for him at all. I try to live my life independently, which is hard considering I have my dad on my *** all the time.

Answer 19

You have to talk to someone.  Go to the guidance councilor at school.  Who knows he might listen.  If you need help he might know where you can get help for free.  Like you I don't agree with your father's methods.  Your mother is not much better if she allows it.  Maybe she is afraid too.  Your dad has to be stopped before he really does physical damage.  It is enough that he did some mental damage.  I don't know what else to tell you.  Being seventeen you are almost of age and it is time now to seek help if help is available through your guidance councilor.  Good luck hon.  I wish you the very best.

Answer 20

The best thing to do in your situation is to ignore him completly if he isn't abusing you physicaly then you can't go to the cops. Responding to his childish behaviour is only giving him more of a reason to do it. Ignore him unless it is to relay important information. do not fight back with him since it only seems to escilate the situation further. I ignored my parents for 5 years cuz i didnt like the way they treated me. They now treat me and my sister fairly like it should have been when i was growing up

Answer 21

Talk to some elder people like you close aunt or elder sis or bro who r living on there own  

Answer 22

put nair in his shampoo...His hair will fall out.

Put visine drops in his drinks...stomach will be a wreck for days

or just get a d**n job and get out of the house

Answer 23

if he's slapping you, tell your mother, she'll call someone and he'll go to jail for doing that to you.  

Answer 24

wow, you should at least try too find some help. look in the phonebook Im sure there might be some kind of therapists that would be glad too help you over the phone free of charge. avoid churches.

goodluck!

PEACE

Answer 25

Darlin  You are not doing to much to prevent this, in fact it sounds as though you are only bringing it on your self. First if you want to be taken seriously you must behave in a mature fashion that deserves respect,

Please don't quit reading yet, I am not saying this is all your fault I am saying you can have more control over it.

  I have to assume your father is like this with your mother too, and perhaps watching how she reacts will give you some insight, I am sure yelling in his face is not the best approach, or any way to get your point across.

  Also I understand you have issues controlling your emotions and that may really take some time with a therapist, but is all the more reason for you to try and remain calm in times of crisis and confrontation, stick with basic responses YES, NO,I WISH I KNEW, and YOUR RIGHT these will get you through most confrontations, and the obvious PLEASE and TANK YOU will prevent a lot also .

  I do hope something here will help you to hang in there, go ahead find a job save some money and you will soon be free of this tyrant that causes you such grief . GOOD LUCK

Answer 26

Where is your mom??? What is she doing while he's being abusive whether it is verbal or physical? You need to try to limit your time around him.  Just walk around on egg shells if you have to be in the same room with him.  If you can talk to your mom you need too.  Explain to her how it makes you feel.  Tell her this is not healthy environment.  Are you out of high school.  If so go to college - take out loans stay in the dorms - but get away and do something positive for yourself.  All this anger is not healthy for you and it is just going to continue to build up. And, just be careful b/c usually the abused become the abusers later on in life.

If you are still in high school talk talk talk....  to whoever will listen. If you want out bad enough you will talk and get help.  You have to think what's the worst thing that can happen.  You get out of there...  You might have to live in a group home or a foster home.  But, I have had friends that have lived in them.  It's not always the best and you don't get to come and go like you want but at least it's not tearing your spirit down.  I really hope you realize that only you can change your life's direction.  And, if you want something bad enough you will have to make it happen.  I wish you all the luck....

Answer 27

have u thought about what u just did to ur father instead of what ur father did to you?  i wouldnt say taking ur phone away is abuse when he was in a totally different conversation and u were butting in on his conversation. i would recommend moving to a different room/spot. now about the photo book/garage door incident: i think u got ur super sensitiveness from ur father based on what ur telling me. he got hurt when u ignored him so he retaliated by saying u were dumb, etc. and then u retaliated because YOU were hurt by what he said. it seemed VERY INSENSITIVE towards him when u acted like u didnt know he existed. it would make sense that he would get mad when he's trying to say something to you. u guys are just biting at each other and hurting each other. have u ever tried to just sit down and talk it out?