My father is has attempted multiple suicides to the point where my mom wont let him come home? what do i do?

Question

everytime he is released from the mental facility and tries to work on himself he tries again. my mom cant emotionally care for him anymore, they have been married 35 years. she has had enough and is trying tough love. problem is, he has no where to go and i fear this time he is released he will die for sure, especially if he is in a shelter. i cant take him in. i have 2 small children and do not want to come home and find him dead. most times he ends up calling 911 himself because he gets scared. they keep releasing him after weeks of mental care because he tells them hes better. which also makes him unqualified for state mental hospital. when do i let go and accept that he did this to himself or do i turn my back and put him on the streets?

Answer 1

yikes.. to be honest, i can't say that i have had this happen in my life.. and i don't really know how to truthfully help you here..

if you are looking to help him, you should probably try to get him checked into a federal mental health hospital ( if they even exist, i'm not quite sure ), then work from there. if you can't get him checked in anywhere else, then see if you can find a way to take him in and not have the children around.. at all costs, you are going to need to find some way to get him help.

if you go the other route and just accept that he did it to himself, it won't be a walk in the part. a part of you, till the end of time, especially if something happens to him, will regret it, but that's just the thing that will want to take him in even more.

like i said.. there isn't a very well-developed plan to figure this out... i wish i could do something to help you out, but this is primarily his choice.. maybe if you can't do anything else, try getting him to go for psychiatric help.

Answer 2

First off I am so sorry hun. That must be a really difficult situation for all of you involved. It sounds like your family has truly done everything they can possibly do. Sometimes it takes its toll not only on the person who attempts this but mainly to the family whether he leaves them behind or he keeps attempting it. It almost sounds like its more of an attention thing then an actual doing it think but you can never be sure. The big mistake is thinking just that and then one day you get the call that he has died. I think you can talk to your dad, and be there for him as a daughter but you have no obligation to take him in and if your mom can't deal with it then neither does she really. You could try talking to the people that are helping him professionally and maybe your mom and him can go to meetings together but you can't stress too much about it or you will drive yourself crazy. It sounds like you already have your hands quite full. I am so sorry that you have to deal with all of this and I hope you have shoulders to lean on yourself. Be strong but sometimes tough love is what is needed for people involved to not lose their minds too. Good luck dear.

Answer 3

It would seem he has damaged his brain and cant think anymore. You can hope and pray for him as only god can help him now.

Answer 4

I'm sorry about what you are facing.  The mental health facilities should be sure that your dad follows up with out patient care when they release him, or not release him at all.  Apparently he needs medicine, and he doesn't take it when on his own.  I can't blame you or your mom for not wanting to bring him into your homes, when he is obviously suicidal.

I would meet him and take him to an out patient mental health facility for follow up care, or really talk to his in patient doctors to see what they can do about keeping him hospitalized.  It must be on his medical records that he has been in and out of there.

I feel bad just reading this, and know that he should be getting professional help on a regular basis.  I can't begin to imagine what you and your mom are going through.  I would call the hospital tonight and see if they know of someplace he can go when released, I mean a place supervised with mental health professionals.

Answer 5

www.nami.org

Find the closest group in your state, and look for family support.

If he has attempted suicide numerous times.. then OBVIOUSLY, he IS suicidal, if he admits it or not.  The biggest joke of all.. is professionals who are supposed to know that ONE OF THE MAIN SYMPTOMS of mental illness, is that the patient is unaware of their own illness. He can be court ordered into longer stay at hospital.. the trick is getting the judge to issue the order. MOM needs to cooperate on this. Tough love is not going to cure him, anymore than tough love cures leukemia. But, at the same time, I totally understand that mom recognizes her own limitations, which are completely valid. So are yours.

The issue hinges on the doctors who ACCEPT his statement of not being suicidal and ignore the evidence of actual attempts. It is bizarre.. and I have been in that position, except with a teen age daughter who was psychotic.  Someone who is psychotic does not recognize it.. that is WHY they are psychotic to start with. Of course, part of the problem is that state hospitals have been severely cut in funding.. so they have limitations as well.

He isn't stable until he is able to recognize his mental illness.

Please, call someone from NAMI, let them know you have a family member in crisis, and you are unable to get him proper treatment, and why.

My prayers go out to you.  I have walked where you are. It was not until someone LISTENED to me, that someone stepped in and got forced treatment for my daughter.