My feelings about my smoker bf changed?

Question

(I also asked this in Singles & Dating, but I thought I'd try on the other side of this)

My boyfriend has been smoking pot since he was about fifteen I believe he said. He's now about a month away from 18. We've been dating for about four months and I originally wasn't really bothered by the fact that he smoked. In fact he smokes less now that I'm around. I initially accepted it easily and thought it was almost endearing. He told me he didn't even really like that he smoked. He enjoys it, but he doesn't at the same time, if that makes sense. I've tried it a few times but the last time was the final time because I felt like, though I was completely responsive, I felt totally disconnected from everything and I hated that. And I started to wonder why he would want that so often. And now I kind of die a little each time he tells me he's stoned or is going to go smoke with friends. I've told him how I felt about me smoking and how I'm not going to again, and he is pleased (he was worried it was going to become habitual for me). What should I do? Should I let him know how I feel now? I feel sort of fickle suddenly changing my feelings on the matter. (Especially because I just spent $136 replacing his bong! x_x But that's no matter)

Answer 1

You have to make up your mind about it. Either you are ok with it or you are not. If you are not, then don't send him mixed messages by buying a bong for him. If you are ok with it, then leave it alone, live with it. It might help to research this subject, read up on the latest marijuana studies, so you can see for yourself that green is not bad how a lot of people think it is.

I personally, have been married for 8 years. We are both smokers. We have a family and we do what we have to do to take care of our family. We are responsible, loving parents, we pay our bills, and work very good jobs.

Good luck in what you decide to do :)  

Answer 2

you "die a little inside" each time he tells you hes smoked the good herb?  you're foolish.  dont be such a drama queen.  being stoned is not a big deal.  he might as well have smoked a cigarrette.  

he even made a move to smoke less when you're around, and he did a good thing trying to smoke with you, trying to put one of his favorite hobbies as something you guys could share in common.  

and for the ultimatums advice- i can promise you right now, if you say "whats it going to be, me or the weed".  he will drop you like a sh*t through a goose.  you're only 17, and you're not worth the trouble.  if i were to be in this situation, as soon as a girl makes that ultimatum, she is instantly classified as high maintenence, so my response to her question would be "so...were breaking up then.  bye."

it's weed, get over it.  its not even a big deal.  "die a little inside..." psh.  you've gotta be kidding me.

EDIT: i never said you were high maintinence, you're putting words in my mouth. i said if you told him that he had to choose between you and smoking, that would MAKE you high maintenence, and therefore, he would pick the choice that asks nothing, only gives.

Answer 3

no you are not being fickle. it is up to him to take the call.  

Answer 4

   Well Pot was put here for a use! A medical use not for recreation. You are quite right in if he needs to feel disconected from the world that offten then he has problems. Do not listen to those that tell you you should join him. You seem sweet and you like life why spend so much time disconected from somthing you enjoy? Pot has its place but if you abuse it you it losses its poupose and just becomes another drug. Your not fikle you are just growing up and reilizing how great life is. You also said you felt disconected ask your self is that part of the resion you feel that way now is because he you think when he dose this he becomes disconected from you? You do what you know is right girl. You wont regret it. Best of luck to you!!

Answer 5

Decide what you want and then tell him how you're feeling.

Ultimatums rarely work, and you can't change anyone else, so your options are likely to be :  a) Get over it  or  b) Break up with him.

Answer 6

alright i'm only 16 and i've stoped and started more than almost anyone i can think of,  i started when i was 14 and have gone from doing it every day to 3 seperate times stoping for 4 months.  The thing that really turns me off of it is how it mentaly consumes people.  its not phyicaly addictive but it is mentaly(but anything can be mentaly addictive, like mcdonals or somthing) if you wanna stop, you easily can.  I would not demand for him to stop smoking(im not saying your gonna do that) but that has to be a desision he has to make for himself, dont put that kind of burdon on him.  tell him that u dont really like it but DO NOT try to make him quit. that will just ruin your relationship.  dont buy him **** for it either that just makes him think that you approve of it.  just dont let it bother you so much, as long and he doesnt do it around you who cares

Answer 7

You guys should just smoke together. You are thinking to much if you feel disconnected. I am 21 and I have been smoking since I was 12! I am doing great in this world.

Don't worry about him. If he wants to quit, he will because weed isn't physically addictive. Only mentally, so if he really doesn't want it, he will stop on his own. Don't fight him over it or let it ruin your relationship.

You can't make him change now that you are in the relationship. Consider moving on if you don't hold the same values.