My fiance's aunt is throwing me a shower she keep's inviting people who are not invited to the wedding, help!?

Question

My fiance's aunt started asking a few months back about a bridal shower. I told her at that time a friend of our's wanted to host one for me, but she insisted that she wanted to and now has taken over even with my plea's not to. She keep's inviting people to the shower that I don't care for, one person that come's to mind is a past landlord who did us wrong in a number of way's whom she is friend's with. She know's the trouble she has caused us in the past but is still inviting her. There are a few other's that I am worried about because I think she may have invited them to the wedding, or given hint's that they will be getting an invatation. I have voiced my opinion, but to no avail.

What do I do? I would love a few unbiased opinion's!

Thank's ya'll!

Answer 1

This is kind of like an unauthorized biography -- don't endorse it.

Your fiance's aunt is being very bold, presumptuous, rude and tacky.  If you have already spoken to her about your feelings on this, your only recourse is to inform her if she insists and persists with these unapproved plans for a bridal shower, you simply cannot attend.

Since this is your fiance's aunt, you both need to make your feelings VERY clear, together.  Perhaps THEN she will finally get the hint.

Best Wishes.

Answer 2

You probably have already lost the war on this, but try again and just state to her that you and your fiance need to see any invitations before they are sent out. Have your fiance make clear to aunt that "other plans" may come up if requirements are not met.

Answer 3

my fiances aunt is also throwing me a shower and there are ladies coming to it that arent invited to the wedding. i didnt know if they were invited to a shower they had to be invited to the wedding.

Answer 4

What your fiance's aunt is doing is seriously wrong and will offend a lot of people.  Given that she refuses to listen to you:  Tell her that you do not authorize her throwing a shower for you.  Tell her if she throws a shower for you, you will not attend.  Try to get a list of everyone she's invited, and contact them to tell them that that shower is not happening.  If your aunt has the chutzpah to still throw the shower, and people bring gifts but you're not there, return all those gifts with an apology letter.  

P.S.  Re. the first response:  If someone is not invited to the wedding, they absolutely should not be invited to shower the bride with gifts!  And the bride and groom determine who will be invited to the wedding, NOT the aunt.

Answer 5

Okay, first, if you've already talked to her about it, I'd be curious to know her reaction & answer to your concerns.

But, now I would enlist my fiance or his mother to help; it is his aunt that's doing this, so someone on his side should help you out with this! Usually, in planning a wedding, you handle your relatives & he handles his!  So, talk to him & his mom & see if they have any suggestions.

Come at them like this:"  I'm just concerned that she may be inviting people to the shower that are not invited to the wedding and I know that in etiquette terms, that is a big no-no!  I just don't want to make any etiquette blunders or make those people think i am just out to get a gift from them!".  

I would not even mention the person you don't like; I don't think there's much you can do about that at this point.

And just so you know, and may want to mention to them at your discretion, usually when someone throws you a shower, they are supposed to ask you for a list of the people you want invited to it.  That way, they are not asking all the same people as to your other showers & overloading these folks with gift buying!

Answer 6

Just because their not going to the wedding doesn't mean they can't come to the shower.