My fiance's parents hate me?

Question

I'm almost 20 and have with my boyfriend/fiance for 5 years. Just over a year ago, we bought a house together. We're relatively happy but I know that his family don't approve of me. They often make remarks about the fact that I'm not working (I'm at university at the minute and when I'm done, in two years, will be earning more than them!) The fact that my mum is unable to work due to her illness is another chance for them to disapprove of our relationship. Also, his sister makes sly digs about my family, too. My brother was assaulted and suffered a brain hemorrhage a couple of years ago, which made him incapable of working, and she makes remarks about "scruffy" people on the sick and on benefits. My fiance has recently been laid off from his joinery job and I have had to leave my part time sales assistant job as I was being bullied by a supervisor. This added further fuel to the fire as his parents thought I should have just "stuck it out". Just before we bought the house, his father warned him against it, saying "You know you'll end up paying for everything" and even suggested that he put it in his name only! They just act normal and deny everything if we bring it up. They came on holiday with us this year and it was unbearable. It can't go on, I love my fiance but I can't stand his family. I don't know what to do!

Answer 1

That is very sad that they are so d**n opinionated and let their opinions be known, whether that is how they actually feel or not.  My step daughter is a situation a lot like yours.  But we try and tell her that although she doesn't care for her in-laws that they are her husbands parents and will be in his life forever.  It is a very tough spot that your fiance finds himself in.  And it sounds as if you two have approached them and spoken with them.  If he can talk with them on his own and let them know that he is an adult and will make his own decisions, that he loves you and that you are going to be part of the family so they better come to accept it, it would be helpful.  But somehow I doubt that they would listen anyway.  I suppose the best you can  do at present is continue with your education and prepare for your professional development.  Once you have graduated and are making some decent cash watch and see how quickly their opinion changes and all of a sudden you may very well become their favourite daughter in law.  Regardless I would suggest that you attempt to get along with them as best as possible and be the bigger person.  Christ you could p**s them off so badly by being nice that they may just start being the same way towards you just so you can't say we'll I tried and they didn't.  Best of luck regardless.

Answer 2

why do you associate with these people?  You don't invite violence into your life simply because it calls itself family.

This is yet another reason you don't purchase property with someone you aren't married to or when you haven't been paying attention to who they really are.  You may have to leave suddenly and when you aren't married but you are living like a married then you have to maneuver like you're divorcing.

Start severely limiting your time with these people and let your BF visit them as he likes or not.  Ignore them, they are nothing to you.   Does he defend you to them or does he try to stop the negative comments or does ignore them?  Pay attention to how he treats you after one of their ragging sessions. does he still treat you with love and respect or does treat you like he agrees with them?  

Answer 3

Try not to worry about his family.  They will always find something to disapprove of.  They have no reason to be talking about your family.  Just ignore them and do the best you can.  Tell your fiance he needs to sit down with his family and tell them he does not approve of the way you are treated.  His family is trying to run his life and is making you miserable in the process.

Answer 4

I do not agree with anything his parents said except for sticking it out at the job. If he was laid off and you two have a house payment why on earth would you quit? There will always be someone at a job that is a pain in the asss sometimes once you are an adult you have to just deal with in while looking for another job, not quit and then look for a job.

Your fiance needs to tell his family to back off. Your mother or brothers job or lack of job is NONE of their business. They actually sound very petty and manipulative. I am sorry to say if he will not stand up for you now he probably never will. I would sit down and have a long talk with him and encourage him to do the same with his family because people like his family will never change.

Edit: So his father pinned him to the floor by his neck for bringing your mom cigarettes, that is pathetic. I am sorry but his parents are awful. I could never see my husband pinning our child to the floor unless they were incredibly rude or physical to me. What did your husband do? It sounds like his parents are physco.

Answer 5

Tell your fiance that you can't deep with the bullying anymore. Tell him that you love him but his family is making you feel horrible.

Tell him that you don't want to be around people that treat you this way and you would like if they don't visit and if your fiance wants to visit them without you fine, but youaren't going to deal with them anymore.