My fiance and I want to secretly get married?

Question

We want to secretly get married. Mainly bc my parents r going through a divorce and his parents just got done with one, so we really don't want to hear c**p from them or upset them. So anyway way we want to secretly get married he is 24 I am 20. We have careers and everything. When we are ready to tell them we will but for now we only want like 2 good friends knowing. So is this possible and if so how do we go about doing this? And what is the difference between eloping and getting married?

Answer 1

I don't know where you live but if you really want to get married secretly, I know where I live that they announce who get marriage certificates in the paper so if that is the case I would reccomend going out of city/state to get married.  Take a "trip" with one of your close girlfriends (the one who you want to know about the wedding) and go to a courthouse and get married or have a small destination wedding on the beach or vegas or something.  Eloping is running away with the intention of being married.  Married is the act so not too much of a difference, just how you go about doing it.  Technically going away in secret to get married is eloping.  

On a personal note, I think that marriage is something that kind of transends other things and that what is going on with other people (like divorces) shouldn't interfere with it.  Maybe you should talk to your parents and put it in that sense so that you can have your loved ones with you.

Answer 2

Hi Jaclyn:

I will answer your last question first, and then give you my thoughts.

There is NO difference between eloping and getting married.  When you elope....you DO get married!  The thing about eloping is two people "running away" (or staying home) and secretly getting married, which it sounds like you want to do.

Personally, my thoughts are:  DON'T!  The reason I say that is because of this:  I urge you to use the "discover" key at the top of this page and research all of the "brides" who say...."my husband and I ran off to the courthouse to get married.  We didn't have our families present.  Now we want to have a REAL wedding.  How do we do that?"  The answer is....you can't.  You will never be able to get back the "magic of the day" if you run off and keep it a secret.

Now, I am not saying that those that go to the courthouse will not have a long happy married life.  I'm sure they will!  That is not what I am saying.  What I am saying is that at least once a week, there is a poster who asks how to have a "do-over" wedding because she did not have the wedding of her dreams.

So...seriously think about how your family and your boyfriend's family will feel when they find out that you ran off and got married and didn't tell them.  And, how are you going to keep it a secret?  And for how long?  When will you tell them?  Who cares if your parents are getting divorced and his recently did?  That is between them.  They should still be happy for you if you want to get married!  

I totally agree with the first poster.  I think you will get more c**p from them by excluding them and lying to them than you will by telling them that you are engaged to be married.  Think about it.

Answer 3

I think you are likely to get more c**p from them for not telling them ahead of time than you will by telling them.

Answer 4

do it. and if you're family gives you c**p for it (like not including them) s***w em. if it's truly what you want, go for it. check with the city/country where you want to get married about the requirements. get a marriage license and have a ceremony. usually the license is good for 90 days, so you have a good while to get married. it's usually under $100 for the license. you need an id and a birth certificate (if it's in another country). congrats on the engagement, and good luck.

Answer 5

I think it would be a mistake to do it in secret. Your parents and his parents may be going through the pain of divorce, but they would probably still be happy for you, if you include them in your plans. If they found out the secret later through a third party, or from you after the fact, they would be awfully upset.

I don't want to rain on your parade, but after seeing so much divorce already, are you guys absolutely sure you want to get married? You can live together and love each other for a long, long time in perfect happiness without needing to get a certificate.

In my opinion, the best thing you could do is to wait a little while, until the chaos is over, then you can include your parents and share the happy occasion with them.

Good Luck!

Answer 6

You can either go to the justice of the peace or to the pastor of your church. My husband and I didn't want to have a wedding because of the same reason. We had a pastor that married us on a Tuesday afternoon with our witness and then we told everyone later.

Eloping and getting married are the same it's just eloping indicates that you didn't tell anyone beforehand.

Congrats and good luck.

Answer 7

Something as beautiful as marriage shouldn't be kept a secret.  Secrets have ways about coming out when you least expect it. You will hear c**p about getting married whether someone agrees with it or not. But you will hear MORE c**p if you keep it a secret. If anything, tell them you did it after you do, but TELL THEM. They will be hurt if you don't, and I'm sure they will give you all the support you need to make yours work, even though there' s didn't.

Answer 8

If you can't tell your parents that you are getting married, then that's a sign that you're not yet mature enough to get married.

There is zero difference between eloping and getting married. Whether there are two guests at your ceremony, or two hundred, you are still married. A "wedding" means that two people have gotten married, no matter what kind of ceremony or party that entails.

Answer 9

I think most parents would be upset to miss their son or daughter's wedding- whether they tell you or not.

Answer 10

Secretly is not a good idea! It is liable to cause more hurt than just being forward and telling them your wishes. As far as the differnce between wedding and eloping, contrary to another answer you received, eloping doesnt mean not telling anyone. There are alot of diff reasons for eloping, some just want to avoid the hassle of a wedding. Im going to be eloping next month and everyone knows. We just chose to do it this way as we are going on a romantic holiday and chose this time to wed. Well have a "gathering" w/ friends and family later. And there are alot of ministers and justice of peace that do this, search eloping in your area. Best of luck to you!