My fiance cheated on me. Advise?

Question

My fiance and I have been engaged for a little over a month and have been living together for a little over a year. She started acting really strange after I put that ring on her finger and about twice a week she would go out for a couple of drinks after work. She kept saying it was just nerves but my gut feeling told me otherwise. After getting into her email I seen that she was seeing this guy from work. She said she was going to tell me and was glad I found out. She was extremely sorry for hurting me and in order for me to move on (with or without her) I forgave her. I still love her. We are still living together and she says that she will never contact the guy she cheated on me with. Should I stay and give her a chance? How can I trust her again?

Answer 1

If you are asking these people on here "how can i trust her again?" then thats your tell tale sign that you know you wont be able to trust her again, but are second guessing yourself.   Could you stand there in front of her on your wedding day, believing that the vow she is taking is true, when she couldnt commit to you outside of marriage.  The whole point of getting married is to say you will give yourself to that person wholly, through thick and thin and be faithful and loving.  She hasn't displayed these traits now, so what reason does she have to display them in the future?

You have only been together for 12 months, i personally think you should cut your losses and leave.  Would you rather be with her for the rest of your life knowing that she has disrespected you in the ultimate way, and always have doubt in the back of your mind, or would you rather marry someone you know will commit and be faithful, and live a life of happiness and trust, with no doubts?

Answer 2

She is sorry she got caught. She doesn't want to marry you or else she would have stayed faithful. Dump her.

Answer 3

I'm sorry this happened to you.

You will need to ask why cheat on you AFTER putting that ring on her finger???  Is she scared or nervous about getting married...is she having doubts about settling down and spending the rest of her life with you?

I know you love her and that was a big thing for you to forgive her, but before you go through with a marriage you both need to sit and talk and put all your cards on the table.  Ultimately, only YOU can answer this question.  Marriage takes a lot of work and it's full of ups and downs, but to start off on the wrong foot is dooming it from the start.

Answer 4

First sorry this happened to you...that really stinks.

Second, if she cheated on you after she became your fiance and everything is hunky dory and new...imagine a couple of years of marriage.

Also let's say the impossible happens and she never cheats on you again...you wouldn't be able to trust her still.  Everytime she works late...you'd be wondering...every guy that calls...every time she answers a call in the other room...every intimate situation...is she thinking of you...

Although this movie is a comedy...it surely rings true of what you should do in this situation - Along Came Polly...it features Ben Stiller who gets cheated on during his honeymoon...check this thing out...and move on.  It's better you found out what kind of person she was before marriage and way better that it's before kids.

Answer 5

In every single man's mind, we have that we can cheat on them on and on as long as we are not caught, but they can never cheat on us weather we find out or not... They just can't! I say, you can give her a chance just like you would ask if you had been the caught one, and believe me, eventually, you will...

Answer 6

She shoulda been happy wedding planning and picking out bridesmaids etc, not out to the bar with this new boy. That's ridiculous. I don't think you really can fully trust a person like that again, she had your trust and she didn't care, she used you and another guy, not thinking of anyone but herself. Obv. you still love her, you weren't the one that cheated, but I would strongly question her motives before marrying her! Good luck & I am very sorry someone would treat anyone like that.

Answer 7

once a cheater always a cheater! if she cheated on you she really doesnt want to be with you. and how will she stop cheating on you with this guy if she works with him. your relationship will never be the same again and it will always come up in arguements. i wouldnt bother. its a hard thing to do but i would find some one better.

shes not sorry because she cheated on you but sorry she got caught. bs she was going to tell you.  good luck!

Answer 8

dude dont give a chance because "you" did not go thru her mind when she was fu*king him.... does she care??? i dont think so... its only a matter of time b4 she does it again and she aint srry for cheating on you she is srry for gettin caught..

b*tch is a liar

Answer 9

She has problems with commitment and being trustworthy. I wouldn't stay or the hurt can only get worse.

Answer 10

Please, do not do that to yourself.

She's only sorry that she got caught, otherwise, she would keep on playing you like a fiddle.

I'm sorry that you are hurt, but as much as you love her, you have to love yourself too. A person that cannot take commitment seriously, is definetly not ready for marriage.

Once a cheater, always a cheater. It's time to dump that c#nt!

Good luck

Answer 11

You didn't actually say whether or not she *really* cheated on you.  You did say "cheated", but you also said "go out for a couple of drinks after work".  Anyways my point is perhaps I read this wrong, but if not....

If she was just going out with a friend for drinks maybe she is ashamed that you aren't satisifying her need for fun or conversation, and after being recently engaged doesn't want to hurt your feelings.

I would say seek pre-marrirage counselling and check out http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/...

Maybe this other man is filling a need that you aren't (and I don't mean in a sexual way, but emotional, maybe he is giving her attention that you aren't, or she missed going out with friends).

If you aren't willing to try and work with her on this, than you don't really deserve her either.  Yes she might have done a horrible thing, but marriage/relationships are not always peachy keen and you have to work to maintain them and keep them strong.

Now if she had s*x with him, that is another story, and you would really be the bigger person to stay with her or try to work it out, because that is a tough scenario.

Answer 12

Marriage is hard enough, without putting this extra strain on it. If you forgive her and carry on with the relationship, your marriage will almost surely end in divorce. Trust me, it is much easier to end the relationship now and move on.

Answer 13

Get rid of her and wait for the person who will love you and be faithful.

Answer 14

Ok, so I am speaking from experience and my opinion is souly based on me. I think that you need to let her go. Who is to say she wont cheat again? It sounds like she wasnt sorry that she hurt but sorry for the fact that you caught her. If she loved you at all she wouldnt have stepped out of the relationship with someone else.

Answer 15

grab your p***s

Answer 16

I know it's hard when you have strong feelings for someone, but I think the best thing to do is to go your seperate ways.

Back in early '02 I was cheated on by a guy that I loved very very much. I stayed with him and tried to work it out and it was h**l on me. There were constant questions in the back of my mind about whether or not the words coming out of his mouth were truthful or whether they were pure BS. I began to resent him after awhile because he seemed so happy while I was really struggling with horrible feelings that HE caused me to feel. Despite this, I gave it my all and tried to make it work. It fell apart and I wound up dumping him. It's something I don't EVER want to try again, and I'm so glad to be rid of the toxic feelings and unhappiness.

I think it's best to cut your losses and go find someone who will love and respect you enough NOT to cheat.

Answer 17

Talk to her and go for counselling. If she won't go with you, go on your own. If she won't go though, I'd wonder how committed she is to making it work.

Answer 18

Man, that sucks.  It's hard to walk away from the person you love.  But really, how much did she love you when she was with that other guy?  She did it once and you forgave.  Now she knows she can do it again.  Best of luck.

Answer 19

Cheaters are like the scum of the earth,  although if you really love her it would be really hard to just let her go, even though she did do a really terrible thing, like It was a really shady thing to do and just because she says she wont do it again doesn't mean she wont. you really just need to do what your heart is telling you to do, you could give her another chance like whatever you do i wouldn't rush into the whole marriage thing any time soon because of this incident - like seriously put it off for a good while. although if she does do something like that again it will just result in you getting hurt even more because you trusted her enough to give her that second chance. You kind of just need to gather your thoughts and total everything up in your mind and then just follow your heart. I really hope everything works out for you buddy,...

Answer 20

In my opinion, If she has the nerves to cheat on you in the first place, then there is always that chance, and always that thought that will be in the back of your might that she might do it again.