My fiance doesn't like me smoking

Question

hi am27 years old been with my fiance for 3 years, b4 i met him i smoked a little an drunk a little, av been of an on the smokes this few years. i my fiance doesnt like me smoking well he doesnt like smoke. wen i went on them again i dint tell him , but he found out an called me a big liar an just like his other girlfriends liars.. i told him i havnt done anything mayjor wrong just smoking, its not if i cheated on him i woulnt do that. . we broke up over the smoking. an were kind of toghter again, but he wont let me near him to give him a kiss r anything he would say to me , go an spray something on ya r wash ur teeth. and the worse thing is he says dont ring me wen ur smoking. wat do i do . i work near 50 hours a week am a supervisor at work an i would like to come back to a haapy home after work. do i quit the smoking for him, i dont no wat to do, am scared of telling him to go, am scared of been on my own with me an the child.

Answer 1

First thing is first, you need to quite smoking for yourself. If you don't then you will never quit.

Second, if he is that sensitive toward smoking, then use a 1 singe shirt to smoke in when you are home. When you are done, go brush your teeth and put on deoderant or something to get rid of the smell and change your shirt without him asking. You should also try to smoke less when you are at home. Let him know that you want to quit (if this is true) but you have to b ready for yourself and no one else. Let him know that yo cant promise you will quit right away, but you will try to and work hard at it.

Answer 2

If he doesn't like you smoking. Maybe he should think about a different fiance, one who doesn't smoke. One he can control. You don't need that. You continue smoking if you like. There's other guys out there who either smoke, or don't mind it.

Answer 3

What is more important to you, him or your addiction? He will probably make your life better.  The only thing smoking will do is kill you.

Answer 4

Quit smoking, not for him, but for you and your child. I was a smoker. And, my fiancee doesn't like it either. We came to an agreement and I've become a social smoker. Meaning, when we drink, he smokes cigars and I smoke cigarettes. But, since I quit completely, even smoking socially is kind of gross. Try to quit. Get the Nicorette patch. It works. But you have to want to quit.

Answer 5

You need to write in plain ENGLISH.  NOT this stupid cutesy c**p.  This question was so hard to read it's absurd.  

I don't know what the heck you were trying to say, but you are going to DIE sooner because you smoke.  If you smoke around your kid, you are KILLING your kid.  Cigarettes are disgusting.  I wouldn't want to date or marry a smoker either.  And what's WORSE, is dating or marrying a LIAR.

Answer 6

If you want to smoke you have every right to.  He is being controlling and needs to back off.  Don't quit unless you want to.  There is nothing wrong with smoking if that is what you want to do.  It is your decision.  If he can't handle you for who you are that is his problem.

Answer 7

try and stop for him and your child use niggerattes

or how ever you spell it

Answer 8

You're scared of losing him because you don't want to be alone with your kid, not because you love him? I don't like smoke, but from what you describe about him, he isn't worth it. Why did he bother getting back with you when he can't stand you smoke? And on top of that, he gives you attitude about it, instead of helping you curb the habit. You should stop smoking only because you want to. There are lots of reasons to quit, mainly because they're so darn expensive nowadays, and they give you cancer on top of that. It it also dangerous for the people around you too cos second hand smokers have the higher risk of health problem than the smokers themselves. So even if you don't care about yourself, you should start thinking abt your kid.

Answer 9

You should quit for yourself. I smoked for years until I realized how much damage each and every single cigarette does to your body.  Your lungs are very delicate structures.  The people who don't die or become very ill from smoking are the few and the lucky ones.  

Answer 10

You quit for yourself and most importanly for your child!!!!! I'm sure I don't have to tell you about second hand smoke and children. What do you love more smoking or having a family?

Answer 11

you lied to him when he made it clear that it mathered to him

sorry but its your choise to smoke, he chose not to smoke and dont like the smell, you cant expect him to kiss you once you smoked, he dont like it and as such chose not to

and furthermore it can affect your health, the smell in your home etc, just as its your rigth to smoke, its his rigth to choose not being around smoke

if smoke is more important to you then him then be honest about it and accept his rigth to make his own choises, you dont quit smoking for him, you quit smoking for yourself if you want to be with him

if not then you accept that for you smoke is more important

and you cant choose to stay with someone for being afraid of being alone

are you aware of the ways this can affect your child though? exposing him to it in probably small age if you got allergy genetics in your genes, can make your kid at higher risk to get allergy...not saying you got allergy, but you sure should make sure you dont have it in your family...

  

Answer 12

Please remember that marriage is a commitment for life and you can't really pick such a commitment when you're consciously hurting your body to that extent. It doesn't matter how many you smoke, it's the fact that you're poisoning your body and he realizes that. He seems to care about your body more than you do and that's actually sad.

I know smoking is a really bad addiction and hard to give up, but definitely consider what kind of a life you want and if smoking is worth throwing it all away later on with failing lungs or even worse.

Quit for yourself and never look back. Be strong and start a life with him on a healthy and happy note and look forward to a future that you two can stand by each other through thick and thin.

All the best!

Answer 13

There seems to be two problems here...your smoking and the fact that you lied to your bf about it.

Him not liking smoke is a preference--he's conscious of the impact on one's health and would prefer not to be around it.  On the other hand, you lied to him about smoking and that probably made him even angrier.

You should quit for yourself.  I could very well say that if he loves you, then he'll deal with it but I take the same stance as your bf.  I'm not a fan of smoking and thankfully my husband knows that, but if he ever took it up I'd be really angry.

Answer 14

whats more important to you, smoking or him?  that there should answer what you need to do!  

Answer 15

THIS ISNT ABOUT SMOKING

ITS ABOUT YOU EBING DISHONEST TO HIM...

THINK ABOUT IT.. BEING HIS FIANCE, YOU SHOULD NOT HIDE THINGS FROM HIM....

YOU WOULDNT LIKE IT IF HE HID THINGS FROM YOU...

YOU WOULD THINK HE WAS A DISHONEST PERSON...

IT DOESNT MATTER WHAT THE LIE WAS ABOUT.. ITS THE FACT THA YOU LIED. PERIOD.

SMOKING IS HORRIBLE. I DONT BLAME HIM FOR NOT WANTING TO KISS YOU.. ITS NOT PLEASANT...  WHY SHOULD HE HAVE TO DEAL WITH THE AFTER MATH OF YOUR NASTY ADDICTION?

AND YOU ARE QUESTIONING WHETHER YOUR CIGERETTES ARE MORE IMPORTANT TO YOU THEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP...

THATS A SAD SAD THING

Answer 16

Do you want to quit? If you do, this is your inspiration. I'm sure he's more than willing to help you.

You have to respect that he doesn't like the smoking. I'm the same way. I would never date a smoker, much less marry them, and if you continue smoking you can't blame it on him when he leaves. Think about your child too. My mom's lungs are absolutely horrible just from the second hand smoke of my grandparents. She has asthma from the smoke and she has the smoker's cough yet she's never had a cigarette in her life. Is that how you want your child to live?

Decide what you want to do for you and if involves smoking let your fiance know that you don't plan on quitting. Let him make his decision from that. If you want to quit, you'll have plenty of support from him and everyone else in your life.

Answer 17

Well think about it.  Would you appreciate your man doing something like that.  You reek of smoke, you are destroying your looks (and we all know men are visual creatures) and killing yourself.  Think about it.  If he were doing something that was going to kill himself, cutting short your life together and ending his time with any children you have, wouldn't you want him to quit?

As for not wanting to kiss you until you smell better, I don't blame him.  You'd say the same thing if he worked at a sewage company or something.  The negatives of smoking are well publicized.  You know all that stuff.  So why are you smoking?  As a mother you should want to protect your kid.  Killing them with second hand smoke and ensuring that their mother doesn't live long enough to see them get married or have children isn't protecting them.  I'd be glad that the man I wanted to marry loved my children enough to protect them--even if it's protecting them from me.

You don't even sound like you are addicted.  You said something like you only smoke when you drink.  If so, than why not quit?

Most importantly you lied to him.  Of course he said you are a liar.  You did lie to him over something major.  Major enough that he dumped you over it.  If you want to come home to a happy home you have two options:

1) Find a new man who doesn't mind that you smoke.

2) Keep this man and quit smoking.

It really depends on how much you love him.  Do you love him more than the next cigarette; do you love enough to continue to live for?

Answer 18

What child?  You don't mention a thing about a child.  Are you pregnant...and smoking?  If you're doing that, then you have better reasons than his dislike of the habit to quit.  Actually, you have better reasons than his dislike of the habit to quit whether you're pregnant or not.

I have a similar situation, except I'm on your fiance's side of the fence.  My husband knew very early on in our relationship how I despise smoking.  I think it's a filthy, stupid habit that is potentially lethal not only to the person doing it but to others around them.  The fact that my mother died of lung cancer from smoking leaving me alone in the world at the age of 26 (no siblings, no father, no husband then) pretty much set my attitude about that in stone.  When my husband and I were planning our wedding, I found him out in back of his office smoking with his boss and I went ballistic on him.  I told him explicitly that if he wanted to do that, he'd be doing it married to someone else, and I wasn't kidding.  To the best of my knowledge at the time, he never smoked again until I started seeing packs of cigarettes in his bag a few months ago.  I went through the whole argument about how in this day and age, when we know how bad for one's health it is, how dumb it is for anyone to choose to smoke, particularly when my husband has an addictive personality.  The last thing, I said, is for you to have another substance to abuse.   Cigarettes were formulated by the tobacco companies to be addictive.  It was at that point that he told me that it wasn't recent, and he'd smoked a cigarette here and there throughout our marriage. Yes, I felt lied to and betrayed.  I still do.

Make two choices:

1)  Your cigarettes or your life.

2)  Your cigarettes or your life with him.

Answer 19

Yes- you should stop smoking. He had a right to leave you b/c you lied about it. Cheating is another form of lying.. so they are both bad. You should quit because cigarettes are not helping you and is making your life worse. He is trying to make your life better. Its not like hes telling you to stop wearing your favorite shirt, or stop eating spaghetti-- hes saying cigarettes are disgusting, unhealthy, and I dont want to be around that. Or, have that around my family. Not only that- imagine how much money you will be saving if you stop. I think your family is worth you quitting. ;) good luck

Answer 20

the smoking and the dishonesty are two intertwined, but seperate issues.  there is fault on both sides of the table here.  first, your faults.  you should not have lied about the smoking.  the fact that you think that it's "nothing majorly wrong" is irrelvent and relative.  to him, it is a big deal.  you might have to decide for yourself if doing something that is expensive, corrosive, filthy, etc.  is worth losing your fiance.  more importantly, quit smoking because it is the healthy thing to do.  i know that it's hard (i'm not judging you) but please try to quit.  it will be the best move that you can make.

he is playing dirty pool by bringing past girlfriends into this.  how is it your fault that all of the other girls that he dated are liars?  sounds more like he should have blamed himself for not dating more quality women.  he sounds like he is being controlling, and if he is controlling with this, where is it gonna end?  if he's trying to make you stop, he's going about it the wrong way and doesn't understand that it's an addiction.  it's hard to stop on your own.  in fact, his tactics are probably subconsciously making you want to smoke even more.  

sounds like the two of you need some counseling before you walk down the aisle.  don't get married like this, as you both seem pretty immature right now.

Answer 21

Quit the smoking. My goodness. As a child of someone with cancer it disgusts me that you would continue to do this with a child. I can't blame him.  

Answer 22

If you're 27 years old and a supervisor, I'm Mary Poppins.  I think you're 18 and lying about your age, and now lying to your man about smoking.  If you wanna smoke, smoke.  Don't lie to him about it, because he's gonna smell it anyway.  That's a dealbreaker for me because I smoke and I don't want to hear any whining about it. Take me as I am or stfu.  Do what you want to do but be strong and honest about it.  You don't owe him any apologies for smoking, only for keeping it from him.  I'd tell him you need a break while you two figure things out.

Answer 23

Okay, that was difficult to understand but I think I have a grasp...

If you want the relationship to work, you may have to stop smoking.  It sounds like this is more than just a minor annoyance for him and it's not really doing anything for you health-wise or otherwise.  I think it would be a nice gesture on your part and would improve your relationship.  Plus you will have more years to live and enjoy with your husband.  Talk to your doctor about helping you quit.  Good luck!