My fiance gets jealous when i pursue acting as a career..but it's my passion. what should i do?

Question

I have been with my fiance for 4 years now. We have a great relationship, We're completely in love. However, i have a passion for theater and films and i've taken several courses in acting. I've always wanted to be an actor. My fiance tells me to go ahead and follow my heart but he says that he will get very jealous if someone else touches me at all and he won't know whether he'll be able to take it. I'm 20 and he's 29. He's already seen a lot in life and he puts priority of family (which is me) over everthing else. He says that nothing else will make him leave me, but that if i have to touch other men, then it will be very hard for him to stay. I love him so much. We've grown together. However, if i don't pursue my dream, i know that i will live my life in sadness. Has anyone else been in this situation before? If any of you were/ are actors, how do your significant others react to it? What should i do?

Answer 1

Your fiance is right. Part of your acting career will involve touching and maybe even kissing other men. Most men will become jealous, because its almost like cheating on them. Most actors and actresses justify this by saying that its part of their job, or its just for tv - their relationships don't exactly last forever do they? Imagine your husband pursuing an acting career that involves touching other women (or even kissing)... how would you feel? Personally, if my girlfriend pursued an acting career, and had a romantic scene with another guy I would be absolutely heartbroken, but I'd say its okay to not seem controlling. I really think that your husband doesn't want you to go for it, but is just saying that he's okay with it to not seem controlling.

That doesn't mean that you can't pursue an acting career. Not all roles involve being romantic with other men. Why don't you tell your husband that you will only be pursuing roles where you don't have any romantic scenes? Bingo problem solved.

EDIT: Don't think of it as a trust issue, because after all you would be kissing other men, so where is the trust in that?

Answer 2

It is unfortunate that your fiance has jealously issues and is using emotional blackmail to discourage you to pursue your interest in acting.

First of all, who's saying that your going to get a part where you have to kiss another guy? There are plenty of plays that don't require that. Does he mean touching at all? If you do a musical, you may need to partner dance with another guy and he will have to touch you. Does your fiance have a problem with that??

It sounds like he has serious control issues not to mention a severe lack of self esteem. These are his issues. Of course you can be supportive and sympathetic to things that are upsetting, but something like this??

I think you should find a play to audition for that has no physicality (and by that I mean romantic scenes, you WILL probably need to touch a member of the opposite s*x at some point...) and use that as a starting place. It might also be a case of not just being about the guys, but maybe your fiance doesn't want to engage in any outside activity at all with him. Especially something like acting which require a huge commitment.

Now as far as your relationship goes, and this is absolutely none of my business,but this doesn't sound healthy at all and has the potential to go down a bad path. Honestly, I think you should DTMFA. If you don't know what that nifty acronym mean, google it and Dan Savage, who writes a great s*x advice column called "Savage Love". It's great!!

Answer 3

Well I am a aspiring singer/actress.

I understand you're dreams, I've had 9yrs of karate,

7yrs of ballet/jazz and 8yrs of hiphop. and also a LOT

of theater 'stuff'........All I want is my dream.

He is right and wrong. I mean, I don't know anything but what you have written in this, But from what I see....

If I was you atleast... I'd sit down and talk to him.

Tell him how much you love him, And that you are so, so, SO, Happy that he is there for you, and then...Tell him that, you're dream, Will invovle this. Exsplain how much you love him, And how its just acting. How it means nothing, And how, You love him, and he says he wants the best for you, and tell him that you will be sooooo sad if you dont pursue you're dreams.

If he still doesn't understand.......

Honestly, if it was me and I was in love,

with my dream and fiance,

I would go for my dreams,

And anytime you had to do a "touchy lovey"

scene tell you're fiance,

right before it...

That you love him,

And when you're kissing the 'other guy'

you're thinking about him.

Sorry I can't give you more advce,

But thats about all I can say.

Things will work out :)

Good luck...with everything!

~.Liv.~

Answer 4

No real offense meant but HE has issues that go beyond your acting dream, and possible, NOT YET manifest, consequences.

   To even state this as a dictate, and then to add "It will be very hard to stay" is a RED flag in my opinion.

   One of his issues may be the age difference, and YOUR age when you began dating. HE was already an adult while you were VERY definitely a MINOR. YIKES. I mean no offense by that, but in my world 25 and 16 is just a wee bit odd.

   I'd say the age difference is causing him some deep insecurity feelings, and jealousy is an immature trait no matter ones age. His attitude also speaks to his level of TRUST in YOU. Apparently he worries. Is there some basis in his issue, religiously based perhaps?

   Follow your heart is a cliche, but most certainly to deny your passions is to risk losing them. To be led otherwise, by another, will not only be AS harmful to the relationship as his claim of staying, but to NOT do what YOU feel impassioned by, will degrade YOU, and the relationship may end at some point anyway,,, leaving you without your dream.

Just my 2 "scents"