My fiance has 5 kids?

Question

My fiance has 5 children and we have one child together. He works from home and I know he has to work a lot in order to support 6 children but when his children come over I cook for them, get them dressed and try to keep them occupied while he is on his computer working. My problem is that he shows no appreciation for the things that I do and then I get angry. So then his response is "you hate my kids" This happens every time they visit and I don't know what to do to get through to him. Actually he has been talking about getting full custody of two of them and he doesn't even ask me how I feel about it when I will most likely be caring for them.

Answer 1

Here is my two cents.   Blood is thicker and water, remember this until the day you die.   I myself have been through this, not that many kids, but one.   No matter what or how you reason with him, his children will always, always, come first.   In my case I was already married and lived through the whole evil stepmother line.   Imagine, the child was already a grown adult when she came to live with us.   Before you consider walking down the isle, write down some ground rules for the kids, such as chores, disciplanary guideline, etc. I don't know how old the kids are, but clear written rules need to be set by you and fiance.   Period.   Now that my husband's child left, grown enough to be on her own, I still resent the fact that he didn't stand up for me.    

Answer 2

Its best if you sit him down and talk to him when the kids arent there.  That way its not when hes already stressed for all the comotion of having 6 kids in the house.  Tell him how you have been feeling, but try to remain calm about it.  I know it can be hard but that is really the best thing to do.  good luck.

Answer 3

YOU'LL BE ALRIGHT, PATIENCE. IF YOU REALLY LOVE HIM, LOVE CONQUERS ANY PROBLEM. RELAX AND ENJOY IT ALL.

Answer 4

I agree with the first answer...but want to add that you should tell him you want a parenting partnership...and while you love his kids and your child together, you're idea of a healthy co-parenting marriage is one where both people bear the responsibilities...and ask if he can cut down on the computer time, turn off once in a while so you can handle the children as a team and have fun family time together.

Good luck...and GOOD FOR YOU...that's a lot of 'someone else's' responsibility to take on...

Answer 5

Not to be rude but why would you get involved with someone with 5 kids? You need to sit him down and talk to him about it, let him know how you feel. You have to consider these things before you make a desicion to commit to him. Good luck

Answer 6

well another insensitive slob! sounds like he just whats you around to take care of his kids and the custody is just to get away from the child support $$$$$$. Your just a cheap babysitter and bed partner for him so he doesn't need to take his responsibility's seriously look in to why he's not with their mother anymore.

Answer 7

You need to sit down when there are no kids around (after bedtime) and state your concerns. Let him know in advance what you will be talking about so he can have time to prepare himself and let him know that neither of you is allowed to get angry or yell at the other person. Explain that you do love and care for his kids, but that it's a lot of work and that if he wants full custody of his kids and wants them in the same home as you, then you have every right to have a say in that decision. If he doesn't want to give you that right, then there's a reason why he has so many children by so many different women--none of them were willing to put up with him. You need to let him know that for your relationship to work that you need to know he is considering your needs.  

Answer 8

Write down your thoughts and feelings...and then when there are no children present and you have some time to spend together to talk, share your feelings with him.  Your feelings are your feelings.  Even if he gets angry he cannot change the fact that you are feeling them and that they are important to you.  Make sure you start out on a positive note though.  Tell him how much you love him and his children.  Tell him how much you appreciate how hard he works to support his family.   This approach works with my husband.