My fiance hates my mother?

Question

They have had some problems in the past and yes my mother has hurt me but I have chosen to forgive her. After all shes my mother but when I told my fiance that we were talking he told to to make a decison Him of Her. If I continue to talk to her than hes going to leave me and if I don't I'm losing my mother. It is unfair for him to put me in this position, you should never have to choose between your fiance and your mom. I understand that their are sour grapes and they have have problems in the past but I think he needs to let it go Im not asking them ot be friends or to even talk. I even said that I wouldnt talk to her about him and vice a versa. I just want to be able to talk to herand have a relastionship with her and my brothers. Any feed back would be GREATLY appreciated.

Answer 1

ok. talk to ur fiance and if he is gonna get married to you then he should be able to listen . its a good thing u forgave ur mother and if u did then he should also. good luck  

Answer 2

You shouldn't not be put in a position where you have to choose. That is really unfair on you. They don't have to like each other but they should be civil and respect your relationship with each of them. I'm not close to my mother. Never have been, in fact, I wouldn't even say we have a 'good' relationship, but I know I would never choose anyone over my own blood. The saying ''blood is thicker than water'' is true. You might love your fiance very much but if he can't learn to get along with your mother then he's not worth your time. I think deep down, you know what YOU want to do. You shouldn't allow anyone to tell you otherwise. YOU are the one who has to be happy. And keep in mind that you can't change how anyone else feels or thinks. Best of luck, Hope this helps.

Answer 3

IF your fiance loved you he would not ask you to make this decision to begin with.  When you love someone you do not ask the person you love to make these kinds of choices, you ACCEPT the fact that they are who they are, they care about who they care about and that is that.  Frankly I would tell the "fiance" to take a hike.  

Answer 4

I think that your fiance has some huge control issues.  This situation will only get worse as time goes on, and might expand to other areas of your life.  Would be a miserable way to live.

If it were me?  I'd let my fiance know that while he has no use for my mother, and while he might have valid points, i still love my mother and intend to carry on a relationship with her.  I'd also let him know that the problem is between him and my mother, and I am not a party to the problem, and won't be.

If my fiance couldn't accept this, he'd be history.

Answer 5

Tell him flat out, "If you are forcing me to make this decision then you really don't care about me at all. You are asking me to choose between two of the most important people in my life. By asking me to choose you are being selfish and childish. If you want me to choose I will, but just know that you wont like the outcome."

Answer 6

It's not his decision to make. Tell him to get over it or leave.

Answer 7

No idea what this lady did to make him hate her for all time. But you forgave her.

Um, you realy have to ask yourself how many rules this guy gets to make for you about who you can and cannot speak to. How ften he gets to end an argument with my way or the highway... that seems at  least annoying to me.

You are making options and behaving reasonably, he is not. I mean, I don't know what she did... she's not like a serial killer, right.

Answer 8

deal with it everyone is not going to like everyone

Answer 9

just love your mother and ask her why she is upset

Answer 10

He has no right to tell you that you can't talk to your own mother. Now, either your mother did something really, really terrible that he feels this way, or he's a control freak to a disturbing degree.

If it's the first one, they you need to explain to your fiance that despite what she did she's still your mother. You're not going to trust her easily and you're not going to let her hurt you, but you're not going to turn your back on her either.

If he's just a control freak, well this is the tip of the iceberg. Time to imagine it 10 times worse, because that's where you'll be within 2-5 years.

Good luck to you either way.

Answer 11

What the h**l do he expect for you to do! You right regardless, she's your mother. He's wrong for making you choose and if he loved you, he would not have let that come out of his mouth. You're right, they don't have to talk to each other. This a messed up situation, this is a man you love and your future husband and you love your mother even though she have done you wrong. I don't know what to tell you at this point, its sad!

Answer 12

There are 4 main things you should talk about and agree on before marring someone.

1.Money-Number one killer of marriages. Make sure your on the same page as far as spending and goals.

2.Religion-If you have it or don't make sure you both agree on it.  

3.Kids-Another big deal breaker. Make sure you both feel the same way as far as having or not having kids.

4.Family-If you don't like his parents or he doesn't like yours it's going to put stress on your marriage, and it will probably fail.

So, sounds like your choice is easy. He's not your lifelong partner, he's just that guy you used to be engaged to.