My fiance is taking his 2 nieces in what can we do?

Question

to make their transition easy on them?

should we send the girls to counselling as their father was killed last summer and now they are coming from a crack addict mom who let welfare take the girls instead of calling on the family to take care of them. they are currently in foster care and we are thinking that they should see a counsellor anyone been through anything like this? thanks

Answer 1

The Girls are going through a really tough time. You should make some sort of counciling available to them, it will really help them to deal with the stress of the situation much better...also you being home will help as well as just being there for them. Love really is an amazing thing and soon enough I am sure you will soon think of them like your own  ( I took my younger sister in a few years ago when my mother started her drug habit) You and your fiance should go to counciling as well...It can be really stressfull for both of you taking on such a HUGE responsibility. The Girls are lucky to have the two of you...good luck with everything...children are resilent and they bouce back very quickly when they live in a stable environment.

Answer 2

first things first. love them. show them love every second of every day.  don't speak bad of their mother or father.  but be there to talk about them when they ask.  my ex wife and I took in her two younger brothers when their father killed himself and their mother was a meth head and could not take care of them.  

if you show them love and discipline the transition may not be necessary for counseling.  you will know when counseling is needed. but don't push it on them.  it has been 6 years for us and counseling has not been needed.  their mother has cleaned her self up and sees her sons, her daughter, (my ex) and her grand kids. (my kids)  but she does not have custody of her sons. so don't think they will have to go back to her.  

your love has to change to love them as your own kids, for it to work.  if you have any other questions please feel free to respond back to me.

Answer 3

seek counselling if they are old enough.  otherwise play it by ear and just go with the flow for the first couple of months.  the children need to know they are safe and loved and aren't going to get taken away again.  God bless you two for being willing to take them in.

Answer 4

Definately find a good therapist for them, Child Welfare will probably require reports on their well being and mental status for some time to come. Make sure you both understand that this won't be easy. You may hear some resistance, and alot of you're not my mom/dad. Be sure to keep in mind that they have been through alot. Set the rules and boundries for your house right away, you don't say how old they are but if they are really young it may be a bt easier then if they are older. Just give them time and be patient. Give them hugs when they need them but back  off when they make it clear your affection isn't wanted. It will take some time for them to feel, safe and loved and in a permamnent place. You care, thats what matters the most so everything will eventually fall into place.

Answer 5

good luck on trying to get them back.. because once they are in the states hands its h**l trying to get them back, and you may have to prove to the courts that you can take care of them..

Answer 6

Counseling is an excellent idea...for all of you.  The girls need it absolutely.  You two will need it because those are some very damaged little girls and you will need to know how to help them.

Good luck and you are doing a wonderful thing.

Answer 7

Both girls will need to immediately be assessed for therapy services.  They should also be scheduled for dental checkups, eye exams, and physicals.  Check to make sure their immunizations are up to date.  Most children who come into custody have suffered neglect in these areas.  I would obtain school records and make sure that the only girl is on target educationally.  For the little one, I'd have her evaluated by parents as teachers to make sure she will be ready for Kindergarten. These girls need a consistent and stable environment.    In my opinion, taking in foster children is wonderfully heroic.  God bless you.

Answer 8

All kids need as much LOVE as possible.  Shower them with it.   Show them they can depend on you, and provide them security.

Anything else should be addressed by a doctor.  Depending on their age and level of abuse you could do more damage than good to try to handle issues on your own.

Good luck and God Bless!

Answer 9

What you've suggested is great! I think that you are even asking this question shows your love and concern for the girls. That right there is fantastic. They are going to need stability and people who love them... not that Mom and Dad didn't.... but people who are mentally (and sadly enough, physically) there to help them out.

Still be stern with them when the situation calls for it. Don't let them get away with everything... but still be a great friend and role model for the girls. Especially you. You will need to provide a lot of positive female reinforcement to help them with the transition.

Good luck to you guys. You are fantastic people for making a heart-breaking situation better for these girls.

Answer 10

thank you for stepping up to the plate so these kids can have someone to finally count on.

Answer 11

Counseling in this type of situation would be a benefit to all of you.  All of you will benefit from it, and it will give you something to do as a "family" to show the children how much you care about them and their well-being.  It may open the doors of communication more for all of you.  Great idea!

Kudos to you and your fiance for helping these children.

Answer 12

Counseling is indeed a very good idea. Consistant love, attention and affection is going to be needed as well. Sitting down and talking to and listening to them also will be needed. Let them know that although their lives have been in upheaval for awhile now, you intend to be there for them through thick and thin, they will need to be assured of something constant.

Answer 13

well just treat them like your kids and if they want to talk about thier father or mother than they will come to you or your husband and again dont bring thier father or mother up and treat them like they are your kids