My fiance wants 8 best men? is this allowed?

Question

my fiance has a group of 16 close friends 8 of which he is very close to and cannot pick just one or two to be his bestmen, he wants 8 of them to be bestmen/ushers. it is the one thing he insists on for the wedding and says i can make the final decision on everything else. we are having a traditional church ceremony, will he be allowed 8 people standing up at the alter with him. any suggestions or ideas

Answer 1

Will you be ALLOWED it?!?!? It's your wedding, YOU make the decisions. If that's what you (he) wants, do it!

Answer 2

He can have 8 best men if he wants.

Nikki1462 ♥

Answer 3

You could do a couple things, really.  You could give everyone the same title, like, omit the best man position and make them all groomsmen; or just call them all best men! Or, just give the one he's known the longest the title, and when asked, that could be the reason and no one could really argue with that.  

Basically the best man just helps the groom get ready, makes a speech and there isn't really much else to it.  Just a title.

I think the best thing and the best way not to hurt anyone's feelings is give them the same title.

Congratulations!!!

Answer 4

As long as there is physical space for them to stand up there, the church shouldn't have a problem with it.

Its fine to call them all 'best man' if he wants to.  If you don't have 8 girls that you want to stand up there with you, you could suggest that he have 4-6 be "best men" and the rest be ushers.

It also depends on how big a wedding you're having.  If its a small wedding with only 50 people invited, it'll look strange to have such a big wedding party.

But really, if its something that you want to do, go for it.  Its not breaking any rules.

Answer 5

You tell your fiance to lower that number to 1  best man stay out of the wedding plans.  I regret helping my wife with our wedding.  It was supposed to be her day....not mine or her evil mother's.  Tell him it is a woman's right of passage to plan her wedding her way....not his.  If he gets mad or doesn't understand, then ask him to call me.  

Answer 6

OK - here's the answer:  marriage is not a 50/50 deal.  Just because he wants 8 friends doesn't mean you have to have 8 attendants.  And, by the way, you shouldn't have the final decision on everything else either ... getting married is really the first "test" of a marriage.  Don't flunk it before you even get started.  And don't worry, the minister will oversee the placement of whoever the attendants are

Answer 7

Of course it's "allowed". This is your wedding, and only you and the groom get to decide what's right. If he wants 8, then I say go with 8. It doesn't even matter if it's equal on your side. My personal feeling about weddings is that if it feels right, then it IS right. Nuts to what anyone else says.  

Answer 8

It's unusual but certainly allowed - as long as your church or venue lets have 16 people up there at the altar (I'm assuming you intend to have a matching number of bridesmaids).

If you want to make a special thing out of it, you can call all of your attendants "ladies of honor", instead of having one maid of honor and seven bridesmaids.

Answer 9

I'm having my 3 best friends ALL be bridesmaids. I'm not having a maid of honor and he isn't having a best man. We both couldn't decide who to pick so we didn't. =)

Answer 10

he can have 20 if he wants it is his wedding!

Answer 11

i hesitate to use the word 'can', but he 'can' only have ONE 'BEST' man, the others would be groomsmen.

however they're referred to, though, he can have as many attendants as he wants...and traditionally you would have the same number, but again, you can do it however you want.

Answer 12

Who is going to hand your groom your wedding band? or are they gonna pass it on down the line until it gets to your fiance.......

He needs to think about that...other than that, he can call them anything he wants to......good luck.

Answer 13

Yeah he can do that... There is no set rule on how many you have to have or have to stay with... Do you have 8 girls who are standing up with you or how many are you having?

Answer 14

8 guys cannot stand right next to him and hand him your wedding band when it's time, there is only one wedding ring. Unless you are going to have a ring bearer who actually carries the ring in the pillow, but that is usually just for show. He can call them whatever he wants, but he has to choose one person to do that part.

Does he have a brother or cousin that can do it - or maybe even his dad, I've seen that done. It would take the pressure off of choosing a friend, because everyone understands about family.

16 groomsmen means 16 bridesmaids too! Is the altar area in your church even going to accommodate that many people? That's something to think about.  

Answer 15

He'll be allowed. Do you have 8 people you want up there? Every wedding I've been to has had an equal number of bridesmaids and groomsmen because it makes the pictures look more balanced.

Answer 16

What about groomsmen?  Are you saying he wants to have a bestman and 7 groomsmen? Or does he not want any groomsmen and all bestmen?  I have never heard of having more than one bestman, but whatever.  He will still have to select one to stand by his side, in the position of honor, while the rest are lined up alongside them.  Even if he doesn't want to 'label' one friend more importantly than the others, that position will still seperate that one person from the rest.  to be fair, he could have them draw numbers or straws or something.  

He can call them whatever he wants to, groomsmen and bestmen.  If you have a lesser number of bridesmaids, then the men that are left without anyone to escort can just walk by themselves.  I have seen that before, and it looks fine.

Answer 17

yup.  I went to a wedding with 8 groomsmen, and 9 bridesmaids.  it was actually funny when the last groomsman escorted two ladies.

Answer 18

There's no law that says how many groomsmen a person can have, or that there has to be equal number of attendants on each side. It just requires some creativity in the planning of the processional -and is quite common for instance to say have one groomsman escorting two bridesmaids down the aisle, or the other way around even- so don;t feel pressured to come up with 8 bridesmaids.

The very least- a couple needs two witnesses, to sign the marriage license and to hold the ring(s).

So whether he wants to call them all ushers or groomsmen, one is going to have to actually stand apart in terms of role as witness and ring bearer. No getting around that. How he decides that is up to hi.

Above and beyond those two things, a best man's responsibilities are advising/aiding during the whole stages of wedding planning, helping with fashion decisions, being MC of bachelor party, and especially with that many groomsmen it's a wise idea to have one commander in chief to sort of be in charge of delegating or overall things. He obviously knows his friends pretty well and should choose them and their duties for their strengths and time /money constraints. You know, if one is good with speeches etc, make that person the MC. Another has a great sense of style, make him in charge of tuxes/other fashion decisions/support. Someone is good with money, make them in charge of giving officiant money, and any other money duties. Some other friend is notorious for losing things, not a good idea to keep him in charge of holding rings, right? One person is a better dancer than the rest, make him sort of the lead for getting dancing going at the reception.

Best men and groomsmen are in charge of paying for and planning the bachelor party. So figure out who is the best at planning parties and make them in charge, with help from others, obviously. It is absolutely asking for chaos to expect all 8 to have the same duties, or not to outline definitive/different areas/duties for each of them. The best man will be the one signing the marriage certificate and easiest to make this person in charge of holding the rings, since he will have to stand right next to the groom. The others are no less important, you just can't have 8 people all standing right next to the groom, no matter how you do it.

Other groomsmen duties: decorating the getaway car, ushering people to their seats, be a resource for confused guests etc. All these guys can have the same title as groomsmen but one of them as I said is going to have the special role of signing the license and holding rings, or get someone else to do that, he has to be right close for ceremony time to give up the rings though. They will each have distinctive list of duties as per their specialities/strengths/weaknesses/areas of expertise etc.

Back to you. You don't have to have 8 bridesmaids just to balance out- it doesn't look 'funny' in pictures- it's common and totally acceptable to have uneven numbers. I've seen this on the processional done nicely with the one BM doubling up with two groomsmen as well as the other way around.

There are general guidelines on sites like theknot.com that say traditionally one BM/groomsman per so many guests. And larger number of attendants sort of give the impression of a more formal wedding.

Remember also (and this is my final paragraph, I promise lol), that the attendants are all responsible for paying for tuxes/dresses and party arranging, as well as transportation to the wedding and helping out, so keep this in mind when deciding who your important people are/will be

good luck and congrats  

Answer 19

Of those 8/16 guys, are they all able and willing to fork over the costs of being in the wedding party including tuxedo rental, transportation/lodging costs for attending the rehearsal, wedding, reception, bachelor party, etc?  You may get some attrition once the date is announced and it conflicts with schedules, etc.

If the answer to the above question is yes, do you have 8 girls to be bridesmaids?  If you can match a girl for each of his guys that is equally willing to buy the dress & fulfill the role, then here's an idea that he might be happy with:

He should tell each of the closest 8 that he considers them all his "best man" and absolutely could not choose from among them.  Tell them that in every way they will be treated equally in all the festivities--wear the same tux, get the same groomsman gift, etc, share in the toast, etc.  Then ask if they would be ok with "flipping" for (or arm-wrestling, or whatever way they want to settle it) who gets to stand in what order during the ceremony.  If they are all good-natured guys, I think this would be a fair solution.  Have the ring bearer actually carry the ring if possible to eliminate this task from one groomsman, and otherwise, if the church sanctuary is big enough, and you all can afford to have that big a wedding party, go for it.

I guess if you have formal seating at the reception, you might have to "flip for that" too, but probably you could just seat all the groomsmen & their dates at round tables together in no particular order, and put the bride & groom & families at the head table, and avoid that issue.

Answer 20

If he wants 8 people at the altar, who is going to watch the wedding.  Just because you are friends with people doesn't mean you have to have them in your wedding.

This wedding **** gets ridiculous.

Answer 21

of course he can but if there is no distinction I think he should just call them all groomsmen.  I don't think it's possible to be equally close to 8 different people.  And only one can be in charge of the ring and stand next to you, so he'll have to make a decision anyway.  but Best Man is suppose to be a title of importance to show that distinction between him and the rest of the groomsmen.  If there isn't one, skip the title all together.

Do you want that many people in your wedding party though?  A lot of brides want both sides to match and a bridal party of 18 is absolutely huge!!

Answer 22

No reason why not. But are they all going to stand in the same spot, next to him?  Maybe they could flip a coin or draw numbers to see which order they stand in. It's awesome that he has so many good friends. Must be a good guy!!!