My fiancee left me 4 months ago (over the phone) and I cant seem to get over him. Any suggestions?

Question

He moved to Japan 5 months ago, and dumped me a month after arriving. It obviously wasnt working for him, but for some stupid reason, I'm still desperately in love with him. My head tells me that he is an absolute w****r for leaving me over the phone etc, but my heart is over-ruling my head. I'm also convinced he's going to come back any day which I KNOW wont happen.

I understand this is probably normal... but I'm sick of it... I want to help things along.

Does anyone have any suggestions about how to help myself get over him? (My friends are all bored of it by now) And how long did it take any of you to get over the person you thought was "the one"?

Thanks.

Answer 1

i was in love with my ex, which i though was it, can be happy and build future together. he too dumped me, by text message, saying its over and getting back with his ex. it tore me apart to be betrayed like this, 1min was happy arranging romantic wkend away, to the next been dumped. I drove my mates nuts not known why this could happen after all done nothin wrong but show my effection and love towards him. but in the end got over him and now iam with somebody else, who tells me every day he loves me, sometimes more then once a day. and wants future with me, treats me like queen, have me put feet up and doing everything for me. u too can have just that in future.

bin everything ur ex got u, or around house that reminds u of him, and burn all photos that of u both together. also delete anything of reminder on ur pc/laptop, permintly. this is way so cant pine anymore over him, or any reminds of him. after all he wouldnt be pining over u, instead he is in Japan living the life and properly haven many women around him, even paying for women..

next delete all contact details, from phone number to email address so cant be tempted to drunkly ring or text or send email to himself. and also change ur num also, no man who does this to u has no respect for u, and also no love either, so why keep remaining have any for him.

u had time grieve over ur hardship, now stop this and get up, go spend time with ur family and friends without speaking of ur ex, he is in the passed now, so leave him just there.. go get ur hair done, buy new clothes and go out and dance night away till ur feet fall off u.. enjoy been single and enjoy the attention of all the other men around u, when u see this attention, u will know plenty more men out there who are only dying get ur attention and have ur company, who will be wantin get know more about u and all about everything u do.

try goin out on dates with other men, this get u more over ur ex and see that better men out there ready for u.. and also take ur mind from him and onto some1 way better for ya..after all this, if ur ex does come back, u wouldnt want him anyways, cos would have found some1 thousand times better for u, who deserves u and u deserves him.

hope u soon get over him and get him out ur thoughs all together cos im sure thats what ur ex done abt u.. go out enjoy been single, theres reason why certain people dont make it to ur future, so find out who is better for u that ur ex didnt make it to ur future.. wish all best luck now and for ur future.. Goodluck (",)

Answer 2

In time you will move on but you always remember the love you had for him.  

Answer 3

sad to say sometimes you never get over it totally even if you meet some other "one" but the pain gets less. 4 months isnt long even though it feels like ages to you. the pain will fade slowly. just accept it as a normal process and at some point you will wonder why it had hurt you so much. a trick i used when i was getting desperate was that everytime i started thinking about my ex i threw it to the back of my mind and deliberately thought of something else important or exciting.

good luck to you.  

Answer 4

Well my wife left me for a guy she met online and then got engaged to him 2 weeks later - I feel you, we're on the same page. She was most definitely the one up until all this happened. Truth of the matter is, I was wrong about her. It took me a while but I truly do not know her at all. The woman I feel in love with was not capable of doing what she did and I'm sure the man you fell in love with wasn't either. Sometimes, the people they were when we met them are not the people they are. Rest assured, this is who he really is - a coward, no matter the explanation only a coward does what he does. I'm still not over my ex wife and the papers have been signed. Everybody keeps telling me "TIME" so I guess I will have to go with that and you probably will too.

Answer 5

Someone gave me this link yesterday. It's pretty good.

Have a look. http://www.wikihow.com/Get-Over-a-Break-...

Think yourself lucky he didn't marry you and then do it. At least you've got the ring. Sell it and have a holiday !

Bstd. What a weak willed spineless t**d he must have been.

Answer 6

Yikes! Well, letls look at it this way - at least he left you BEFORE you got married - he could have done it after!

That was totally s**+**y that he dumped you over the phone. Personally - I would have been hurt too!

But - you need to go through the grieving process . . .  you are supposed to hurt over this still. It will take some time, but that heart-wrentching pull in your chest will go away eventually. Sadly enough there is no cure.

Anyway - I did that too - I mean - thinking that this person will just show up again in your life and things will be great. I spent 5 years thinking things were going to change in my relationship. And things never did. Don't wait around for something that won't happen.

Get out, have fun with friends - for yourself, try to not allow yourself to think about him.

No easy solution . . .sorry! But I wish you luck!

Answer 7

I numbed myself which cheap booze and weed.  

Answer 8

It took me a few years to get over "the one"... But, now i've found a "new the one" and I'm so grateful that the old ex broke my heart!

There's no set time frame... everyone is different. You just need to focus on YOURSELF and do what makes you happy.

Answer 9

i know this is hard, but believe me when i say that you are truly dealing with not having closure. it was hard for me when my first real boyfriend (4 years together) and i broke up. i was depressed. then one day i decided that i was going to force myself into living my life. every day felt a little bit better  than the last. i finally got to a point where i wasn't mad at him and actually hoped for the best for him. it's a good feeling to get to that point. just be open and patient with yourself. now i am married to the real man of my dreams!

Answer 10

please DONT take the advise of cheap booze and weed my god SHE WONT GET RATED FOR BEST ANSWER!!!!!

I'm in same place as you hun difference being i had a child to the man (although we dont have any contact) and we separated over 18 mths ago, I'm asking myself same question. in the time we i have been separated i have spent time with family and Friends and being good to myself. its getting that bit easier as time goes on. you need to give yourself  time to heal and fine closher with in yourself. not only do you have to except the relationship is over but you also have to try and except how the coward finished it with you!! by holding on to the dream he may come back one day you are holding on to an illusion and holding yourself back from not just moving on but from stopping yourself from faceing up to the realisation and the hard emotions of grieving for the loss because its painfull to feel... go with it hun and let go of  the emotion and spend time with ones that love you unconditionally. hold on to a different hope, hope that you WILL meet someone who is more deserving of you. lots of love and best wishes hunny xx

Answer 11

ok, i totally relate to you.  Im hearing you loud and clear.  The woman i adored, loved and told me the same..who almost had my child, who looked after me if i was sick, who i invested in 100% emotionally......the woman  who for me at 35 years of age, i loved more than anything.....split with me, without ever telling me directly ! Then i contact her ( we had been together but she is in another country) and she isnt to be with me.  I pleaded, i said i would keep my heart open.........( begging !).........for her to see sense.......but no, it appears there was someone else.  How did i feel ? here i am, a man of 6'2, strong frame, fit.....alpha male....reduced to a suicidal, depressed wreck......heart broken, distraught, my so called soul mate abandoning me.

So, my point is........how do i get over this ( and you).......believe me i spoke to anyone who was willing to listen, i read every article online......and what am i realising/learning ? Well, it is a mind battle and one we have to win.  This person is GONE........can we continue to be in love with a ghost, an illusion ? we can, but at great expense to our emotional well being.  We HAVE TO MOVE ON.  Easier said than done but do-able.  Regain your power.....battle those thoughts.......these are not our soul mates because if they were, why did they leave us ?

Do i hear from her ? no, not one call, not one email.  The person who supposedly loved me more than herself.......my realisation ? hard reality......i didn t know her like i thought i did.....lesson ? life is deceptive at times.

So, what im saying to you is.........you have the power in your mind to regain your strength in your mind. The battle is within because there is no validation to be given to you from that person.  Fill the emotional gap, for yourself......you owe all to yourself and nothing to them.  They are gone.

As my father said to me " what are you going to do, carry a dead body around and tell people thats your girlfriend, the woman you love ?"

Shes gone......

So  is he.

Good luck and feel free to mail me anytime

Answer 12

Breaking up with someone is  hardest thing to do, it  can takes  days  weeks  months  or even years.. That's the  bad news by the way.. The good news is  that  you  should  take this opportunity to see  that things are not all  bad  and  that you  can go forward with  things that  want to do.. Remember its  his loss, if  he's too stupid to know  that  he  was  onto a great thing when he  was with you  then  you're better off without him because  he obviously  lacks  good judgement. In the meantime, get out there  have fun.. make   today  the  first  day of the rest of your new life!.

Answer 13

I still think about 'the one' sometimes and it was about 8/9 years ago that we split.  The pain was immense at first, I went through denial, shock, grief, depression, anger and then finally I got to acceptance.  Today with the gift of hindsight I can see that relationship wasn't right and he wasn't the right person for me but sometimes just sometimes I reminisce we had amazing chemistry but perhaps that was part of the problem?  Take care of you during this time, look after yourself hun.  Lots of nice bubble baths, make youself some nice food, spend time with family and girlfriends, treat yourself to a holiday etc xx