My fiancee looks at weird p**n and I don't know if it's my place to be upset?

Question

When I first moved in with my fiancee, we had 2 other roommates. One of the roommates & I found a dvd in our stack of movies, it was just a blank dvd that had been burned, so we put it in to see what it was, pretty much it was animal p**n. There was a girl and a horse and a girl and a dog.. everyone denied that the video was theirs. Months later I noticed charges occurring monthly on our bank account, so I did some googling and found it was a subscription to an animal p**n website. When he forgets to delete the history on the computer, I frequently find websites like the ones mentioned above. I've also noticed him visiting dating sites, but I'll get into that later. I finally got really sick of the p**n sites and confronted him [if it was just girls, I honestly don't think I'd have a problem with it, I'd probably even watch it with him], well anyway, he denied it, I mentioned the info about the bank account, and he said he just watched it occasionally because he found it funny. I find that hard to believe if he has a monthly subscription that he pays over $20 for, and is visiting them at least once a week. I don't know if I was hurt or disgusted by it. When I asked about the dating sites he said he was just "curious who in our area was on there", yet he's listed all his personal info on there & it's been going on for months and it's one site after another. I love him more than I can say. The only way I can describe it is that I have loved him until it's hurt. I'm sorry this is so long.. Do I have a right to feel angry or upset?

Answer 1

Yes you do have every right to be upset.  That is disgusting!  Just regular p**n is one thing.  But animal p**n....no offense but that is a little creepy.  Anyway....I would set him down and talk to him about it.  Tell him you don't appreciate it and ask him if he would stop...for you.  See what happens.  

Answer 2

I agree with Erin. This is wrong on several levels, the first of which looking at that supports cruelty to animals which is never "funny". It shows a lack of respect for life forms, and animal cruelty is usually the first step. The fact that he says its funny, or gets off on it, is another giant red flag waving in your face. The lies and money spent are just icing on the cake.

Girl, this is a bad situation. Really bad.

Answer 3

Yes, you do indeed have a right to be upset. This is a disgusting habit and something needs to be done. Explain to your fiance how this hurts and upsets you. Give him three opportunities to stop it. Ask him to stop the first time, and if you find out he has done nothing to stop this, ask a second time and just emphasise how much this upsets and disgusts you.

He should understand, but still tell him that if he doesnt stop this then you will take further action. If he hasn't stopped by then...well i guess you're just gunna have to decide if you're willing to put up with this, or if you want to ask professional help from someone.

Answer 4

just reading the title I wanted to no but after reading all those i think you do have the right to feel that way...I mean it's not just regular p**n.

Answer 5

From my heart let me say a few things....if you love someone so much it hurts...is that really good?

He is into something very unnatural with the p**n...he lied to you about it...he used the bank account to pay for it without asking, he is being dishonest about the dating sites ( anyone truly in love would have no desire or need to "check" into those sites).  

I am thinking that maybe you need to give your relationship a heartfelt looking into!  Trust me, the pain will go away and there WILL be someone else just as wonderful...actually more wonderful because he won't be doing these things to you!  

Answer 6

Of course you have a right to be upset. The animal p**n itself isn't the reason, though; everyone has some weird quirks, and whether or not you can handle being with someone who likes animal p**n is up to you - I can't tell you to be upset about that or not. The real problem with this relationship isn't the p**n; it's the dishonesty. If you have a good relationship, you shouldn't have to come ask Yahoo Answers if it's okay to be upset about the p**n - you should be able to talk it out with your fiance. The fact that he was so unwilling to talk about it with you that he lied to you about it is a huge red flag. Couple this with the fact that he's also willing to lie about the fact that he's actively looking for someone with whom to cheat on you, and I would say get out of this relationship as fast as you can. Even the cheating (or attempts to cheat) could be something that could be worked through if you were both willing to work on it, but he's so unwilling to do this that he's lied to you about it even when you've set the proof right in front of him. This man just isn't worth the bother.

Answer 7

no because it's none of your business!! keep your nose to yourself!

Answer 8

You write:  Do I have a right to feel angry or upset?

Honey, be angry and end the relationship!!!

If he is on dating sites, then he is not committed to you.  It is time for you to move on.

Answer 9

Yes you do have the right.  He's being secretive about it.  If you don't like it now, you won't like it when you are married.  Wait for him to change for good to marry him or don't get married.  Things like this are unlikely to change.  I wish you the best of luck.

Answer 10

It all sounds really off. It's one thing to act strangly behind your back but itks another to lie to your face when you present the evidence. If he was man enough to admit it then you could work through the issue as a couple. Although maybe he may eventually come around. Yes - you have every right to be upset.

Answer 11

I would personally dump the guy.  First of all, he's stealing from you by charging his memberships to p**n sites to your account without your knowledge or consent.  Another thing, these animal p**n sites are abuse to animals which I will never tolerate.  For these two reasons alone, I wouldn't want anything to do with this guy.

Aside from that, there are other red flags in the relationship.  He lies to you.  He doesn't talk to you about his fantasy life.  This indicates that he's not a believer in open, honest communication.  The relationship is bound to fail, even if you forgive him and stay with him.

Answer 12

Yes you have the right to feel angry and upset, if your in a relationship with him he shouldn't have himself listed on a dating site. To the p**n ummmm it's a little weird but if he's not actually doing it with animals i guess its ok.... different people get off to different things.

Answer 13

Wow. Of course it's your place to be upset. I'd be dumping the dude NOW.

Answer 14

Sorry to say, but that is friggin sick. I'd be telling him that's not normal (he shouldn't need to be told) and then I'd dumb his a$$! No guy who wants to see that stuff will be getting anywhere near my unmentionables!!

As for the dating website. Big no no! If he wants to make new friends and catch up with friends, that's what facebook and the like are for, not dating websites. And if he's clearly admitted that he's just checking out availibility (unless you've discussed it for the two of you or something like that, as some people do) then that's just not on.

Answer 15

Ditch Him. He's a Freak. Animal p**n!!! He is an obsessive compolsive freak!!!

Answer 16

I'm sorry, but animal p**n is really disgusting, very, very. I would be shocked if the person I loved liked that. AT the same time the people who have s*x with the animals are messed up too. I guess the girl getting it on with a horse could understand him liking it, but can you? Really? If I were you I'd have a serious heart to heart and possibly consider a quick departure. If you love him that deeply it saddens me what lies ahead for you. I wish you the very best and good luck.

Answer 17

you do have the right to feel upset, i mean he's kinda lying by denying he's only just goes there becuase he finds it funny, i mean tell him to wacth jimmy carr or some stand up if he wants a laugh...

Its a bit much paying for the subscriptions, tell him to stop and see what he says.

Answer 18

IT's hard to find stuff like that out about people..I'd be upset. It is weird, and disgusting. No offense.

Answer 19

The p**n thing wouldn't bother me as much - different strokes (no pun intended) for different folks.  I imagine he is only hiding it because he's not sure himself why he likes it and may be a bit ashamed and/or embarrassed.

The dating sites are a completely different thing.  If he's "curious" about who in your area was on there, he doesn't need a profile to browse.  Even if he did, he doesn't need to include so much personal info.  It's possible the profile was in existence before you met and he's having trouble letting go of his single life - but it's still not acceptable.  I think you need to have a real long talk with him, not just to put an ultimatum on him (men and women alike hate that) but to tell him how you feel.  And not just that it bothers you but that it bothers you to the point that you don't think there is a future for you two together.  He'll either realize it's bothering you and do something about it or realize he doesn't want to be in the relationship anymore.  In either case, you're better off.  Who wants to spend an eternity with someone they can't trust?

Answer 20

Perhaps a better idea is to confront the real issue...why is this his preference? Tell him that you love him but you would like for him to see/talk to someone about it. Let him know that it bothers you and that you find it offensive, but that you dont find HIM offensive. Also, if you have any pets please get them out of the house, you would be surprised by how many people would abuse animals in that fashion. Good luck,

Tom

Answer 21

Break up and run as fast as you can from this guy. He needs serious help. I caught my ex looking at p**n ( not animal p**n!) and  realized he had a serious problem and a whole tangled web of lies and deceit.

Not only was he addicted to p**n, but he was involved in orgies and s*x with multiple partners including men. He used my apartment while I was at work. He lied to my face about it when I darn well knew the truth. It was hard to absorb it and believe it, but I left and have never regretted leaving. I never told his family and I am sure they hate me more than anything, but his lies will come back to haunt him one day.

This guy is sick and needs help. No matter how much you love him, he has issues. You do not deserve a life of that.  It will be hard, but you MUST get out before it is too late.  

Answer 22

Yes -- you also have a right to feel horrified, betrayed, disgraced, deceived, cheated and violated.

Answer 23

Haley, I think you need to get real with yourself. I am not saying this to hurt you. The p**n thing well to each.. but yuk. I personally couldn't get into a guy who is into it. But hey there is a market for it and there is a reason for that. So for anyone whoe says THIS guy is crazy.. could be yours too :-)

But the singles dating... let's be real.

You have a man that is clearly being dishonest with you about everything about him

He is checking out availability in the area.. just for s*its and giggles and gets off often to p**n (any p**n) without you involved

Who do you love to pieces? Someone you've created in your mind or the man he truly is?

Maybe you should step back and think with you head and not your heart. I know this can be painful.. it always is but it looks like you are going down a road that will be even more painful if you just keep accepting his "stories"

~Peace, Good luck to YOU !