My fiances Mom wants me to give her the ring back!?

Question

So my fiances mother hates me even though I have done nothing to her..I am always very respectful towards her and his family but when she found out he proposed she refuses to talk to him until I give HER the ring!! He is in Iraq for the army and she will not answer his calls anymore until I bring her the ring! He is very close to his mom but I find this ridiculous! He needs to be a man but I dont want to say anything to him because I dont want him to think Im giving him an ultimateum. I love him so much but I refuse to give HER the ring. If he asked for it back then yes I would give it to him. Am I tripping or is he to much of a Momma's boy? She says that I will not understand why he has to support family in the Philippines..but I do understand because I have fam there too, I even rode 15 hrs in a car with her and I thought she liked me after that but now she hates me!! He hasnt said for me to give it to her but He says he doesnt want to disapoint her and he still wants to get married.

Answer 1

There is more to this story; something that your fiance hasn't shared with you. Did he ask you to return the ring? If he does, you should return it and look at this situation as what your future with him will be like. Even if you marry him, he will always be the one in the middle. So your marriage will suffer or his relationship with his mother will suffer, but I can bet it will be you. I know many Filipinos so I know that the mother can be very domineering, and she usually wins. It sounds like he will eventually side with his mother. Personally, I wouldn't marry him right now.

Answer 2

that is the weirdest thing i ever heard.the only thing i can thing of is that is a family heirloom and she doesn't want you to have it.however it is up to her son to talk to her about it not you.i say dont even pick up the phone just stay out of it.this is between son and mother.dont even talk to her just leave it alone.

Answer 3

Wait, his mom wants the ring back? Is it a family heirloom or something? If so, then give it back but only if HE asks you. He gave it to you so it us up to him to ask for it back. He also needs to stand up to Momma and let her know that you are his fiance and a part of his life whether she likes it or not. If he doesn't stand up to her now, she will make your life a living h*ll in the future.

Answer 4

His mother is obviously trying to control her son by refusing to take his calls. He doesn't need that pressure when he's in Iraq. For all of her saying she cares about him, she sure isn't acting like it. Her behavior is unbelieveably uncaring towards her own son.

I would not give the ring back to her if it was a family heirloom or not. What I would do is ask him if he wants the ring back and if he does, then I would send it to him with adequate insurance to cover any loss in shipping. Then he can do what he wants with it. He gave this ring to you and until HE asks for it back, you should keep it.

If you end up marrying this man, get ready for similar behavior by his mother in the future. He will have to choose only because his awful mother has made it a choice for him. Pay careful attention to whose feelings he is most concerned about.

Good luck, sweetie. What a nightmare his mother has created!! : (

Answer 5

Honestly, I would tell him that you won't give his mother the ring but you won't marry him until he stands up to her. I f he doesn't stick up for you she will rule his life forever. Why does he have to support family in the Philippines? Does he have children there? If not, then it isn't exactly his responsibility to support them. Helping them is nice, but they should not be dependent on him.

Answer 6

he IS a man, for heavens sake he is in iraq putting his life on the line.    it is literally criminal that you are participating in making him worry. forget what his mom is doing, you are doing the exact same thing.  hte bottom line is that both!!! of you are doing something that endangers his safety and peace of mind while he is in danger.  

there is nothing else to do but what his mom wants, humbly, with an apology for the misunderstanding and offer her friendship and peace and goodwill with you .  say all of that to her.  she is obviously flipped out he got engaged and as long as she is his mother and he is upset by this you MUST go along with this.  if he was home i would not say this, but you must do whatever makes peace now and when he comes home you can sort it out in person.  

while he is away at war it is not about what you want or any opinions you ( or me or anyone) would normally have, this is not a normal situation and so you have to make sacrifices and be someone you would not normmally be so he does not worry and stays safe.  it is a bigger problem than what you want and you have the opportunity to be a hero and make peace even tho you dont want to.  i hope you do immediately.

you are not tripping and he is not a mommas boy. he is far away and this is the best he can do right now, so right this very second, go to her and apologize over and over for the misunderstanding  and tell her that he misses speaking to her and wants her not to be mad,  and then immediately tell him you have done this and you hope he relaxes and does not worry about this anymore and THAT EVERYTHING WILL BE ALRIGHT AND NOT TO WORRY AND THAT YOU ARE SURE HIS MOM WILL BE CONTACTING HIM SOON  and here is the ring.. and be as gracious as possible.  

this is the only thing to do.  you will understand when you are older.

Answer 7

He needs to talk with her. Is this ring a family heirloom that was given to him to give to his future bride?

Regardless of the situation, he needs to stand up to her now or you will have years of this kind of stuff.

Answer 8

If the groom did not step up to the plate and tell his Mother from.... where to go, either he is a Momma's boy, or taking his obligation to the family way too seriously. Gee, soldier's don't make a lot of money, just how much does she think he can send back to the Philippines? Does she know about the economy here right now, where a bag of potato chips cost $3.50?

Dear, I am sure you love the guy, but you will be dealing with this mother until the end of her days. Think about is he worth it.

And PS, check the laws, but it is my understanding that once a ring is given, it is a gift, and the property of the recipient. Legally. Don't give the ring back. Having his Momma ask for the ring back does not change that, the coward. And if you give the ring back to her, he can claim you broke off the engagement, and he is entittled to it.

Answer 9

I'm very confused by this. Why does she want your engagement ring? Your fiance gave you this ring - his mother has no legal or moral to it. She cannot demand that you give it to her - it was a gift to you, and legally belongs to you.

Your fiance needs to stand up to his mother about this NOW. You are about to become his wife, and the two of you are a team. He needs to stay on your side, not his mom's. Her demand is completely unreasonable and it is his responsibility as her son and your future husband to tell her so.

Answer 10

sounds more like monster n law movie she might think he is to good for you etc . when deep down inside you truly love him. and if i think he truley love you 2 but thats his mom. and shes stupid god forbid anything happends to her son... this is what she did to her self she basicallly dis owned her son because he fell in love. i dont think he is to much of A mamas boy i think the mama just doesnt wanna let go. i think you two should let her be. she will pay the price later. when you two have grand children shell come around or to bad for her. he loves you you love him. dont pay her any mind if you respect her keep it like that but if she openly disrespects you and in front of him. he should be a man and stand up for you. this situation is insane!!!! good luck = )  hope i helped

Answer 11

Give her the ring.  And then tell her that you would appreciate her keeping her promise to never speak with you again unless she learns to not interfere in your relationship with your husband.  Then walk away, and tell her before she even considers speaking with you, an apology is in order.

Answer 12

I think "top contributor" made some very good points.

But I think that, yes, if the ring is a family heirloom give it back.  When he gets home he should buy you your own so that you don't come across this ever again.

God forbid if something were to happen to him overseas, that ring would be very sentimental, and probably more so to you, so I understand why you don't want to give it back.

It's a tricky situation.  I don't know if he sounds like a momma's boy, or someone trying to do damage control from overseas.  Obviously you are both strong minded and thats probably why you are constantly butting heads.  

Maybe you're trying too hard to impress her, and she doesn't respect that.

Either way, if he says to give it to her, than do so.  If it's a family heirloom, maybe it should go back to her.  If it is yours and only yours, keep it until he says otherwise (and then re-evaluate the situation based on his reasoning).

Good luck

Answer 13

Is the ring a family heirloom?  If so, then give it back.  Then tell fiance you expect him to buy you your own ring . . . one you can keep.

If the ring is not a family heirloom, then I see no reason to give it back.  In which case . . . Tell fiance to get his act together and stand up to mama.  If he is not man enough to stand up to mama, then he is not man enough to marry.

If not an heirloom and he refuses to stand up to mama?  Then give the ring back and end the relationship.  He is not worth the effort.  Misery is being married to a mama's boy, and you don't need that.

Answer 14

If he still wants to marry you adn you are still engaged the ring is yours and she has no claim to it. Period.  The problems between him and his mother are not your and he needs to work it out with her.  If she is not speaking to him then that is something he needs to address with her and has nothing to do with you and the ring.  If you break off the engagement then tell him you will put the ring in a safe place to return to him when he gets home.

Answer 15

There is no excuse for a man choosing sides AGAINST his fiancee' or significant other. You are in fact "tripping over a momma's boy, so I would suggest mailing the ring to him with a note explaining that you are worth more than he could ever give, and move on. That way "momma" doesn't get her ring back for a several weeks while it's ping ponging around the world. You deserve better than this. Just feel fortunate that he gave you a preview of how your life would be, if you married him.