My first Alliterisen poem. give opinion thanks?

Question

My first Alliterisen poem done in the following:

Sequence #4:

1st line- 11 syllables

2nd line- 13 syllables

3rd line- 10 syllables

4th line- 12 syllables

5th line- 9 syllables

6th line- 11 syllables

7th line- 11 syllables (same as first)

Treacherous, taxes, expenditure exposed, (11)

Ironically, Inflation increases, weekly (13)

Stationed super stolen, government prize (10)

Baby bonuses buys; drugs, d****s, dagy clothes, (12)

Poverty pitches paper tent house, (9)

Poor people provided with government grants (11)

Treacherous, taxes, expenditure exposed, (11)

Is it done properly?

Answer 1

Alliteration is use to help in internal rhyme and that is still overruled by beat.  And the poem still needs to be coherent in message.  This reads as though a series of lines were put together with no transitional words or phrases.  To me this needs more work.  The message is strong though.

Answer 2

I guess there are many types. I have not written one like this. My thoughts are that you have too many words not beginning with the same letter. Ex. Treacherous, taxes, terrible trouble.