My first Teigee poem. please view : )?

Question

please provide honest opinions. thx : )

TRIGEE: The Trigee is a three-in-one poem. They are built by combining two short poems into a third large one by stringing the lines together. The left stanza is read first, the right stanza second, then the combined lines make the third poem.

Again, there are no rhyme and meter requirements.

Ghost walk……………. ………….the crowded streets,

Through, rustling leaves. ………...echoed, yesterdays cries,

Foretelling life’s secrets................of love and despair,

Through swift subtle breeze……..mirroring their reflection.

2 seconds ago - 3 days left to answer.

Answer 1

Mirroring their reflection caught me at first but then if you think of leaves twirling and patterns, it works.  Well done for all 3 parts.

Answer 2

nice one!

Answer 3

i enjoyed reading your poem

very nice, and good job for a first time

Answer 4

You have done an excellent Trigee. Just a few suggestions: Ghost = Ghosts, delete the commas, they break the rhythm. Also, I believe it would read better if you changed  "echoed" to "echo" and "mirroring" to "mirror." This is wonderful, especially for a first attempt.

Answer 5

very nice for a first try, I find this form a good exercise for me

to cut down on amount of words I use.

Answer 6

Very Nice !  I loved the left and right stanzas read seperately, but reading it all together didn't flow as smoothly.  Good job though I like how you think :o)