My first attempt at "young readers" What do you think?

Question

This is Newton and his balloon

Newton and his balloon are friends.

Newton;s balloon makes Newton laugh

They love to play together

This is Newton;s friend Bill

Newton;s friend Bill does not like the balloon

Bill wants Newton to go to the park

Newton wants to go to the park but, only if he can bring his balloon

Bill said "Ok, but, if you lose your balloon you are going to be sad"

Bill, Newton and Newton;s balloon head out for the park

On the way they meet a dog who is very excited

The dog seems to want Newton;s balloon

Newton tugs his balloon by the string to keep it out of reach

The string slips out of Newton;s hand

and rises high in a tree

Bill said "See, I told you now, you are going to be sad"

But, before Bill was done talking

Newton began climbing up the tree

Up, up, up, the tree Newton climbed

Now, he could reach his balloon

Bill looked up when Newton called to him "Look out below!"

Answer 1

Nice concept, a bit long, but if it can be shortened it is definitely a great theme.

Answer 2

Needs reduction and lacks a climxax. About fourteen lines should be right. Made me want to pop that balloon. Hey, I'm no expert on writing for children so take this for what it's worth.

Answer 3

This is a great story for beginners.  You have true talent.  God Bless you, your family, and your talent.  May you share it with many people the world over.

Answer 4

sorry - that was way too long to read. I got bored and quit.

Answer 5

I cant believe I'm typing this but for the first time I have to say your poem did not keep my attention. It was boring. In general theres nothing wrong with it, its fine its just so ... plain and ordinary that's not at all like your work. Your work its ...extraordinary!I know you can find a way to make this poem come to life! Keep Writting!