My first haiku - What do you think about it?

Question

I have suffered through 2 major psychotic episodes. And here is my first attempt at poetry:

a mind

residing in psychosis -

stranded at sea

.

Answer 1

It's not a true English Haiku

Haiku has a syllable pattern of 5-7-5

Your poem has 2-7-4

the feelings are good so if you fix lines 1 and 3 it would be good.

How about for line one

a mind in much pain

and for line three

sinking in the sea

Edit: I like revision 1

Answer 2

Bob a good effort on this (great to see you making it through to the other side too) Poetry is good for the mind and soul.  Please keep writing.

To my thinking it is actually more what is called a Con-verb. A good one of those from my point of view. Broadly, a contra-proverb carrying an opposing message. The idea of living somewhere, yet adrift at sea, are conflicting ideas, for me anyway.

Haiku's are 17 syllables total, yours is 12 syllables. Just needs a little padding out and it will be just right. Falls under the category of "the nature of man".

Edit:Bob, that's it!  Paradox was the word I was looking for. Thanks.

"Stranded at sea" I am pretty sure is the normal phrase. If you added "persecuted" to the very first one it would be 17 syllables and fit the classic form.

Answer 3

We have the freedom to use as many (or as few) syllables as we wish in American Ku. "Stranded at sea" is a creative expression when used in this context. Please keep posting; you have something to say.