Question:

My first rap please tell me if i need to improve?

by | earlier

Song: They Trickin you

Its like 1 2 3 four

President bush is just making you sore

The government will be bangin on all our doors

Osama will soon be coming and telling us to get on the floor

Here i go with my debut Album

Analyze my lyrics don't be dumb

Come over here and I'll give you some

You'll be teached when I'm done

Im Spreading my belives through rap

President bush is getting you in his trap

For the last 8 years we've been treated like c**p

Now people say that rap is c**p,

I think that they ignorant

I just a Campaign Establishment

Run by the mother****ing government

I hope my MESSAGE IS BEIN SENT

Im influenced by a hero named del

I'll be ringin in yo ear like a bell

One day i will sell

I know that you just a student

But you should start saying **** the presidenent

I'll have to PAY MY PUNISHMENT

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thats gooodd :)

let me know when you record it! =D
Report (0) (0) | earlier
yea pretty much immortal technique without the complex lyrics and amazing story telling abilities, or flobots without the redic rythms and beats,

youve got a little bit of a message, nothing provocative we all know that bush sucks, but i guess its a start
Report (0) (0) | earlier
hey man don't let thous hatin *** muthafuckers get to ya thats way better than my frist rap you should check out some dead prez they have the same views as you hey man check me out and let me know what you think http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;... and if you have any questions or want any advise hit me up
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Who's Osama? You might wanna proof read your work.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
no comment buddie

buttt out approval isnt really needed...so keep at doin wat u doin
Report (0) (0) | earlier
You should check out Immortal Technique... youre the REALLY REALLY REALLY less talented version of him.

Check out My Rap.

http://ca.answers.yahoo.com/question/ind...
Report (0) (0) | earlier
That is recycled garbage just like rap is!
Report (0) (0) | earlier
bad.
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Im sorry I read a few lines and had to stop. Your fired...
Report (0) (0) | earlier
well sweetie.................................

Edit: omg @ Swert not knowing who Osama is
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Study metaphors and simile usage.

Know the difference between rhyming with prefixes and suffixes.

A good rhyme doesn't mean you use words that rhyme all the time, a good rhyme uses words that you never thought about rhyming together.

Solid idea and good content but the rap itself not to be harsh is elementary.

Study the greats.

GZA

RAKIM

BIG DADDY KANE

KOOL MOE DEE

MR. LIF

EDAN

NOTORIOUS BIG

ANDRE (from Outkast from their first three albums he kills it)

BLACK THOUGHT (from The Roots)

No disrespect to Del but the other members of Souls where far more talented than he is.

Check the first verse on "That's When Ya Lost" by Tajai (pretty sure he spits the first verse, read the comments below on the link about his tools references, ridiculous lyricism. Most heads will hate because they don't understand it.)

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RCdkdFJY0...
Report (0) (0) | earlier
I liked it actually

=D

It's goood you're actually rapping about something

Ohhhhh

You should use test using metaphors next time you do a rap

I think it'll be good

=D
Report (0) (0) | earlier
Get back to the lab.

Report (0) (0) | earlier