My five year old wont go to school?

Question

the first day she was great because we were there with her then things were getting rocky she would cry everymorning but she would go once she was there she was ok and seaming to get better by the second week within the last couple of days it got really bad and she would not go without a fight it came out of nowhere we have tried everything possible to reassure her and nothings working we even tried to have the school come to our house to try to talk her into going and she ran through everything and everyone to get away the only way to get her to go it to use force which i dont approve of at all as going appears to be extremely tramatic what do i do to convince her that schools ok school says they have never run into a problem quite like this before so i wonder if they even know how to handle her please any advice

Answer 1

There is a reason for her not wanting to go to school for whatever the reason may be.

The way you describe her running through everything and everyone just to get away leaves me thinking there is something wrong and that she's scared.  

You say she appears to be extremely traumatic.  Maybe something at school traumatized her and that's the reason she doesn't want to go to school.  I realize some children have a harder time with going off to school for the first time.  I even remember myself crying when my mom left me at kindergarden my very first day.  Second day and there after I was just fine.

What you are describing isn't the same.  I don't want to put the fear of wrath into you, but try to get some answers from your daughter if she's willing to talk to you.  I don't think you are going to convince your daughter that it's OK to go to school.

What seems small to us, it big deal for kids.

Daughter went through same thing with my grand daughter.  The only difference it was Day Care.  She cryed and cryed that she didn't want to go.  Found out she was being abused.

As the same as my daughter, it's something you never forget and wish never happened.

This is not to say that anything has happened to your daughter, but it just makes me feel she is scared and I believe her.  

If there is a simple explanation for your daughters behavior, I sincerely apologize.  Don't even like to suggest  anything but positive things to anyone.   Watch for any signs that are different from her normal behavior.  Talk with her ever so gently at the right time.  It may all come down to one of the other kids made a face at her.  You're her mom, you will know what to do.  

You and your daughter have tugged on my heart.  You have my love and hugs that everything turns out just fine.

Answer 2

Is it mandatory that she goes to school right now. In some states they don't even require them to go to school until the ages of 6 or 7 years old. She probably needs some more time to mature. I wouldn't push it or force her into going because this will only cause further problems. I say give it a rest and once she turns 6 then try again.

Answer 3

Typically, kids this age are the most excited ones to go to school. However, some kids are still clingy during the first weeks of classes and that's pretty normal for first time schoolers.Reassuring them that you will be there after class is usually enough to keep them feel comfortable in school.  

Have you ever tried talking to her teachers at school? They may give you some insights on what happens in class, about the other kids in that same class or any event or incident which may have caused your child to fear or hesitate going back. The school or her teachers will likely plan a good strategy to win her enthusiasm or her trust in school again.

Try to talk with your child too. Sometimes, when they feel it is okay to trust you, they will open up right away and tell you what's bothering them. Assure her that her feelings about school is just normal and that talking about it would help her feel better. Show her your pictures when you first started going to school. tell her about the butterflies in your stomach and the fun that you had meting friends along the way. This way, she won't feel alone and she will have that very positive attitude towards school.

You may also read to her books about going to school to make her understand the many fun things she'll be doing there. Soon, she will anticipate activities like building blocks, playing with dolls, or even painting.

Answer 4

maybe you can use your computer as a tool print worksheets and other school related items and try showing here that is what school is doing. ect.

Answer 5

Ask the parents of some of the other pre-school students if they would want to go on a playdate with your child so that she could make new friends and want to stay in school. Making new friends would give her a reason to stay, pretty soon she might not want to miss school.

Answer 6

This may be a stupid question, but have you tried asking your daughter what would help her go to school? Maybe you could play dolls with her and have her doll be the "mommy" and you could play the "daughter" with your doll, and have the daughter doll refuse to get on a toy school bus. Maybe her reaction will give you some clues.

Maybe you need to take a break from trying for a day or two and then gradually build up to it---like drive by the school the first day, walk in and say "hi" the second day, etc. If you allowed yourself a break--like a week or so to try this--maybe your anxiety would go down too. Sometimes the more we talk and try and reassure the more "suspicious" kids get. Try a low-key, matter-of-fact, "hey, we're just going to walk by" tone.

Last suggestion: if it's an option, maybe you can try a completely different school or delay going to school one more year.

It sounds like this is more than a wilfull child trying to run the show--so I wouldn't try being more forceful until you know what's going on. Good luck to you.

Answer 7

Have you asked her is someone did something to her? Talk to the teacher. She has to go to school. Maybe you should take her to school and spend the day with her. Let her see that it's fun.

Answer 8

You need to talk with her pediatrician and also with the school.

They have all seen this behaviour before and know what works and what doesn't - and you should listen to them.

It may be a control issue for her or it may be a real psychological problem.

Either way - find out what it is ASAP or you will be home schooling her and facing this unaddressed issue in more and more ways.

Best wishes.

Answer 9

Try to ask her about why she doesn't want to go. If you can get some information from her that will help you a lot in coming up with a solution. Make sure she is getting enough attention from you when she's home and talk to her every day about her day at school. Get to know about the other kids and what the class does during the day so that you can ask her questions and get her excited about all the new things.