My five year old wont let me brush her hair!

Question

About a year ago the trouble started. My daughter is five and TERRIFIED of anyone touching her hair. Is was sooo beautiful so long and shiny. but it is very thin so we need to keep it neat or it will tangle. I would try to brush her hair and she would literally fight all of her strength for me to stop! so I would throw it in a messy bun and go on. but now she wont even let me put a bun in it! I have tried everything. I talked to her, I gave her consequences, I even bribed her (I know bad, I know!) I know I am the boss and understand that but I dont want to force her against her will! I have gotten my husband to try but she wont let him either! recently It got so bad she wouldn't let us bathe her. I told her I am the boss but she would just cry the whole bath! and when I tried to wet her hair she would kick and fuss. I put her in time out but she doesn't care. Than it got sooo bad I recently got her hair cut chin length. It looks better but she still doesn't let me bathe her or brush her hair. I don't know what to do. I discipline her and she isn't spoiled. she is just an afraid little girl.

Answer 1

How about letting her take a bath on her own? And brush her own hair? Of course, she's not going to do a nice of a job as you or her father could do, but it might help her feel a little more "grown up". I don't think when I was five my mother helped bathe me, I did that on my own. And sure, I probably didn't get as clean but I was clean enough. If she doesn't start learning how to take care of herself now, how is she going to know how to this stuff when she's 8, 9, 10, 11 years old?

Answer 2

Will she brush it? When she is in the bath with conditioner in her hair try to brush but tell her with conditioner it will not hurt. Is the tangles why? My mom used to buy suave setangler at target for 2$ that worked pretty well that smell pretty too. Does she have any bath toys  so she could PLAY and not notice someone brushing her hair.

Thats all in can think of. Maybe when your shopping let her pick out a CHEAP brush of her own hair.

SORRY

Answer 3

I had this trouble with my 7 year old her hair is beautifula nd long but she hated having it brushed our solution was i took her to the store and aloowed he rto pick a great conditoiner a spray detangler and her own hair brush. She still kicks up astink but as her hair is usaully soft fron the conditioning and leav in detangler she is more willing to brush it.

Answer 4

Perhaps you should seek some counseling.  Your daughter's behavior and the age at which it developed is actually a common sign of sexual abuse.  My mother went through the exact same thing when she was your daughter's age and it's the reason why her parents finally discovered that her teenage brother was molesting her.

Answer 5

she may not want to get her hair combed or take a bath but its not up to her. if she want to act up-cry, straighten her out and let her know its going to get done. if you continue to allow her to get her way then you're going to have problems.

Answer 6

well when I was about your daughters age I would cry and yell oww every day my parents messed with my hair it was extremely sensitive and long and thick it was like this for awhile but I cut my hair shoulder length but before it was to my lower back!

Answer 7

Let her throw a tantrum. I mean it sucks, because you'll want to give in, but put your foot down and she'll have to realize that she can't get away with stuff by crying. My niece was the same way, and finally when she was like 9 my sister put her foot down with her and it was so much harder I think because she had let her just get her way with the hair issue for so long, but then after a few weeks of doing whatever it was that my niece didn't want her to do anyways, she started to learn that she wasn't going to win on it. Threw a 20 minute tantrum on the floor before she realized that they weren't going to give in and then she started getting better and better about listening to the adults as they didn't respond to her crying as much.  

Answer 8

That's a tough one. Let her brush her hair but explain to her that you are dissapointed in her for not trusting you with her hair.  

Answer 9

shes 5, you need to reign in these tantrums before shes running the entire home.

anyway, with the hair issue, tell her, it gets washed/brushed, or it gets cut short, simple as that, if it isnt cared for it needs to be a short style that takes very little upkeep, then she can brush it herself. and stick to it, dont just threaten and go on, nothing gets solved that way.

Answer 10

get it cut into a pixie style and tell her if she continues acting like this she will have to have it shaved. She is 5 which is old enough to understand that she has to have her hair done. In a pixie cut she should be able to take care of it herself. Give her that option. Use a leave in conditioner to help with knots. When you wash the hair then use a conditioner to comb out the knots. It hurts less.

Answer 11

i always hated having long hair as a child.  my parents finally let me cut it short when i was 7 and the battles over the hairdryer etc vanished.

however, the only time i have seen real fear in a child over having their hair touched was when the child in question had been beaten up by a childminder and dragged up the stairs by his hair.  he was about three at the time, and he wouldn't let anyone even stroke his head, never mind brush or cut his hair, for almost a year after that.

the combination of fear of anyone touching her head (abusers often hide bruises under the hair) and not wanting to be bathed suggests that someone may have done things they shouldn't to your child.

i suggest you seek professional advice about this problem, as you will need help to handle it sensitively if she has been abused, and you will need help managing her behaviour anyway if she hasn't.  until you've taken professional advice it's probably best not to raise the issue of abuse with your daughter.

Answer 12

She is not being afraid please trust me on the is am not at all trying to be rude! You are the boss that is right and she does not care one bit! She needs to see that you are in fact the boss. When she wants to go outside tell her that once she comes in that she has to take a bath to get all the dirty's off and if you don't take a bath then you won't be going out again tomorrow! Brushing the hair! Now when she got her hair cut did she throw a fit? Doesn't seem that way since it is cut! Don't you see a pattern with this? She is doing this for attention. She knows that you are just going to throw your hand in that air and say forget it! You HAVE to show her that you are the boss here and you mean business. Try letting her brush her hair or wash herself that helps giving some independence kids love that. Good luck and with time she will get over this little stage.  

Answer 13

My daughter, is 3, and her hair is to the middle of her back, so I feel your pain! I have some trouble rinsing her hair too, but we have several different ways to rinse and she gets to pick the method every time.

1. She puts her feet high on the side of the bath tub (she picks the side) and she puts her head on my leg.

2. rinse in the running water (with a wash cloth over her eyes)

3. dip her hair in the water- head tilted sideways (this one always makes me laugh)

4. rinse with a cup, she gets to chose the cup thats in the bath tub already.

I have put certain toys (her transformer, water baby, ect) just so I have something for her to play with. She likes to "clean" so I tell her transformer wants you to wash him with the baby shampoo. Yes the things we do...I bribe too, sometimes it's the only way!

My daughter also likes to sit in front of the mirror and do her hair, meaning she combs it...lol..and puts handfuls of water on it. Maybe give your daughter her own princess brush.

LOTS of Luck!

Answer 14

I know some parent's don't believe in the spanking thing but I do and it works wonders. I tell my daughter to sit still or I am going to get the belt and she stops. She tried to throw a fit in the tub, I spanked her leg one time (while wet ouch!) I know she felt that one, but anyway you need to do something now or she will think that this is the way to act while she gets older sometimes too much talking is a waste of time do what is easier for you and less stressful. You don't have to beat her to death just let her know what is the worse thing that could happen. (alittle pain). Good Luck!!! I know ur baby girl is not spoiled kids just like to see how far they can get with us. Kids are so smart.

Oh! when her grows long after washing and conditioning her hair get her dried up but with her hair put alittle conditioner in ur hands onto her hair then brush and it won't b so tangly. Also use a spray bottle with water and some conditioner in it so when her hair is dry u can just spray her hair and no tangles and no more fussing.

Answer 15

I know this sounds all "huggy-feely" but if you're in a position (insurance etc.) I would suggest taking her to a play therapist. I took my daughter to one around that age. It really helped me understand where my daughter was coming from and how certain behaviors from me would cause reactions from her. It also helped me deal with tantrums more effectively.

Answer 16

My mom used to love brushing my hair when it was long,and if i tryed to get away she would spank me with the brush! =p lol...Just get her some tangle spray and let her brush it.

Answer 17

sounds like she wants independance, as many children that age do, "I can do it" and stuff like that, i say tell her that it's her descision and make her feel like she has independance

Answer 18

I was EXACTLY like that when I was a kid. My hair became completely matted.

However, my dad got smart. He brought me to the beauty salon and all the women there fussed over me, telling me how adorable I was. I got candy, etc. then I got taken out for ice cream.

It worked for me.