My formerly stoner, wow-playing, f***buddy housemate wants a proper relationship - advice? Should I move out?

Question

I've had a f***-buddy for about a year and a half, and we ended up moving into the same large house nearly a year ago.

It was casual, and neither of us seemed to want anything serious. I was surprised by how long it's gone on, but, well. It seemed to work out.

He is/was a chronic stoner, plays WOW all the time, doesn't leave the house much (good enough reasons for me to figure it wouldn't work out). I'd invite him to hang out and watch movies or TV etc, and he never seemed that interested.

Anyway, a couple of weeks ago he announces that he'd like to stop smoking as much, stop playing WOW as much, that he's enrolling at Uni part time next term (around his good but part-time job) for a science-related degree, and that he really likes me, and he'd like to have a 'proper' relationship.

Like... what? Like, he wants to come out with me, meet my friends, and go camping this summer etc.

He seems to be putting his money where his mouth is, and additionally, he's been cooking dinner for me every night too (the cooking started just before the announcement - heh, way to a girls heart, I guess?).

Ok, I keep freaking out every so often, and wondering what alien replaced my FB while I wasn't looking, but I'm willing to give it a chance.

So... any advice from transitioning to a 'normal' relationship when you're worried you've kind of moved past that?

I was really moony about him a few months after we were sleeping together, but I've gotten over that as I didn't think there was anything there. I'd've been really into a relationship then. Now it kind of feels like a dream I've already let go of.

I'm trying to remember that he's a 'boyfriend' and that I should talk to him, hug etc, and tell him what I'm up to (I keep forgetting - oh, I'm going to a movie, whoops! Do you want to come too?).

I'm also wondering, usually moving in together is usually a big commitment, but we already live together. Should I move out? I think possibly being housemates stunted the relationship a bit, because we tried to give each other 'space' when we moved into the same house, but I'm unlikely to find a room bigger, cheaper and closer to work etc than I already am.

Ummm, if I'm seeming a bit ho-hum about this, well, it kind of does feel like that except there's definitely attraction - it's the best s*x I've ever had (chemistry seemed a good indicator to give it a go - he just, smells right, y'know?), and, wow. The food and everything. He's totally trying really hard.

Answer 1

Well, from my own perspective I think that it can be a tremendous advantage to knowing someone well before getting into a relationship or even dating. Weather that is a friendship or yes perhaps even F buddies.

Have you considered the upside of already living together. If you do decide to proceed with a proper relationship, there will not be any nasty little annoying surprises as you already know each other well and have already experienced living together.

If he is putting forth the effort you are referring to then it sounds like he is serious about this and about you...Remember the Jack Nicholson line from As Good As It Gets 'You make me want to be a better man'.

From my own experience I can tell you that it is not hard to develop very strong feelings for someone when you spend a significant amount of time together over an extended period of time.

Take it for what its worth but I would say give it a shot!

Answer 2

Wow....You are hilarious ****. Ok I think you need to give this guy a shot. You already live together right so you already know how that is. The guy can cook. The guy get get down in the bedroom. He's no longer a major stoner.You seriously have to give it a shot. Think of it this way there is a part that will be different and new and that's the fact that he'll be going out with you and your friends now. He's like a new and improved coo-coo buddy.He sounds great, I have a good feeling you two have many more good times together whether in bed or at the show.Best of luck and happy humpin

Answer 3

its not gonna work

Answer 4

Its very selfish?

Answer 5

He is trying his best.

Give him a chance.

Now or never.

Gd Lck.

Answer 6

Seems to me the guy just realized he wants to get his **** together and he has some major feelings for you. Sounds to me like hes a keeper i think you should definitely give it a try. Why move out its like you have something great going for you. Who knows he could turn out to be "the one". Good luck!

Answer 7

give him a chance, he is trying hard.  

Answer 8

i say just give him a chance,  

Answer 9

Sounds to me like he's really given thought about actually "growing up". I don't see a problem at all, except for the part where you said you were FB's and you had been in a relationship. Was that at the same time? I just hope that that won't pose a problem of him accusing you of any drifting, or that maybe you're the type that can't be fully committed? If that's not the case, then I say go for it. I wouldn't worry about moving out either, you both already know each others habits, etc. and like you said you probably won't find such a deal elsewhere. If you each have your own rooms now, keep it that way so you each still have your own space. Who knows, this could wind up being "the one". Especially if you say its the best you've ever had, chemistry's right, I didn't hear one negative thing from you. Sounds like it will work!

Good Luck!

Answer 10

guess you're good for him, didn't seem like he has a life before and now he wants to have one w. you after being w. you. give it a go, just don't try too hard, being yourself is enough, therefore, no unnecessary awkwardness should form if you stay the way you are and not trying to be something else. cheers!