My four year old daughter questions of death?

Question

She has attended two separate funeral a cousin & a aunt which I was reluctant to bring her but my mother insisted that it is time for her to learn..So this week has been question central! well she was given a dora back pack as a gift which she imagines that it talks to every one so that I'm use to but, this was like a scene from six sense of something erie & scary. ..she say & I quote..................................

Mommy back pack has a question? I'm like ok sure back pack what is it..She says what will you do if I die in a accident with back pack? I was speechless..WOW..I was like you have to be careful honey & back pack too...When more death questions arise what should I do? I want to know what to say..NO RUDE COMMENTS PLS. THEY WILL BE REPORTED! ALL OTHER ANSWERS THANKS IN ADVANCE..

Answer 1

I would just tell her that you would be very sad and miss her and lets try not to let that happen by being carefull. I would stay away from the whole heaven and h**l thing its just to much for them to grasp. mY daughter willl be four next week and couple months ago it came up and for a couple days she talked about death and we answered very simply the few questions she had and let it go it hasn't come up again.

We live in northern california and she informed me that greatgrandma was in "heaven and thats was down by LA (los angeles). Point is its such an abstract concept that you really don't need to make a big deal out of it

Answer 2

WOW, Ok..you did the right thing. yes, the flood gate is open. If you believe in GOD you can tie in how they go to heaven and we will see them again. Be as honest as you can be as much as what you feel she can handle. Please don't say they are sleeping. death is not sleep.

PBS.org has wonderful info on that and maybe visiting your local library or googling on how to handle death with young children.

If if you don't believe in heaven you can still go to these sites and look for different ways to explain death.

** my friend's little girl used to say I have a question for YOU or else her imaginary friend who lived in the water fountain in our building has a question

Answer 3

I would tell her that you cherish backpack since she does, and would see that it goes to a nice little girl that needs it and will take good care of it.  Tell her that it makes you very sad to think about her having an accident and dying because you love her so much and would really miss her.  I would not dwell on it and leave it at that.  With a young precocious child it can be treacherous not to make a miss step when talking about dicey subjects.  Therefore I would refrain from saying oh you aren't going to die or get hurt.  She would most likely ask you how do you know?  Kids appreciate honesty, and don't like to feel like they are being shmoozed.

If she were preoccupied or anxious about death you'd know it.  I wouldn't open the conversation, wait till she brings it up, and keep it simple and short, but truthful.  

Last week I had a dicey topic at a restaurant come up when my first grader son says hey remember when you swallowed Reed in 2005 and he grew big in your tummy?  My mom chimes in and says that Reed was a gift from god.  Which is ok except we went through infertility and my oldest remembers going to the baby doctor to get a baby.  I told him that Reed grew from an egg inside me.  He did follow up with like a bird's egg?  I said no not like a hard shell, like nemo in a soft shell in finding nemo.  That satisfied him through lunch.  He was confused by my mom's answer though.  Not only does he remember us going to the baby doctor, he also knows of some of our friends that wish to have a baby and can't.  He did ask on the way home why god wouldn't want J-- to have a baby, doesn't he like her?  I didn't have a good answer for that one.  So be careful, kids can trip you up sometimes.

Answer 4

be honest and answer then truthfully.last year my daughter was 4 and we lost both of my grand parents... her great grandparents...within a week of each other. one we knew was dying, the other was a surprise. anyways, i took her to both the calling hours and the funerals and she did very well. yes there were lots of questions, but after a day or two of answering, she seemed ok with it. upon occasion she will bring up her grand parents, specially her grandma, they were close. and tears come to my eyes when she asks if they are watching her. but honesty beats tryin to re-answer things later

Answer 5

Just sit down and explain to her that death is apart of life. In case something was to ever happen, she needs to understand, and although it sounds morbid, the best thing to do, in my opinion anyway, is just to be honest.. but don't go into too much detail, because you don't want to scare her.

In other words, she asks a question about it:

"You see sweetheart, when people die they either go up to heaven or the go to a bad place. If a person is good when they are living, they go to heaven. If they are bad, they go to the bad place. But you don't have to worry about that right now because you're not going to leaving any of us any time soon."

Answer 6

First off, try not to give excess info.  Lots of times we parents try to explain and the kid gets lost in all the words.  Start with a simple question like "Have you been thinking about what happens when someone dies?"  Let her be the lead so you can just answer her worries and not give her more to worry on!  If she starts getting silly or seems disinterested, bring the conversation to a close and tell her she can ask you another time if she has other things she wants to talk about.  She might need reassurance that USUALLY people don't die.  One idea for an answer if she is wondering what happens if SHE dies?: 'IF she were to die, it would be a very sad time and Mommy would rather not worry about that unless it really happened.'  Maybe she just wonders if you would be so thoughtful as to bury her back pack with her if she were to die .... ?  Kids think up some wild but very simple stuff at times  :)  Some four year olds have a vague line between real and pretend.  They can have very active imaginations.  Keep this in mind!

Answer 7

Just be honest with your daughter.  Kids are a lot wiser than we think.  Death is a part of Life.