My friend's brother hits her, but her mom doesnt want to call the cops.?

Question

shes 15 , he's 13. hes very into graffiti and recently got caught so he is on probation. the other day he told her that its his life and since he cant go out there to 'express' himself he's mad. But I KNow that that is no reason for him to hit her. i have told him that if he hits her in front of me i will call the police and i do not care about his record. his mom says she doesn't want to call the cops because she doesn't want his record tainted by a violent offense.

He has socked her, taken many swings at her, pulled a knife and said he was "just playing around" (i told her she should have called 911 then)., this weekend when i was out of town she was at a party that he happened to attend to and there he called her a "****" kept yelling to her about what she was wearing (she was wearing black shorts and a fancy shirt, not very provocative), and he called their parents and her mom called her and started yelling at HER and made come home (at 9 pm) and when she got home her mom kept yelling at her and even took a swing at her. ( again when i found out i told her that she should have called 911 or left then too)

then that weekend too he threw her off the computer chair because he wanted to use it and she flew against the wall.

he always threatens her and yells at her calling her bad names. when she had a boyfriend he even threatened to kill both of them.

what can i do to help make her mom understand that that she needs to get him help.

and make her take action in not only telling her mother (which she repeatedly has, she has told her mom that she hates being home, tells her what her brother does to her, she even told her that one day when i don't come home don't be surprised)

but i don't think her mom understands her mom tells her "were gonna fix it , ill get him help," but nothing has happened this has been going on for at least 9-10 months.

i don't think she strong enough to call the cops and i really want to help her. i actually really want him to hit her in front of me and i know i would be Strong enough to protect her and want him to hit me because i would press charges i really don't want it to come to this but how can i help them and make them understand.

Answer 1

there really would be no way to communicate with these people once a habit is learned it cant be undone, your only options here is to force your friend to call the cops, if not you as a friend should call. Many situations like this lead to death, do whats right for your friend you can help set many people on the correct path in life

Answer 2

wow that suckx i think you 2 need to go to the police together and tell them and maybe somimes she can spend the night at your house or somethin

Answer 3

Come on my brother hits me all the time even my Mom does.

Now if she is hurt really badly then call 911.

Answer 4

Thats great to be worried.  This is a very serious problem.  If his mom knows about this and doesnt say anything she could also get in trouble..  He does need help, so the best way to do is tell his mom if she loves her kids and want them to grow and succeed.  the best way is to get help..  So he can start all over with his life again.  It is better to end his violence now and get less punishment then 10 years later where things will be worse then hiting and the punishment will be worser.

Answer 5

There is nothing you can do to convince her mother of anything.   This is a highly dysfunctional  family, and the mother is an enabler.   She enables her son's poor conduct and self control.  She allows her son to be physically, verbally and emotionally abusive to his sister.   What you can do is go to your school counselor and speak to him/her so that they can call in your friend to speak with her.  She needs some professional help.  Now, I may warn you, that whatever you say will be taken seriously (Or I would hope as any suspected abuse against a minor is MANDATED by law to be reported).   So, child services possibly will get involved.   Her mother is a true idiot.   Speak with your friend on a one to one.  Seriously, tell her she is in danger, and her mother doesnt seem to care much for her safety.   It seems as though the mother rather protect her delinquint son, instead of her suffering daughter.  

If she doesnt leave now, he could possibly do worse to her, physcially or mentally.  

Also, keep in mind, children who grow up in abusive homes tend to attract abusive partners later on in life.   Im not saying this is a definite, but it happens.   She needs help and she needs it now.  Speak to someone for her sake.  Should you choose to open up to an adult at your school, she might be upset with you, and she might feel that you have betrayed her trust, but remember, you could be saving her life.   Find out first if she has other family, you too should speak with your parents for support.  This is a difficult issue and you shouldnt feel alone in this.

Good Luck.

EDIT:   Also, if your friend has told your mother "Dont be surprised one day I dont come home"  Means to tell me that she has thought of running away.   Running away from unsolved problems only brings about more problems and stress.  I understand she does not want to be home, however, if she runs away, she will also be considered a delinquint, and there will be even more issues for her to face.  It is always best to do things the right way, even thought they seem difficult.  Talk to her aboutt hat too...if she chooses to leave home, ask her where would she go.  I hope she has other trust worthy family.   This could be a way out of the house for her.   Once again, my best bet is going to a counselor, or have her go herself.

Answer 6

Oh dear. I'm so sorry that your friend is being abused. I know it's difficult to know what to do, and it's a responsibility to great for someone your age to bear! Keeping your friend's abuse a secret does not help her, and telling an adult is not a betrayal in situations like this. She let you in on her secret and this is her way of reaching out for help.

The safest and quietest way to handle this is to offer to go with your friend to talk to the school counselor, or a counselor at a teen center. Bruises, marks and witnesses can help prove what's happening, but don't wait for that. Things like this only get worse - and fast.

My heart goes out to you! God bless you and your friend.

Answer 7

Wow sounds like he has some major issues. I would tell your friend to call on her own. Her mom doesn't need to do it. If your friend feels in danger and her mom fails to protect her than she or you need to do what you need to do before someone ends up dead. Good Luck.

Answer 8

The parents must know that he has issues. If they are missing this one, then they have their head in the sand. Maybe its about time your friend called the police on him. He has issues, and she doesn't need to be a victim in all this. Have the police straighten his butt out and wake his parents up to the problem.

Answer 9

Tell her to get a bat and knock him upside the head.  Mother sounds like a looser, who wants the boy to be a looser too.  Call 911 next time it happens, but be careful he might try to get even.  

Answer 10

This is a fighting family and you want to join in?  You call the cops and the whole family will turn against you!  Stay away!  Put your nose at somewhere else.

Answer 11

tell me where he lives.jk i think u should call the cops

Answer 12

You should totally call the cops. He could do much worse. But if the mom does not want to then it is none of your business. The girls mom has to do something.

Answer 13

Maybe you should try talking to your friends mom. Try to explain to her that its understandable that she doesn't want to call the cops on her son but that she should try and make him stop or threaten to call the cops yourself. If she doesn't listen tell her that if she doesn't do something her son is going to end up in jail.