My friend's ex is leaving her 11 year old alone while he goes out with his new girlfriend

Question

I found out last night that my friend's ex-husband leaves his daughter, who he has custody of, alone while he goes on dates . She told me that her daughter called her at almost midnight one night and said that her dad was not home from his date yet and she was scared. he had turned his cell phone off so she could not call him either. I think the little girl should call her mom and the police next time. My friend says that the police are biased because her ex is a mechanic and works on some of the police cars, so it would not help. I fantasized last night about staging a fake "kidnapping" to scare him, but she nixed that idea. I also let her know that if CPS gets involved and finds out that she was aware that this was going on, she might get in trouble too.

any suggestions on what we should do? she asked me to not just call CPS and report it. Only report what I can personally vouch for.

Answer 1

OK, this girl has issues, at 11 you should WANT to be allowed to do that!

Answer 2

pop

Answer 3

there is nothing "we" should do, but your friend should get her lawyer to show he is abandoning the girl and then sue for custody...

Answer 4

Well, when I was eleven, I was allowed to stay home alone but that was in the day-time for about 2 hours and I could easily reach both of my parents and had nice neighbors all around me. I think maybe she should tell the judge that decided he had custody of her daughter. Plus I kinda doubt that the police would be on his side just because he's their mechanic. I don't think I would trust my mechanic on anything other than cars if that's all I knew he/she did.  

Answer 5

call cps

Answer 6

wow thats scary, ya at midnight i would be freaked and thats mean to turn ur phone off call somebody, and tell them and like everybody will call police and he will get in TROUBLE WITH A T

Answer 7

i think the girl should just call her mom next time but i dont think the police should get involved just yet. staging a kidnapping will just result in more problems andd it shouldnt matter if the dad makes police cars or not. the mom should talk to the dad and tell him how she feels and maybe that will solve the issue but dont get the police involved yett

Answer 8

http://www.nspcc.org.uk/HelpAndAdvice/Pa...

http://www.hhs.gov/faq/families/46.html

http://www.latchkey-kids.com/home-alone-...

That first link I think is only relevent to the UK, the other two are more for the USA.  It seems there is no law stating what age is ok for a child to be left alone. Personally I think 11 is ok so long as theyre not responsible for other children and the place they are left is safe and its not for more than an hour or two tops and most importantly the chid is comfortable with being left.  I think the fact that the child is calling her mother telling her she is scared means that she's not quite mature enough to be left for long periods.  I do think she should talk to the cps maybe not to report him but perhaps for some guidance and mediating  between her and the Ex.

Answer 9

i think u should do that fake kidnapp thing so he can really pay attention to her letting him no how scare dit is give her back u day and  

Answer 10

CPS will not hold your friend "E" accountable if she doesn't have custody.  Call them or have her report....do it anonimously...whatever, but he doesn't seem to have his daughters safety at the top of his proirity list he's out trying to get laid.  

Answer 11

alright, the kid is 11, she can be left home for a little bit

it builds independence in children.  She is not 8.

ya, go kidnap the girl, thats a GREAT idea.

How about you let those two worry about their own kid and you just go ask anonymous people questions anonymously on some anonymous question and answer website.

Answer 12

Well, that's scary - but she's old enough to be home alone like that. Now, maybe have you're friend discuss it out with her ex, and tell him that his cell phone MUST be on at all times. That fake kidnapping would be too scary I think, but do what you want.  

Answer 13

DO NOT BREAK THE LAW!!!

Perhaps, start with a minister or priest that may know the family. Have the parent tell him/her of the situation and allow a professional to handle the matter. There is room for misunderstanding so don't jump to conclusions. I think a consultation with a professional like a priest or minister is a good beginning point. They can help you and your friend take it from there.

Answer 14

have her call cps, she cant get into that much trouble if she calls it in.  something needs to be done, and social services should be involved.  but you also need to ask yourself why the mother doesn't have the custody of the child.  is it better for the kid to be in the fathers care than the mothers?

Answer 15

well i think ur friend should go to her husband and renogoshiat the custody of their daughter and i think wt happened will help ur friend in cort

Answer 16

I think that the girl's mom should have custody of her. If the father is out a lot with his new girlfriend, and the girl is 11 years old, and she is not okay with it, then he should at least leave her with a friend or a babysitter. You/or a the mother should talk to the father and ask him to please at least leave his phone on. Because if something happens like someone tries to break in or something happens..you'll never know. If this problem continues, you should contact the CPS and report it. It is illegal to leave people that are under 16 or 18 should not be left at home by them. God Bless The 11 kid.

Answer 17

I agree your friend should talk to a lawyer and petition the court to make changes to the arrangement. At 11 I stayed home by myself late, but I always had the phone numbers to where my parents were. If you know this is happening and you are concerned w/the childs well being, then you could anonymously call CPS. Until something can be done legally, I think the girl should call her mother if she gets scared. Also, I find it hard to believe that everyone at he police station is biased. Your friend needs to get a lawyer ASAP.

Answer 18

i think you should ignore her mom and call the CPS.  

Answer 19

You aren't able to change this.  The mother has to encourage her daughter to call the police and tell them she is home alone and scared.  She is too young to be on her own and her father knows it.  He is counting on the fact that she will sleep through his absences.  

Since he turns his cell phone off the police can take her into protective custody and may allow her to stay with her mother at least temporarily.

A lot of where she ends up is going to be up to a judge.