My friend accused my 10 year old son of hurting her kid- what to do?

Question

My son is a caring boy, nice to animals, babies, & not aggressive to other kids. I've been spending a lot of time with my friend and her two boys-9 & 7. The last time she was over, she asked my son if he was playing too rough with her 7 year old. He looked confused and she said her son had a bruise and claimed my son pinched him. My son got this look on his face like he was going to cry and said that he did pinch him but that the kid's brother was also pinching him. She said her other son denied it. I was speechless at the time because I couldn't believe that she was confronting my child directly and using that tone with him. She repeated twice that he had a bruise. I told my son that he needed to be nice because I was embarassed and shocked. After they left, my older daughter told me that she saw what happened. The kid kept pinching my son and he warned him 2 times to stop or he would pinch him back. I called and told her what my daughter said. I am still upset because of her attitude

Answer 1

just say youll talk to your son about it and say youll make sure you teach him not to do that again or to anyone

Answer 2

Depending on how good of a "friend" she is, I would suggest just steering clear of her.  I have been in situations where a "friend" (and I use the term loosely) will consistently blame things on another child.  I also have been around people who think that their children can't do anything wrong and it's a recipe for disaster.  Save your child the guilt and harassment and just stay away from her.....

Answer 3

Well, this is just my personal opinion, but I think that you need to honestly just break ties with her and her kids. I find it ridiculous that a mother would do that to someone else's kid. Okay, so it was a one time deal, but you did say that she would probably do it again if given the chance. Well, why put yourself and your son in a position where he can get picked on and you'll have to yell at him?

That's just my personal opinion, but I would be very outraged at what that mother did and how mean the seven year old boy was to your son. Again, that's just me.

Answer 4

I'd tell her you are both upset over the incident and it would be good if you break from playdates for a few weeks. I'd also tell her you don't feel comfortable with what happened and will stop playdates if the boys can't play nicely without getting hurt. That way its on all the kids and you aren't pointing fingers.

Answer 5

Oh wow. This  is just kids being kids. Kids will pinche each other and sorts of that. If your friend doesnt see that then she has some problems.

Answer 6

Lord---everyone is so sensitive these days.  We used to beat the c**p out of each other, and my mom would just make us do it outside.  We were bruised up all the time! Ain't nobody dead!

Talk to your friend and ask her to speak with you in the future and----uh---little boys bruise each other.  As long as no one needs an emergency room visit or stitches, just let kids work things out.

Answer 7

Just say Im sorry for the inconvience but im sure my son would not hurt him, maybe you should think back more to the situation, be cause hes 7! He could  lie and it would not hurt him in any way.

Answer 8

I don’t have kids but I do have nephews and when kids try to take advantage of them I tell them to come and tell me or if you really don’t want the kids to play suggest the kids play in the same room as you.If she asked why say simply… I would rather not have another pinching incident

Answer 9

you should try your best to put it in your past accidents will happen they are just kids. But if he did do it then you should ask him nicely why he did it do it in a why that will make him not feel like he is in trouble but don't let him off 2 easily. Then teach him that is the wrong thing to do.

Answer 10

Talk to your son, tell him you believe his side of the story, and you appreciate his honesty.  Then, tell him that the next time something like that happens he needs to come tell you immediately.  

As for the other mother, just let it go.  You called her and told her what really happened and that's all you can do. If she confronts your kid again, stop her and ask her to discuss it with you first in private and that you prefer to handle any disciplining with your kid.

Answer 11

Supervise.

We have a similar situation with a kid who has been pretty violent to one of my kids.  When she asks him to stop and he doesn't, she yells at him to stop ... and then he goes to his mom and says that my daughter was yelling at him.  His mom then yells at my daughter, who makes no effort to defend herself and explain what happened.  

The first time it happened I was flabbergasted because my daughter gets along with everybody and isn't someone who generally yells.  When we went home she explained what happened.  The next time I watched them more closely and actually saw it happen again.  When the kid finished kicking my daughter and she asked him to stop and then looked like she was about to cry and said if he did that she wasn't going to play with him, he ran to his mom and reported the comment, and she came storming over to tell my daughter that was a rude thing to say.  That time *I* said she said it because she was upset because he had been kicking her ... and the parent actually said that she should have just told her son again nicely to stop instead of saying she wouldn't play with him.  I was utterly flabbergasted that she didn't discipline her son.  Now when they're together I stay close enough so that if he starts hitting or kicking, I can intervene immediately by stepping between them.  Usually I'm all in favor of leaving that to the parent, but if a parent's not going to step up about physical violence, then I am.

Answer 12

I wouldn't place any blame on your son... he warned the other kid to stop pinching him, and he didn't back down.

Unless you want everyone to walk all over him, that is. Then you should punish him. It's not like the kid is going to be scarred for life by getting pinched!

Answer 13

You need to make her apologize to him.  I would probably try to limit your children's exposure to her and her children in the future.  If you want to keep the relationship with your friend just do things with her like girls night.  But you have to consider, what kind of friend is she if she'll do that to your kid?

Answer 14

well kids are kids and your friend over reacted.

Friends are a dime a dozen.

Answer 15

I would let them play together but only at your house so if something happens you're there to handle it rationally. And I would make sure to tell your son that if anything like that happens to come and tell you right away so he doesn't look like the mean one. Personally I think she made a big deal out of nothing, they're little boys! That kind of stuff happens and then 10 minutes later there friends again, it's not like he broke his nose or anything, you know? I wouldn't end your friendship over something like this but I'd be extra cautious when the kids are around. Good Luck! =]

Answer 16

I would simply tell her you do not want this to intefere with you guys friendship, but in the future if she has a problem with your son...speak with you directly about it and you will handle it from there.

Then I would completely forget about it. Kids will be kids and she should know that.