My friend always has to make everything a competition. Should I say anything or let it go?

Question

I've been good friends with this girl for almost 10 years now. We usually have a great time together - except for one thing that has ALWAYS bothered me about her; she has to turn everything into a competition.

She has been doing this since I first knew her in high school - it was always about grades or music (we played the same instrument). If she beat me at something, she would always made these snide little comments, sometimes in front of people. Like if she got a better grade on a test, she would say, "Oh you got a D. Didn't you study alot? I got an A and didn't study at all." And if I beat her it was always because she was too cool to study/practice/care. This has continued on all throughout our friendship. (i.e. "Everyone knows a math major is WAY more work and harder than liberal arts", etc)

Anyway, I've ignored it as best I can for the most part, but lately it's gotten a lot worse. I know it's because she is having her own problems (she is having a hard time finding a job after college with her fancy math degree while I got lucky with a great job, and her engagement is not working out), but I'm getting really fed up. I said something to her about it, but she completely denied it and acted like she didn't know what I was talking about.

I don't know what to do - I would miss her friendship if I ended it over this, but I'm not really having a good time being around her anymore because she is ALWAYS saying something. I don't care if she thinks she's better than me, or if she's really jealous of any success I have that she doesn't. I would hope she would be happy for me, but I can't change how she feels - but I can't take her saying things out loud anymore. Especially since it seems like lately she has really been doing it alot more in front of other people too. I'm really at my wits end. What should I do?

Answer 1

u might just have to decide if u can put up with it or if it is time to stop being friends with her. she will let you know by her actions.

calmly confront her on it the second the words pass her lips again. ask her why would she say that and how would she feel if you said that to/about her. tell her the things she has said in the past and how that makes you feel like she doesn't care about you or your feelings and that she needs to stop it. u need to be assertive about this to her and give it to her straight up.

if she is a true friend she will realize how she is acting and she will change. if she does not change, she is not a true friend and doesn't really care about the friendship. you make it up to HER to continue the friendship.

it will only become worse, as you are beginning to experience, if you don't stand up for yourself and your feelings. it will be hard but it is worth it!