My friend called me yesterday in tears as she found texts from his ex on his phone?

Question

My friend has been with her boyfriend 6 years, when they started going out he had just finished with his his ex however his ex has always been a bit obsessed and continued to text him after they finished, she soon go the message though and stopped. However my friends boyf has always guarded his phone like its gold and only two nights ago did he get caught out, he came home extremely drunk and practially passed out, my mate seized her opportunity to have a look at his phone and noticed text messages from his ex saying stuff like "let me know when you've booked the room" and dont forget you dumped me for her" it was all really suspicous. Anyway my mate woke him up in the morning and asked him out right but he did the typical man thing and just said "your the only one i love" then got dressed and walked out. I tried to advice her the best i could but she just kept telling me how lucky i was to have such a good relationship with my husband and how she is scared of being on her own if she finishes with him, they also have a mortgage together and have just been doing up the house, what should she do? I personally think he has been cheating for a while, but i dont want to tell her to dump him incase she is on her own, but then would'nt it be for the best? we're all 30 so its a time in our lives when we dont want to be on our own.

Answer 1

Think your friend needs to have a long talk with her bf they've been together for 6 years have a house together and she still is suspicious of an ex. Sounds like your friend knows their relationship has problems and is in denial but only her can end the relationship she is only 30 its not old.

Answer 2

Your friend needs a bloody good KICK! Has she no self-respect? At 30, if it was a choice between 'having' to deal with a cheating partner (who incidentally is playing on her being so desperate to keep him that she will put up with any kind of treatment just to be able to say she's got a man) and being alone and self-respecting, I'd ditch the fecker who was playing me.

The first thing she should do is get all the paperwork on their mortgage together and bring it to a solicitor or attorney and see if she can take over the entire mortgage financially. If they are not married, and she is in a position to buy him out, she should do so, and change the locks in the house and get rid of this louse.  

Answer 3

hard, you don't want anything you say now to come back to haunt you later. but listen - your friend needs truth now. i know she invested years (and other things!) into this relationship, and has plans for the future.

but this is so obvious... he hasn't denied anything. god, even if we say he does love your friend, he's been having s*x with the other girl because the girl makes it easy, and probably a comfort when things go wrong with your friend, and familiar. A weak man who fundamentally disrespects your friend, and has no spine or will, in the BEST case scenario, which is, 'she doesn't mean anything, i love you'.

Your friend sounds dependant enough to be convinced by whatever backtracking he'll come up with. She can choose to live a comfortable lie, and suffer - because he'll know what kinds of c**p she puts up with, and put her through more.

The thing is, yes it's much harder in your thirties, and it's horrible when expectations are shattered. BUT it's not the end of the world. People recover from all kinds of things - divorce too, even after years of marriage, and they do find other people, and very often the second marriage is better because they've learned from the first.

Money can be made, if you work smart and hard. Your friend can cover her expenses with some creativity. She might discover she's stronger than she thought she could be.

I would encourage my friend to be truthful with herself and be strong. She will hurt more if she lets him continue to lie to her, in this or other ways. She will turn into a pathetic, paranoid, ridiculous person, consumed by worry about what he is doing, where he is going. Nothing else will take root. Be her friend.  

Answer 4

Its a clear sign not just the text but hiding the phone in the first place otherwise she wouldn't have been tempted to look.  Being 30 with Aids  is not better than being alone, when men are cheating they somehow don't think about who else the woman is sleeping with. She needs to confront him for a real explanation.    

Answer 5

when someone guards his/her phone like gold, it means something--cheating. and he is caught red handed.

help your friend as she goes through this process. help her get a new apartment or somewhere to crash so she can be away from the situation and be able to think better.

i know where you are coming from about the age thing and not wanting to be alone, but everyone deserves respect, so help her get hers back.

Answer 6

1) Boozers are losers

2) He is a cheating loser

3) She ought to kick him into touch    but

4) You would be wise not to get too involved.

Answer 7

So a bad something is better than nothing?  Flirting is one thing, booking a room is another.  To the kerb, Honey, kick him to the kerb!