My friend had a teacher from her childs school call CPS... can someone advise?

Question

Her child has been really acting up, she's in 3rd grade. she just switched schools, they lost their home... many things. Her mom is really great, i've known her very well for a few years. our children play together. the child has understandably been acting out. apparently she did something REALLY bad and her mom, who has never spanked, got a belt and hit her 3 times on the butt. the daughter made a smart remark about it not hurting, so the mom got a wooden spoon and hit her again. the next day at school the teacher heard the daughter say something, checked and there was a bruise.

what course of action should the mom take. she is devasted. they didn't take the child. what happens next? i think the mom said she does have to go to court. what can she do to rectify this situation.

Answer 1

Just be truthful wen they question her. She did not beat up the child in a fit of rage. She was just disciplining her. So sad that parents are scared to discipline their own child in their own these days due to all these child abuse charges. My siblings and I were spanked 10 times worse than that. And I have still haven't spanked my children.

Answer 2

Well, the fact of the matter is that both your friend and her child seem to be overwhelmed...completely understandable....but they are apparently both dealing with it in ways which are completely inappropriate.  I would urge your friend to be in cntact with an attorney AND to get both herself and her daughter into counseling ASAP.  If she wants to hang onto her daughter, she has to prove to the courts that she can be a better mom than one who is going to physically abuse her child when said child misbehaves.

Answer 3

It's pretty unlikely that they will remove this child from the home unless there are other issues that are discovered (and keep in mind that this is what the parent is reporting to you. However much you like her, there could be more).

On the other hand, this does sound like a family in crisis, and it looks like mom has run out of energy and ideas. Particularly in this crisis, and particularly if the child has never been spanked, this is a pretty abusive form of discipline. The child made the remark to protect herself emotionally -- the child is in crisis too.

What I do think will happen is that CPS may monitor the family for a while and try to help them get stable. It might not actually be a bad idea for her to ask for some support. Maybe some parental coaching, maybe some respite care, I don't know.

I think it'll be okay. As previous posters have said, they really DON'T like taking kids out of the home. Maybe the family will be able to get some extra help and support. It also seems like she's lucky to have you.

Answer 4

Well to be honest....in some states it's actually frowned upon to use a "weapon" to discipline your child with. She should have never gone that far (and she had to have hit her pretty hard to leave a bruise).

And I find it hard to believe that a woman who has NEVER spanked her child started with a belt and graduated to a wooden spoon in one sitting. What did her child do? Throw knives or something? I spank my children...and I would NEVER arm myself first.

That being said....she should take a parenting class...if the court doesn't already force her to. It can only help to make her look good to say "see I know I messed up and I am trying to fix it".

And even get herself and her daughter into therapy. The daughter is acting up for a reason and it would only help her to find out why. If she's already spanking her with stuff that's leaving bruises...then what will she do next time when her child says the same smart remark. (like the wooden spoon REALLY taught her a lesson right? Taught her that her mom doesn't care if she hurts her)

At any rate....your "friend" should really thank her lucky stars that they didn't take her daughter....I know a woman who lives by me that had her 9 yr old daughter sent to live with her biological father simply because the girl claimed that the mom struck her in the stomach. No marks, no bruises and the girl even said later on that she lied, she was only mad at her mom.

I believe in spanking and proper discipline....but NOT when it goes too far...and that woman simply took it WAY TOO FAR. If a man did it...I bet every one here would be saying "OMG he should be thrown in jail"

Answer 5

CPS much prefers to keep a child in the home with the parent.One isolated incidence will not be  problem. They most likely will recommend counseling which quite frankly would be a good idea. It will help the child work through her problems and help the Mom to find ways to deal with her child.

Answer 6

They might assign an advocate for the child to ensure this was issolated. She is old enough that CPS can discuss things with the child and get relieable answers. I agree they wont take the child away, they will monitor the family.

I am glad to see the teacher did what she was supposed to do. In this case in the very least it has helped your friend realize she might need some assistance.

Good luck

Answer 7

I don't know but even if something more was going on and CFS did take this girl into care so her mum could haver time and space to sort things out, wouldn't they just send her to live with rellies? That's what happens to kids up here anyway. So maybe knowing that would make her mum feel better. Getting 'taken into care' doesn't mean she's going to be whisked off to some Victorian orphanage somewhere never to be seen or heard from again!

Strewth! Anyone who reckons getting 3 cuts with the belt and a whack with a wooden spoon equals 'physical abuse' should really come and meet our mum! lol. oR our dad. We can't believe the teacher reported her mum just for THAT!!!!!. All that ever happens to you here is you get told "tough!" and told to "get over it".