My friend is forcing her daughter on my daughter. My child wants nothing to do with her. Help?

Question

My daughter is a sweet girl, but I'm having some issues with her and another girl that I need some advice on.

I'm very good friends with this girl's mother...have been since they were babies and they are now freshman in high school. However, her daughter and my daughter have never gotten along. Her daughter is actually very obnoxious, and I hate to say that but she is. She annoys my daughter to no end, pretty much acts like a five year old and my daughter can't deal with it. Neither can any of the other kids at school.

My friend knows that our daughters don't get along but she keeps trying to force her daughter on mine. As sweet as my child is, she wants nothing to do with this girl, as she drives her up a tree whenever she's around. Needless to say, this girl has no friends because she acts like a complete moron and although I've tried to get my child and her child together throughout the years, it just hasn't worked out,

I don't feel like her child should be pushed on my daughter. Tonight there was a school dance and my daughter was excited to make new friends, but of course, I get a phone call from my friend asking if her daughter could come to the dance with her. I KNEW that if I allowed her to come, she would torment my daughter all night. What should I do? I love this girl's mother dearly but my daughter is miserable when her child is around. She came crying and begging me not to call her mother back to say yes about driving. I don't want to lose my friend, but I don't want my daughter to feel miserable because this girl is being forced upon her. How do I not come off as a complete monster in all of this? Help?

Answer 1

I suggest you tell your friend that your daughter really wants to go with her other friends. Then Suggest to your daughter that she should calmly start avoiding her at school but when it comes to the point where your friend is calling you asking you for your daughter to hang out with hers I think you should tell her that her daughter should give your daughter a call. By your description your daughter seems like she'll know what to do and how to do it. If your friend becomes mad at you if your daughter doesn't want to hang out with hers than she's not that good of a friend.

Answer 2

I wouldn't tell your friend that your daughter does not like hers, as that will only hurt her feelings.  But I wouldn't push her on your daughter - just because you and the mother are friends, doesn't mean your kids have to be.  I would say something like "oh, she'll have to meet up with her at the dance, she's already going with so and so".  Or if she was going to go alone, just say "oh, not this time, my daughter and I are having some bonding alone time first" or something to that effect.  

That will at least get her out of the dance issue..... If it continues, her calling to force her daughter on yours, you can make a joke out of it, like "I think our kids are too old to have us arrange their playdates!" and try to let the girls work it out.

Hope this helps!

Answer 3

Just be honest.

You said yourself the girls don't get along. Tell your friend that you cherish her friendship, but as they've grown older, your daughters now have different interests and that spending time together isn't really fun for either of them.

Whatever you do, don't criticize her daughter. Just be nice. Your friend should understand. Even childhood friends outgrow each other sometimes.

And who knows, maybe they will be friends again one day...just not right now. :)

Good luck to you.

Answer 4

Your daughter is more important than your friendship with this other girl's mother.

If your daughter asked you not to invite her to go to the dance with your daughter, then don't invite her.

Tell your friend that your daughter is going to the dance with some of her other friends.  

Don't make things worse for your daughter.

Answer 5

i would do what best suits my daughter-even if it means hurting my friends feelings.  i would casually mention " boy, isn't it weird how kids just grow apart over the years? i mean look at our 2, different groups and things. " it is a shame, but what can you do-she doesn't need to know that her kid has drove your daughter bonkers for years. i would let the girls deal with it themselves also, unless a situation like the dance thing comes up again. if it does, say "you know, i think she already has plans. you know these girls, always changning plans!" tell her if you don't call back, take it as a no-go.

if it continues, you might have to get more forceful. " (her name) ,  (daughter, yours) is really changing and making new friends. i don't want to step in and hinder her progress with her social life unless i feel it is necessary. how about from now on, if your daughter wants to come over, have her call so & so directly and they can decide on their own. she is very busy with school work and so forth, and i want her to be able to make her own decisions on her entertainment and friends.  so when can you and i get together?"

being non-chalant about it makes it seem less drastic. she is probably pushing her on your daughter becuase she knows the way she acts-that is her problem for allowing it, not yours or your daughters.

i would talk to your daughter and make sure she knows that feelings get hurt easily, even when they don't mean to. try to still be nice, and not snub her. she doesn't need to "hang out" but an occasional hi when the other girl waves, instead of a snub will help it out a little.

and also, make sure not to plan "family" outings with your friend anymore. just spend time, you and her. if she wants a mmom & daughter outing, say so & so cannot but if you want to go , i will be glad to . then you aren't throwing your daughter into situations where she has to be with the girl. just plan stuff with your friend instead- good luck, it sounds like a tough spot!

Answer 6

Before answering, it is important for me to know some examples of what this girl actually does to make you think she is "very obnoxious" and "a complete moron".... and "a five year old".  

Answer 7

How about letting them work it out themselves? Try not to get involved at all and let the two girls figure it all out.  

Tell your friend that you aren't involved in it and it's up to your daughter who she hangs out with.  If you r daughter is as sweet as you say, she will have no problem handling this in the best way...with maturity and kindness.