My friend is pregnant and she wants me to adopt her baby, can we do this privately?

Question

My friend has told me she is pregnant. She wanted to have an abortion, which I am against, since I have had troubles trying to have kids of my own. I really want to adopt her child and her and her boyfriend want that too. Can she just sign over rights to me or do we have to go through an adoption agency?

Answer 1

let me make sure i understood:  your infertility ranked higher than your friend's right to her own reproductive autonomy???

that's deep...

Answer 2

Let me get this straight. She wants to have an abortion, and you talked her into adoption instead?

Do you and this friend have ANY idea of the life-long emotional repercussions of relinquishing a child?

I honestly cannot believe you are outright admitting that took your own self-interests into account during your friend's crisis. I am just speechless.

Please stop and think about this. PLEASE. Relinquishing a child is NOT easy. It is the second hardest thing I've done in my life... and the FIRST hardest is living every day without my child.

Your friend needs COUNSELING, not someone pushing her towards adoption. Independent, competent counseling.

Relinquishment gave me post-traumatic stress disorder, a bout of serious depression, and made me suicidal for a period of months. THAT is what you are asking your friend to sign up for.

What exactly is the issue (or issues) causing her to not want to parent, anyway? Are they financial? If you are her friend, can't you help her out to KEEP her baby?

How far along is she? She shouldn't even be THINKING about adoption, period, if she's early in the pregnancy. She should be getting options counseling.

I am sorry if this seems harsh but I just cannot understand this. I have to assume you simply don't know just what exactly you are asking of your friend. I know that if one of my friends ever got pregnant, I'd do everything in my power to help them make parenting work--or I'd hold her hand through the abortion--but I would never, ever ask her to give her baby up to me.

Just... speechless.

Answer 3

Legal Question.  See a lawyer or at the very very least go see Planned Parenthood.  They can steer you in the right direction.

Answer 4

I would think you would need to get an adoption lawyer to help you thru this. I do have a question for you--Do you understand the responsibility that you are about to take on? Meaning some adopted children deal with some emtional issues reagarding their adoption. Not all do, but some do. IF your child goes thru this could you handle this? Also, too how about your friendship with your friend--will she be able to handle giving up her child? Could this change your friendship? Will this be an open adoption? Meaning will your friend be in the child's life, and the child will know about your friend? This is a very big decsion not only for you but for your friend. I understand you wanting a child, most people want a child to raise and to love. It's only natural to have that want. Just make sure this wanting is not clouding your judgement. Please,please take your time and search your heart. After you have done this and you still want to adopt--then make sure you are be as open and honest with your feelings. To your friend, to your family and to the chld. I wish you the best in whatever choice you decide. And i do not think you are wrong in wanting this child.

Answer 5

you should be able to do this on your own..check your local court house and they should have all the paper work that you need..for your part and for the bio-parents part..good luck..

Answer 6

Talk to a lawyer... protect yourself and that baby.

Answer 7

You don't need an adoption agency but you do need a good adoption lawyer.  Talk to several (most have free consulations) and ask about their experience with similar situations.  Also ask to see all fees upfront.  Find some online resources for adoption (adoption.com is my favorite) and do as much reading as you can.  

Good luck!!

Answer 8

Yes, you can go through a private attorney.

And I might get some thumbs down for saying this, but- kudos to you for saving that child's life.

<3 Kelsey

Answer 9

If you just find a lawyer that deals with adoptions you can bypass the adoption agency.  You will still have to go through all of the red tape though...home visits, etc.  I worked for an attorney that did adoptions in NY.  It wasn't a very long process but could be costly.  Good luck.

Answer 10

You should be able to do it privately check your state about legal guardianship's and custody paperwork. Just research it, hope all goes well :) good luck!

Answer 11

legal custody or guardianship is done easily but adoption is a different thing. Every state is different. There is more to adoption than just signing papers. there's background checks and interviews and lots of paperwork.

Answer 12

she can pick you as the parents, but you'll still have to go through all the legalities of a private adoption. it isn't free. a home study will be done to see if you're fit. you'll have to get an attorney. as a friend, i would really try to help her through her pregnancy and encourage her to keep her child. if not, as a friend, abortion is legal, and you should let her make her own decision and not lay your problems and guilt trip on her. i don't understand how what you want and think is more important than what is right for her. real friends support their friends in tough times, they don't add to the problem.