My friend is too close to my son...?

Question

i have a friend that is a real sweetheart. she loves my son dearly and i always thought that was a good thing until the other day. my son is 11 months old and like most toddlers, he doesn't want to be held a lot. he wants to run around and get into things. my friend likes to hug my son and hold him, despite him trying to fight to get down and run around. she also kisses on my son. even before i had a child, i never made it a habit to kiss on the children of other people. i have friends that i've known over 10 years and i only hug their children and that's only in greetings and goodbyes. i know my friend doesn't mean any harm, she just really likes kids. its just that its getting kind of creepy. kind of michael jacksonish. the kind where even if there is no inappropriate touching, as a parent, i'm getting kind of disturbed. has anyone else had this problem? and if so, how do you handle it without telling your friend that you think he or she is a perv?

Answer 1

I think you should tell her that you think she needs to let him down to run if he wants and you really think he'll like her more. Also I'd tell her kissing him goodbye, even hello is more than enough. I love on my grand babies and love to snuggle fats, chubby babies but not if they don't want me to. The kids needs come first most of the time. i'm with you, I'm not touchy feely with other than family and don't want to be. my/your choice should be honored. If you don't tell her you'll eventually want to lose the friendship. How important is she to you? Good luck, this is a hard one but you have to be the one to keep your son safe as you said.

edit.....I just read your add on. Nobody here know if she's a perv or a nut or whatever. Nor should anyone assume you don't know whats best. your child your rules. What you added is way beyond comfrtable and you need to stop it NOW.

You go MOM!

edit 2.Flowersinbloom,  How do you know her friends not a perv, or she's safe around the baby? are you the friend she's worried about?  You are way harsh for no reason I can see on a mom trying to take care of her child.

Answer 2

I guess just tell her how you feel.  I mean I see nothing wrong with it, she just loves your son, and I would just be grateful that my child was loved that much by someone other than myself.  I have a friend that has always kissed my daughters and I don't have a problem with it as she loves my girls, and I feel like it is just someone they are comfortable with, and I don't see any harm in it.  

Edit:  Reading your add on, I think I would say something.  As it seems like a little bit more affection than I am thinking about. I thought it was just a few hugs, and some kisses on the cheek.   And I mean if you have too, I would cut back visitations with her.

Answer 3

if your gut tells you something is wrong then trust your insticts but sounds like to me your friend just wants a baby and longs for that mother/child relationship.

I kiss my friends kids and my sisters kids and they kiss my kids-especially when they were babies but like I said before-trust your insticts.

good luck!

Answer 4

honesty is the best policy here. Tell your friend how you feel, and ask her to not hug and kiss on your child so much since it makes you uncomfortable.  

Answer 5

I am reminded of when my daughter was two months old. One day while out in public, some lady came up and started touching my baby. I was put off and asked her to please not touch my baby. She got really offended, like I had implied she was unclean or something. Which was not the case. It should be common sense that you don't do something like that.

So I can definitely see your point. If you are uncomfortable with your friend touching your kid, there is absolutely nothing wrong with limiting her contact with your kid. It does seem like your friend is being a bit clingy. Maybe she needs to go have her own baby. If your instinct tells you something is not quite right, I think you should go with it.  

Answer 6

Is she giving him kisses on the mouth?. If so, just tell her to keep it on the cheek, because your afraid of germs and him getting sick. You haven't given us any real proof that she is a perv, you kind of sound strange. Add some details if you have left something out, because I'm lost, I'm just not getting what the problem is.

My sister's husband's family was foreigners(turkish) and they always kissed all of us. It was embarrassing, but it was there way.

Answer 7

Some people are more affectionate than others.  Some people (adults and children) are more comfortable with occasional hugs and some people are comfortable with kisses more frequently.  It is hard to tell from what you describe whether this is a case of culture-clash or a danger signal.

You are the one on the scene and the one who sees all the details that you can't include here.  You get a much fuller picture of the situation than we do.  If you have a bad feeling, then that is reason enough to do some due-diligence.  9 times out of 10 it will turn out that you were worried about nothing.

You could look around the internet for a site that lists s*x offenders, and see if your friend is listed.  You could reach out to your local police and ask them what signs/signals you should be looking for.  I would do that in addition to making some time to talk to your friend when your child is asleep / not around, so that you and your friend can talk freely.

Answer 8

I have a friend who cannot get the point of no kissing on the lips either....it is annoying! But it is just her way. I just keep telling her over and over. Maybe it will sink it someday!

Answer 9

which type of mental history? i'd be causious of her "adopting" the kid, some people loose sigth of bounderies and there are cases of people who end up geting between parent and kid thinking they are the better option of parent for that kid, they love it more they know better etc

i'd pick up a phonecall to a shrink to get a few tips on what to look for

in the end if i felt conserned i'd stop worrying about the friend as your kid have to come first.

just try things like explaining the kid need to be allowed to play before she pick him up, tell her you just changed the diper etc

maybe cut back on how often you have her visiting

affection is all good, but there are limits after which you as a parent has every rigth to be conserned

and to anyone who say not to dont listen, what you typed made my signal guns flare in my head, i'd sertainly feel iffy too, ignorance in parents are the greatest danger for something happening to the kids, its all good and well to not be paranoid, but that dont mean you should close your eyes.

Answer 10

Hmm, it sounds like you are making it a preversion issue when it does not seem to be one. Now if he were 9 and she were doing this then I would tell her to back off. But a 10 month old baby? To compare your friend to Michael Jackson?

If she were going up to random peoples babies and trying to pick them up and kiss them then this lady would need to taught some bounderies, but a good friend is like family and it is not gross or creepy for a family member to love your son. You should feel lucky and happy your son has someone else who loves him. If anything happened your son would have someone who loved him very dearly to watch his back.

If you are bothered by it and find it creepy and gross then you should tell her that it makes you uncomfortable that she is so affectionate with your son.

Answer 11

I don't think you are insinuating that your friend is a perv but that she gives you a weird feeling, I've had that feeling before when certain people are around my son.  I just never leave him alone with them and if they start getting too touchy with him I just tell them that he doesn't like to be held or touched very much.  I think you should listen to your motherly instinct, it's there for a reason so use it.  Don't be afraid to say something, who cares what people think, your child should come first.  It's better to be too careful than not careful enough.  Usually a child that is molested is being molested by someone really close to the family which is why I pay extra attention to everyone around my child, I don't care who it is.  Maybe your friend is just very loving, I have an aunt that is like that with my son but she's been like that since I was a little girl and love that about her....but if you don't feel comfortabe then you don't feel comfortable and that's that.

Answer 12

Okay, after reading a few of the answers, I am just going to say this.  I have learned as mother to always trust my instincts.  If your gut is telling you something is wrong, say something.  It should not end a friendship.  Just explain to her that you would appreciate her not spoiling him.  Don't come off as you think she is predator like, but more like she is spoiling him.  It won't be as offensive.  And if she wigs out, something was wrong with her..  If not, you will be more comfortable when she comes over.  I think it is a win-win situation, but no matter what you do, your baby will love you and you sound like a great mom.  Keep up the good work.

Answer 13

Get over yourself! She is not a perv. Maybe she can't have kids?  Also, if you were smart you'd use her as a babysitter. She doesn't want your little brat

*edit* Well if you have such a big problem with it why don't you just tell her. Or not let her see your son? But get ready to lose a friend.

Answer 14

Some people show more affection than others. Obviously you are a person who does not show a lot of affection, and your friend is someone who shows a lot of affection. You're seeing problems where there are none. Hugging a kissing the baby of a friend is a perfectly normal thing to do. If anything, maybe this says something about you.

e- The difference between the situation with you and your mom's friends and with your son and your friend is that your son is a baby and you are an adult. Kissing adults is one thing, kissing babies is another.