My friend is very self centered. How can I bring this up without hurting her feelings. ?

Question

Whenever we are talking she never asks anything about how my day was or anything my life in general. However she expects me to listen to her telling me the most insignificant things about her life (i.e. the thought process behind the color she chose for her fingernails, how she forgot to make her bed this morning, why she likes it when she gets to sit on the loveseat in her living room better than the big couch) I mean she talks about very dull boring things that I simply don't care about.

I'm not trying to be mean. I just wish she would ask how I was feeling every once in a while instead of making me listening to every aspect of her life. She is a great friend, but I sometimes feel worthless when I talk to her, because she never seems to want to talk about me.

How can I casually mention to her that I matter just as much as she does? I don't want to upset her because she sometimes overreacts and I don't want to lose a good friend.

ONE LAST THING - Please don't say that she's not a good friend and that I shouldn't hang out with her anymore. We have a lot of good times together, it's just this one thing that frustrates me.

Answer 1

ok look for that advice go here...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pn_41CZgt...

its a video on how to do it

Answer 2

This ONE thing that frustrates you, is kind of one of the main foundations for a good friendship. Sorry, but you can have fun with pretty much anyone. If they don't have an interest in your life and don't care (which it sounds like that's how you feel) then they're more an acquaintance then anything.

I'm not saying you shouldn't hang out with her anymore, but it sounds like you're expecting more from her then what she's capable or willing to give. I guess it's just a matter now of prioritizing her according to what you get from her.

Answer 3

I have been in this situation. If she says "ohh my day was boring!" Say Oh yea mine was good. Do you want to hear about it?  Make efforts to speak about yourself a little bit more. But this is not just going to go away on its own. You should calmly say to her "You know we have been really great friends for a while and i would really appriciate it if you asked me how my day was" I'm sure she'll understand. Good luck!

Answer 4

if you guys are true friends then if you bring it up, yes you will get in a big argument but it should be better in the end. But if you just keep this in and never tell her, your just goin to blow up on her one day, which will probably mean you will loose your friendship.

Answer 5

"Hey, can you be a good friend to me and listen to what happened to me instead of something petty?  I have something important I want to tell you and you make it hard by what you do?"  And then explain that she has become very self-centered lately and its hard to talk to her because she doesn't listen

Answer 6

Friends are the people who will tell you something that nobody else will. They are brutally honest and are there to make you a better person. Just tell her you need to talk to her, and let her know what you think. it will probably hurt her feelings, but if she can't see that you are just trying to help her then you don't really want her as a friend.

Answer 7

I've had a friend like this for seven years but she is much improved due to my reminders!  I was telling her something which I felt needed a bit further discussion and thought she would pick up the threads to probe into this when I stopped speaking. Instead, she began telling me about one of the waste of time subjects you mentioned.  I said, "Excuse me, please, but my reason for telling you about such and such is because I wished further discussion of it and hoped you would give me your opinions and comments".  In ten seconds, she had forgotten what I said so I repeated most of it and said, "Now - I'm ready to hear your in-depth comments and opinions".   She did pick up on it and continued on the subject I had introduced.  Now, when she does this, I say, "You're doing it, again" or, when I know after 5 mins. that she's about to launch into a 15-min. discussionof her visit to the hairdresser, the magazine she read, the haircut .... (aagh), I give her a fews mins. then, interrupt saying, "I, really, look forward to seeing your new hairstyle but I'm, honestly not interested in a long discussion about it  so, may we please move on to another subject?".  I, now, know her well enough to be able to 'cut her off at the pass' when the subject matter is about to head into trivial so suggest you attempt to do the same.  Of course, the advantage I have, over you, is that I'm 71 and have learned how to be semi-insulting in a semi-gracious manner!  (To date, haven't lost any friends...)

Answer 8

Sit her down and first of all- start out gently and nicely.  Tell her you love hanging out with her, that she is your best friend and always will be.  Then-  tell her because you value your friendship, you are going to be honest and tell her how she is making you feel.  Be open, kind, and honest.  No insults.  If she values your friendship, she will listen.  Hope this helps!

Answer 9

Well, maybe you can try not saying anything back when she talks.  Maybe your silence will give her a clue.  At some point she will realize that you aernt responding and wonder what is going on.  

Answer 10

see that's the thing about women.....you will be the nicest person trying to help your best friend but she'll still think you're a b*tch for bringing it up, EVEN though you're trying to help her. I think you're stuck and don't say anything. OR how about this? Both of you get drunk, say it to her face, and just tell her it was the boos talkin.

Answer 11

Just do it.. It will get out of control if you don't and you'll end up resenting her anyway!!

Answer 12

This is always hard to do but you be the one to intiate the conversations and at least you will get a few times here and there to talk about you.  Other than that just be honest and tell her how you feel.  If she is a true friend she will know you still care about her and realize what she does.