My friend just found out her parents have been divorced, but living together, for the past 9 years...help!?

Question

Is this going to have a lasting, devastating effect on her? What kind of help does she need from me?

They got divorced when she was very young but kept it under wraps so she could grow up with both parents in the home. She started HS this week and they sat her down and explained it was time for daddy to move out. She asked if they were getting divorced and they explained they already were.

Answer 1

What she needs you to do is be supportive and listen to her.

That's an awful thing they did. It would have been much easier to tell her when she was younger!!

Answer 2

thats really odd. what is the point of a divorce if your still going to live together and pretend to be married? All i can tell you is be there for her if she needs you.

Answer 3

Yes, "be there" is vague, but what do you want, a step by step guide to comforting a friend? It wont help becuase we don't know her, or how she's taking this. Several of my friends parents have gotten divorced when they left home, and they found it very hard for some weeks and needed sympathy, comfort and someone to ***** too. But no, it's unlikely to have a lasting effect on her unless she lets it. She will be upset, but hopefully should eventually accept this.

You have to *respond* to your friends situation and emotions. Which means thinking on your feet. She can respond in any one of a hundred possible ways. But, in the great world of problems, your parents divorcing, and protecting you from it, is *much* less harmful than divorcing you and fighting over you (or worse, who has to have you) and complaining about each other.

Answer 4

I went thru the same thing. lol. except my parents were only seperated. but i got ovr it... lol. it will b ok... u just need to be there for her to talk to and chill with. its not everlasting. it will b alrite

Answer 5

First of all how old is your friend?

If she's 13 or so, it may be particularly hard because it's a hard age. You could try talking with her, but only if she wants to... Just ask her what can you do for her, she'll tell you what she needs.

Try not to say generic sentences like 'I'm here for you' or 'If you ever need to talk' because that could annoyed her. Just show that you are sincere and really want to help her.

I understand how the whole "be there for her" may be awefully vague, but I'm afraid it's the only thing you can do. You can't make her parents come back together, but you can help her get through it... Spend time together, have a good laugh, do fun stuff, or just be by her side.  

Answer 6

If they've been divorced for 9 years, it's obviously not a loving marriage, so she may have had a sense that this wasn't the greatest of marriages anyway.  I think she'll be okay.  The shock of hearing this I'm sure is tough to take, but she'll be alright in the long run.  

Just be there for her if she needs to talk or vent -- make yourself available and call her frequently to just chat.  I wish her the best luck, and that her father still stays close in her life.