My friends baby passed away yesterday. How can I help her?

Question

my friend and her husband's baby passed away yesterday. right now they are telling them it is most likely SIDS. but its esp. hard for her because she was always told by doctors that she couldnt get pregnant and when she finally did the first time she had a miscarriage. and now this is happening to her. they are young [only 22]

what can i do to help them??

Answer 1

be there for them but also give them space let them know that if they need you you will be there. this is a really hard time for them and they will need time to get angry, cry, and think.

Answer 2

Be there when they need you and not when they don`t,,no words will help,,nor time or love,,support will though

Answer 3

First of all recognize that there really is nothing you can do. Second, try to help them out do what ever is needed , even if its just to help field calls and guests. Get them what they need, plus help if they need errands done that dont have to do with the baby. Contact a place and get some memorial stuff done for them, ie jewelry, or something engraved with the baby's name . It will help.IF you are a woman, just let the wife cry on your shoulder. If you are a guy, be an ear for the guy to talk to since the wife  prob cant listen much now.YOu are good.

Answer 4

so sorry to hear that.  Just try to think how you would want your friend to act if it was your baby that passed away.

Be there for them, but don't try to make it better.  You need to allow your friend to grieve.  I suggest you do some research into  the stages of grief (denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance) so that you can recognize the different stages that your friends will go thru.  

It may be wise to contact a grief/bereavement counselor for yourself to help you process your own emotions and to learn how to support your friends at this tragic time.

Answer 5

do the little things that may seem trivial. dont get yourself involved in funeral arrangements or anything to do with the baby. let them do that in their own time.

take the rubbish out, cook a meal, vaccum, clean the bathroom - see where im going with this?

they need to eat, although they wont want to and they need a clean living environment although it will seem trivial.

and just let them know you are there whether they want to talk, cry, shout, go for a walk, drive etc.

Answer 6

i think you just have to be there for them.  let them know how sorry you are and that you're there if they need you.

there are often local groups that offer support for parents in this situation - a local gp may have details for your area.

Answer 7

Gosh, I am sooo sorry for their loss, I know what it feels like in a way because when i was a young girl, my little brother died of cot death at 3 and a half months, it was a really hard time for us all especially my mum!!! There isn't much that you can really do apart from be there for them and be strong for them, they will want to blame someone so just be prepared and stick around!!!!! Give them as much comfort as you can, if you are are very close friend you will realise when to give them a little space so that your friend and partner can grieve together, which they will need at some point, as you do hear allot that couples fall apart from something like this, which i obviously hope doesn't happen!!! I wish them all the best for the future :) x

Answer 8

Be there for her emotionally and pratically help wish washing cooking shopping e.t.c listen to her dont judge be a friend i would be so lost and angry if it was me.

Answer 9

You can be a good friend and be there when she needs to cry, and leave when she needs to be alone.

On a more practical level, you could do other stuff for her, like get shopping, pay bills etc, because she probably won't want to go out anywhere or see anyone for a bit yet.

I really feel for your friend and her husband, it's so sad :-(

Answer 10

im sorry. i know exactly how you feel. my 7 month old neice also passed away yesterday. the best thing is to be there for them; a shoulder to cry on.

Answer 11

Sorry. You sound like a marvellous friend - and I don't just chuck the word marvellous at anyone. I don't know mate. Maybe ask them. I'm tempted to suggest that you should move in with them for a while but that might interrupt their own personal grieving process.

That's a tough situation - maybe you could do practical stuff like the shopping or cooking.

My heart goes out to you and I will light a candle in the church for you, them and the baby. I'm not a religious person but I hope the knowledge that candles are burning for you in the Notre Dame church in London's Leicester Square brings some form of support and comfort.

Answer 12

My oldest son passed away when he was 3 weeks old and its

harder that words can explain. But there is always going to be a whole in my heart for him. Same with your friend the best sugg I can give is be there when your needed and let them have there room to. But sometime (weeks or even longer ) down the road  Sometimes it was nice to have a "normal" conversation. I know that I didn't want to do anything for weeks(I lived at the cemetery)  Had no interest in support groups face to face but maybe a couple of weeks from now you can sugg on-line grief support also some support groups will just send out little caring notes every month. Sometimes that helps. After some time passes maybe plant a special plant for the babe, memory walks, celebrate b-days We like to write little notes and put them in balloons and let them go at the cemetery (we tell our kids the notes are going to heaven for brother) As for right now just be there with lots of tissues!!!!!!! Hope I've help and I wish you & your friend the best of luck.

But PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE don't mention adoption not now anyway ( I'm not against, its just nows NOT the time!)

Answer 13

sorry that this happened to ur friend.....my friend recently had a miscariage to.........the best thing I could say is just be there for her.....u kno, a listening ear or even go by her house and just check on her. She might just want to shut her self out from everyone so she could deal with it her self for a while......That is how my friend was......I was there in whatever she needed....

Answer 14

just be there for her so she can cry, shout talk to you,

Let her get it all out.  My friends baby passed away 2 years ago from cancer and i know you feel helpless but i done the same. I just let them cry on my shoulder, scream shout and talk about things, in a very sad situation like this there is not really much more you can do.

Just being there for her will be a great help. xxxxxx

Answer 15

I think just being there right now is what they will need.  Someone to lean on, cry with and just listen to them...Lots of hugs (if they're affectionate type people)...more than anything PRAYER...Is what will get them through this...because that is one of the most horrible things to have to go through...Just be there to help her around the house...people will most likely be in and out until after the funeral...make sure she at least tries to drink something to keep her from dehydrating...and a little food to keep her strength up for the next few days....and when everyone is gone be sure to continue to check on them....God is the only one who controls life and death...and this is when we have to lean not unto our own understanding but trust God...He knows the plans he has for each of us...There was some reason why God called that little one home so soon...I know it is painful for them but God is their only answer...They must lean totally on God and his Infinite wisdom...He saw something down the road apparently...He sees the whole picture...and when we can't feel His hand we must trust His heart...My Prayers are with them too...God Bless....HH

Answer 16

Just be there.

Edit:  They must be allowed to get their anger out.

Only time will heal slightly.

Answer 17

Just be a good listener and let them know that you are there for them.  My condolences on the loss of their baby.  I know it doesn't take away the pain of losing one but they are in heaven now where their no more pain or suffering.  They will see their baby again.

Answer 18

Help them and be there for them. It's what you do naturally if someone is close to you and is in need of help.

Answer 19

In a situation like this you should do a lot of listening. Let them know that you are there for them. Let them know that you will be there to help them through this trying time. If there is some rote thing you can do that would make their life easier, you should do that. Try asking them if you could do their laundry for a couple of weeks. I know if I were in a horrible situation like that; I would appreciate the laundry getting done by my friends. Its the little things you do that help the most. That's all I can think of at the moment.

Good Luck.