My future brother in law is jealous of my fiance and I?

Question

I just recently got engaged a few months ago and i am the happiest i have ever been, but with a few issues that we're having, one of them is my fiance's older brother. He is jealous of us. i treat my fiance like royalty, i take care of him when is sick, i cook for him, i wash his clothes i basically make him feel like a king. reason why i think he is jealous is because he just went through a broken engagement and i know he is jealous because he tries to get my fiance to leave me and whenever we talk about the wedding with the family, he cuts us off and starts talking about his own life or just rolls his eyes and acts like he is going to puke. My fiance has tried to talk to him about that he is even considering having him as the best man but he just tends to show off in front of everyone even his parents! When i tried to talk to him he says i'm delusional! i really don't want these negative vibes going on because we have enough with my mom and his dad not approving of our engagement because we are an interracial couple and we don't need anymore of that. this is suppose to be a happy time not sad. What can we do to stop his jealousy? it seems like he's embarrassed by the fact that his younger brother who is 7 years younger is getting married before him and that's why he is jealous. what can i do to end his jealous emotion and actions, please help!

Answer 1

Not up to you to fix him.

Hold your head high and be there for the one you love. Prove, don't say, that you are in this for the right reasons and other people can't influence you.

If you aren't complaining and telling tales on him to your fiance, then his brother's complaints will be obviously unjustified where if you push back your fiance will feel caught between 2 people both of whom he cares about and both of whom are being unreasonable about the other.

Just turn aside his eye-rolling or interruptions with pity and patience, not anger. He is mad and jealous, and probably wants to believe if HE couldn't get it right then NOBODY can and that falling in love is a sucker's game. Not your problem what he believes, you can't repair him and chasing after him for approval just makes you look desparate so walk away.

Answer 2

Sorry to hear about the friction with family members.

You and your beloved have your hands full.  If he doesn't believe there is an issue then all you can do is make sure he knows you're looking to him to manage his brother.

Please remember that what others think of you, or of your relationship, is just what they think.  If you don't have others' approval you're not going to die.  That doesn't mean you thumb your nose or go around with a chip on your shoulder, it just means: learn to be serene in the face of others' peculiarities.  If you back up a ways from it, the petulance you're describing is sad and amusing.  Nothing to be bent out of shape about.

Answer 3

I think you should hook him up with someone who he is really attracted to. Because apparently he is really lonely - Some times it just take a person willing to help another person. Instead of concentrating solely in your wedding {which is only hard to do if you are a bride zilla  =) } Try and sincerely to help him find someone, a good pick that you think is a great idea, because it's apparent that you know him quite well and I think you would pick him some one that he could actually get to know, and possible have a wedding of his own, because God really loves marriages, its a beautiful ocassion.

Answer 4

um, your not being completely truthful here, according to your other questions it sounds like your in laws including your brother in law  have a problem with you NOT being muslim since you are marrying into a muslim family!

You make it sound like its ALL about you! There are lots of family members who will be affected and you should be more understanding of their feelings.

Answer 5

Unfortunately, there is not very much at all you can do.  In fact, you are better off saying nothing whatever to him.  Your fiancee has to protect you when it comes to his family and you'll need to do the same for him relative to your family.  If the two brothers can talk (as opposed to speaking words to each other) your guy may be able to get his brother off his goofy kick.  In that regard, it will help if your guy lets his brother express that he knows that he understands the hurt, anger, and bad feelings his brother is experiencing.  

Answer 6

<<i treat my fiance like royalty, i take care of him when is sick, i cook for him, i wash his clothes i basically make him feel like a king.>>

Frankly, this would make ME puke. Your fiance is not helpless.  

I think you have more problems than your fiance's brother.  If the people you are around act like cretins when you talk wedding plans, get the hint and stop talking about those plans around them.

Answer 7

The answer to the question, What can I(you) do?  is:NOTHING!

It is not up to you.  It is up to your fiance; this is his brother making you unhappy.  He should take him somewhere private and speak to him forcefully about how he is disrespecting you and he will not tolerate it.End of story. He needs to stick up for you and your future family to this idiot!

AND, does he live with the family or something?  Why is he privy to all the wedding information & conversations?  He's just the brother!  Don't talk about the wedding in front of him or to him anymore.  

I think in the end it's your fiance's decision on whether or not he's in the wedding party or not, but you should make it clear to your fiance that you do not want this guy making your day miserable.  If that means he doesn't participate or even come, then so be it.

If he is in the wedding party, I would recommend hiring at least a day-of coordinator to help you.  She/he can be a great help in situations like this; it's been my experience that most people do not act out as much in front of a stranger who is in charge.  Make sure to find a person who doesn't have a problem taking charge of the situation if it should arise.  Make sure you tell her/him of the potential problems in detail, before the wedding.

Good luck to you!

Answer 8

Men often aren't jealous because they are not married...its usually vice versa.  Are you sure he is actually jealous, you say that both sides of the family don't agree with the marriage.  Maybe he also doesn't agree with it.  You can't change the way people feel.  Just make the best of your situation

Answer 9

Wow. That is ridiculous. You have enough going on, and don't need your fiance's brother telling him that he should leave you. Ask your fiance how he feels about this. And then the two of you need to sit down with him and let him know what you need from him... even if it is to sit down and shut up. He has no right to do this to you and you would never consider doing this to him. You can't really stop him unfortunately... but you can make sure that he is not going to ruin your day up on the alter and put him in the seats. This is ridiculous and you need to let him know that he is being a child. Period the end.