My future husband has extensive debt I am wondering how much will this impact us when we get married. ?

Question

My future husband has 25k in credit card debt. He relocated and purchased a new house about 7 months ago and has called it our home from the very beginning. He seemed to be very organized. I recently learned that he co-signed a 30K loan for an ex-girlfriend. Guess what, she is late every month on her payments. I am have been waiting several months for my transfer to go through. It has been very stressful. He is now experiencing financial trouble, oh he is working alright. He just didn't do his homework. He counted on me to help pay for some of the bills. I have my own bills at my present home! He finally confessed that the monthly credit card bills add up to the monthly mortgage payments! I am here thinking am I nuts? I have gained 25lbs with all the stress that I am going through, at times I feel obligated to go through this. He gets upset when I mention all the financial problems. I am at a loss.

Answer 1

Please take a step back and look at this logically...maybe on paper.  It is ironic that you have gained a pound for every 1K in his credit card debt.  When things don't sit well with you, listen to your gut.  Facts: He owes 25K, probably at a high interest rate, has a house note, bills, cosign equals responsible for 30K  that equals more than 55k in debt you are as a single woman not responsible for.  Of course he gets upset when you mention the financial problems...because they are at present HIS problems.  He will not change when you marry..only they will be BOTH your problems.  Honey, let him go.  You said, "I am at a loss."  You will be..if you marry him..you need to be at a loss and run from him as fast as you can.  He will ruin you financially and you do not need to be responsible for him or his debt.  Back out now!

Answer 2

So dump him.  But then who will blame getting fat on?  Maybe you can find another guy first so you don't have to take responsibility for that either.

Answer 3

It'll cause you a huge amount of stress. Do you really want to go through with this. I would only marry him after he gets his finances straightened out.

Answer 4

I think you need to seriously consider your situation and if you really want to marry this man, I personally would run in the other direction, he's bad news.

Answer 5

his debt will become your debt.  I would tell him to pay the credit card debt down to 10k before getting married.  He will need to get his name off the ex's loan.  Every time she is late on a payment he is.  So, his credit will be marked.  Bad credit can make you pay more in the future.  I would stay on him everyday until his name is off that loan.  A good way to help with the credit card debt is take advantage of the 0% intro rate.  transfer all the debt to the 0% card and lower the payment and debt.  when that cards 0% runs out apply for another 0% card.  Do this until the debt is gone.  Then have a credit card only for emergencies.    Point is, you don't want to start a marriage in debt,creditors calling,stressful.  Marriage should be happy not h**l.  hope I could help. good luck  

Answer 6

I wish you would consider thinking "if" instead of "when" you get married.

Your future husband sounds much like my ex-wife, except that she was not as deeply in debt when I met her 20some years ago.  I paid off her thousands in debt and she made excuses about how it was a one-time thing.  It wasn't a one-time thing for her, I could have seen that in hindsight, and your fiance is waving great big red flags in your face that read, "I AM FINANCIALLY IRRESPONSIBLE BEYOND YOUR WILDEST DREAMS!".  Or at least beyond my wildest dreams - cosigning a 30K loan for an ex? Yeesh.

My ex-wife spent every penny that came in for 20 years and a thousand extra most months for luck.  Now we are in our 50s.  We have no retirement fund to speak of; when we divorced a few years ago we had enough to live on for one year.  I'm trying desperately to save enough to retire on in 10 years, and I don't see how I can make it.  We saved nothing for college for our kids, two of whom are college-aged.  We saved nothing for our daughters' weddings.  The only money we could save was what I could keep out of her reach - in home equity and retirement - and that wasn't so much.

In divorce, she needed the lawyers who charge tens of thousands of dollars neither of us had. Since divorce, she has run herself into enough debt to be unable to get credit cards anymore.  She's decided to get a second house with her first one not sold.   She will be poor all her life, but more importantly - so will I, and so will our children until they start making a living.

I'm not saying this is how your future husband's spending habits will affect your life.  Just that this is how someone with somewhat less dramatic spending habits affected my life.  I'm glad to be starting over, even without the money I'd like to have saved, because I'm happier since I divorced.  But I would not have planned life this way, and finances were a huge stress on our marriage.

Answer 7

All of it...My son got married to one of those type, too...They have since divorced...I would decline his marriage proposal immediately...And regain your self respect...He would end up just being a loser...And find a man with self respect for you, too...

Answer 8

When you marry someone, you are legally attaching his debt, family, pets, health, poor judgment and financial weight to yourself. Your money and lives become mixed together and VERY difficult to separate after that.

You are not handling stress well, eating your way through this, so you can' t hear the bells and whistles going off for the munching and crunching.

The answer is you both will be over $25K in debt if you marry.

My best advice? Do not do it... yet. Let him dig himself out of debt, and dangle marriage at the end of your stick. Let him set himself on a budget, and make payments or go bankrupt or whatever he plans on doing--including messing with his ex-gf and her loan. YOU stay out of it.

And don't donate any money to HIS problems. Donate to your problems.  Join a gym. Take care of yourself.

When he figures out that he made his bed and you are going to hold him accountable and not bail him out--after you had to wrangle the truth out of him--he will be angry and try to guilt and manipulate you into marriage--using the purchase of "your" house.

If you let him finagle you into marriage, assuming his debt and handling it by eating your way out of your wedding dress, then you are not mature enough to GET MARRIED.

Answer 9

The fact that he gets upset when you bring up the financial problems is a bad sign. When two people are planning to get married they HAVE to discuss and plan for their financial future.

First, the house he bought: Did you help pay for it? Is your name on the deed? If not, then no, you should not be responsible for the some or any of the bills unless you are living there. It sounds like you are living in your own home. If I were you I would stay there.

Second, what in the heck was he thinking co-signing a loan for an ex? That is also a bad sign. Did he think they were going to get married when he did this? Was he just being a good friend? Whatever the reason, this shows really poor judgment. No offense to your guy. If I were you, I wouldn't marry or give money to this person until you both figure out this whole financial situation. The last thing you want to do to your stress level or your credit rating is get involved with someone and become legally attached to someone who can potentially drag you down.

You need to urge him to talk to a financial counselor who can help him sort out his debt and figure out the best way for him to make payments. He should also look into the co-signed loan and see if he is able to get his name (and liability) off of it. Especially if she isn't making payments. Then again, perhaps he should look into why she can't keep her end of the bargain. Again, what in the heck was he thinking.

Regardless of what he does, please don't rush into some sort of  financial relationship with him until you know all the facts. And if he gets angry when you talk about something as important as your financial future, are you sure the guy is really the one for you?

Answer 10

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Answer 11

Yes. It needs to be resolved BEFORE you marry. It will definitely destroy the relationship.

Answer 12

You say that at times you feel obligated to go through this, why?   What did you do to deserve to be saddled with all that debt? Those weren't your decisions.  Life is hard enough for all of us, there is never a reason to take on the burden of someone else's folly.  That's for him to carry.

There are two problems here.  Not only has he extensive debt that will cause him to be completely unable to contribute anything economically to your future with him, he also hasn't been very upfront with you.  

It appears that he has disclosed his debt in pieces to you, leaving you with another surprise to learn as you get to know him more.  Whatever other surprises await you once you are tied to him?  He also apparently believes that you are his economic lifeline and will thus pick up where he can't financially.

I'd back out of this one.  He needs to see a credit counselor immediately.  They can help to negotiate with the credit card companies on his behalf for lower or no interest and work with his other creditors as well.  They will also make him get his head on straight about how he makes financial decisions.  

Possibly if you want to wait to see if there's hope, you can tell him no go for now and that he needs to see a credit counselor.  Go with him to the first few appointments to see if there is hope for him to have his debt manageable in a year or two.  

His ability to follow through with their program will indicate to you if he's mature enough to be a good mate for you.  Also, you will need some objective opinion as to his prospect of future stability and how long down the road that is.

Or you could chose to forgo all this and scrap the relationship at this point. Its entirely up to you and how much time you want to invest with this guy.  One thing for sure, I would recommend not committing to him in anyway until he makes an effort to put himself back on track.

Answer 13

if you marry him his debt becomes your debt even if it was incurred before you met him and even if it is in his name.

Call off the wedding

Answer 14

You got lots of answers, they are basically all the same.  Please listen to the advice or you will be very very sorry in the future. This will be a financial disaster for you one day.   If you love him and want to be with him, fine - but at least dont get legally married.  Once you do that, you pretty much will have to bail him out.  All of the creditors are going to be breathing down your neck as his legal wife.  why would you even want to deal with it, to try and fight the debts that have nothing to do with you? It is not worth it.  Just tell him that he needs to deal with his financial problems before taking a major step like marriage.  That may hold him off until you get the courage to make the big break

Answer 15

think of how much happier BOTH of you all would be once the bills are reduced drastically!! That financial stuff is a lot to deal with at the beginning of the marriage and no telling when it will get better because that's what you would be starting out with. AND, WHAT IN THE h**l IS HE DOING CO-SIGNING WITH A d**n EX GIRLFRIEND....

so that's how we do things now,,,always lend a helping hand to the EXES?!? yeah she screwed him over with that one especially since she is LATE on the payments and HE IS ALREADY BE-HIND ON HIS OWN DEBT....ummm NO NO NO NO NO!!!

HE shouldn't expect you to come in and rescue his financial strains THAT HE CAUSED ON HIS OWN for the sake of "yall wanting to get married" that is immature...does he really want to marry you or does he want you to pay his BILLS BILLS BILLS?

Answer 16

his debt will be your debt if you get married, it's just not worth it.

Answer 17

i have been married for five years to a guy with extensive debt boy let me tell you it has been h**l!!! b/c it was taking the majority off our money to get these bills paid off there has been arguement after argument now that was for the first 2 years of marriage it was rough but now things are on the brighter side. the stress was tremendous we were headed to divorce court very often but we decided to hang in there and push through it and i kinda glad i did. (ADVICE) make him pay off those bills or at least down do not let him sign his name no where for anymore money b/c he will be in debt for the rest of his life and yours to if u marry him now. what helped me and the hubby was cccs (credit counselor consumer servises) google the name. but b4 marriage need to be on the way to financial freedom and tell him to control his money better i had to stay on my hubby alot felt like his mother but we paid off down to 4 credit cards as oppose to 8-9 thank god.

Answer 18

Alot!  When you get married his debt becomes your debt.  Do not get married until this mess is GONE.  Marriage is hard enough.