My g*y partner has asked me to marry him; my family disapproves. What do I do?

Question

I'm African-American and my partner, whom is Irish, wants us to marry in California, the sooner the better. We love each other very much and have been together for nearly ten years. I'm 'out' to my family (he has no living relatives) and have asked them to share in our joy. A few have embraced this; most refuse. The disapproval of our relationship stems, in part, to him being White; closer to the truth however, they simply don't approve of our 'lifestyle'. I find this hurtful because I really want them to be a part of something that is deeply meaningful to both of us. What can I say or do to get them to reconsider, in addition to finally accepting my partner of so many years? He's a wonderful human being and I couldn't ask for a better person to share my life with.

Answer 1

If you're really as happy as you say you are with him then you should do what your heart tells you. I'm sure you know that you can't let others live your life and make choices for you. Have you explained how you feel about him? and how happy you are together?You can't make them accept. Hopefully they'll come around, but if you said you've been together for 10 years and they still don't accept him it may be tough. But they're missing out on something important in your life. At least some have embraced and accepted your relationship.  

Answer 2

Marry him anyway, so what if your family doesn't accept it

Answer 3

It's your life; live it as you see fit. I understand your desire to have your family there, but if they choose not to or are "uncomfortable" with it, they will be the ones missing out. You can't control how others feel or react and the fact that they would boycott your marriage as some "statement" indicates they are selfish and not willing to step out of their own comfort zone for the benefit of someone else. Even someone in their own family. That's just sad. BUt don't begrudge them their shortcomings. They are, after all, human beings and they have their faults.

Go and get married! Invite those who WILL support you and your partner and CELEBRATE your union. Congratulations and may you find your bliss together!

Answer 4

i say fucckk them

do what makes u happy, it's ur life, not theirs. if they're so stupid as to disaprove of something ur doing, the n they obviously have no life of their own.

best of luck to you do. i wish u all the happiness on earth.

Answer 5

if i was asked to marry the one i love

i would do it in a heartbeat

weather my family approved or not becuz i love her and im not going to let my life revolve round what my family thinks is "rite and wrong"

so if i were you i would marry him, but do wut U think is rite, not wut ur family thinks is rite

hope this helps :D

Answer 6

Follow your dreams and your heart. Only you can know what kind of person your partner is, and if he is worthy of your love. I applaud you and wish you much happiness in your future. True love is hard to find, so when you are fortunate enough to embrace it, take it, and never let it go. Everyone else will  just have to deal with it. Much Love!!!!!

Can I come to your wedding?

Answer 7

If they haven't accepted your partner and orientation after being together for ten years then there is nothing you can do to change them now. Invite the family members that are happy and excited for the two of you and proceed with your beautiful wedding plans. I wish you both happiness and a blessed future.

L

Answer 8

You shouldn't allow your family to veto your life.

Realize that the few who do show up will be blessed in your joy, and will carry back the report of your great happiness to the rest of the family.

In time, when you as a couple and he as an individual show yourselves to remain helpful and a blessing to your family, they will finally realize how good it really is and will tolerate your relationship.  Over more time, most of them will finally grasp that they should embrace you both.

Cultural homophobia is dreadfully hard to shake.  People have to re-examine everything in order to get over it, and that is a challenge not everyone is willing or able to meet.  If it had not been for the truth of my own g*y feelings that I could not escape, I would still be brimming over with internalized homophobia and self-loathing.  I had to experience a breakdown in order to get over it, re-think my beliefs, and work through it to a new life.

I now welcome myself as a g*y man loved by God, but it wasn't easy.

If it took me decades to do this, don't expect your relatives will embrace this even in a year or two.  But as they see your constancy over the years, they may well finally be convinced.

In the meantime, I'll provide a good site for you relating to family acceptance.

And -- marry this wonderful man whom you love so deeply.  The ones who are there will be glad.

Answer 9

It's YOUR life, if you want to marry him, then marry him. No one can stop you. If your family truly loves you then tell them this is what you want and they should be happy for you. Remind them that families are supposed to support each other. Also, remind them that your sexual orientation has NOTHING to do with the person you are. Not all straight people are the same and not all g*y/lesbians are the same. It doesn't matter who you are attracted to, it matters who you are. Hopefully they can look past your orientation/his race and support you as a person.

Answer 10

Do what YOU want to do, not what your family wants you to do. If you're ready to take your relationship to the next level, then do so. If your family can't accept that, it's THEIR loss, and not yours. Eventually they'll come around, it just takes a while for them to get used to this idea. One day they'll regret not being part of this.

Congratulations by the way. :)

Answer 11

Who are you living for? You or your family?

Do what makes you happy! Good luck & God bless! <3

They'll deal with it, and eventually just accept it...

Answer 12

Well if they don't want to come there, there is no forcing them.

I think the racism is a little ridiculous. But honestly you should just sit down your mom (or whoever is disapproving) and ask them what is so wrong with coming to your wedding. Try to resolve any doubts and remind them that it is only going to happen once, and that they'll regret not taking part.

I wish you luck.

Answer 13

You need to marry the man you love and not worry about your family. The one's who love you will be their to support you at the alter.