My gf's family wants an expensive wedding?

Question

My gfs family wants an elaborate wedding with all the bells and whistles. However, I really don't want to spend thousands of dollars. I am not that old yet and the money I have saved up is for a new apt, furnishings for the house, baby items (my gfs pregnant), and everything we need to get started. I am not sure if they expect me to pay for all this? They have not really mentioned it. But I certainly can't afford it. I don't want to insult anyone. Getting my honey's dad to agree to the wedding was a major undertaking in itself. I practically had to beg. How should I handle this? Unfortunately, my parents are gone so I can't ask them for help. They won't be attending the wedding. My mother is dead and my dad is in the Middle East somewhere. I am on my own, I ain't poor. I have a decent job and some money saved but no credit cards. What should I do?

Answer 1

Honestly the best way is to talk it out. Let them know where your standing on the topic. Also, I'm pretty sure there are places you can find with wedding items at budget prices. You just have to look around. I personally don't think extravagant materials are a major part of the wedding. As long as you both have a memorable and happy wedding.

Answer 2

The brides family usually pays for the wedding but it's always changing. I would just talk to your girlfriend and say if we have to pay for it then we can only afford a small wedding.

Just be honest and tell them- We don't have the money.

Answer 3

Well, it's YOURS and your fiancee's wedding, right?  It is totally up to you how you want to plan it!

Answer 4

The cost of the wedding is traditionally the responsibility of the Brides parents

Answer 5

If your gf is willing, it can be easily accomplised without any extra cost. What is necessary that you should have the wedding registration fee and that's all!

Make a discussion with your gf and enjoy an easy life...

Answer 6

You can have a very nice wedding for little money, But if your soon to be in laws insist them politely tell them that you would love to take their suggestions but you can't afford it. My husband and I did it that way and still had a great church wedding and reception.

Answer 7

I had the cheapest wedding you can have and me and my husband love each other so much and I really don't see us getting divorced, we are going on 6 years together.  All my friends who had big weddings, are divorced or are having problems it seems like.  Spend the money on a good honeymoon so you have something to remember when you have kids and can't go anywhere, or put the money towards a house so you can start a life together.  A big wedding isn't neccessary, especially if your fiance isn't pushing for it.

Answer 8

Your girlfriend and you need to decide what kind of wedding is appropriate for you.  Together, inform her family of your decision.  If they wish to help, they will offer.  Otherwise, the expense is on you, so don't let them bully you into putting yourself in debt.

Answer 9

It your wedding and your fincee's wedding. No one else's, not even her family. You two should decide what you want to do and what you can afford. Her family shouldn't have any influence in the decision.  

Answer 10

you should talk this through with your girlfriend tell her how your feeling about this ... explain you dont want to spend loads on the wedding because having money for a marriage is just as important ..she will understand unless she also wants the big wedding.

Answer 11

You need to find out what they want from you and how much. Unfortunately, you may need to dip into the apt furnishing $ a little. The baby stuff is essential and so is the $ for a new apt. You also may need to confess the truth that you are financially not able to support a crazy wedding. Don't lie; they'll just get you off to a bad start.  

Answer 12

Talk it over with your fiance, I'm assuming she has a similar mindset as you?? If the family makes comments about this several thousand dollar dress and spending hundreds on flowers, just smile and make a joke about it. Laugh it off and say something like, yeah those are the centerpieces we're getting if you're paying for it! Instead of making it uncomfortable, you've made it joke they will think about. Then maybe they'll offer up the help. Otherwise, by laughing about it, they don't think you're being cheap and stuck-up; you're being frugal and wise. Congrats!

Answer 13

Luckey for you, it's the bride's parents that cover a majority of the expense. You/your family should, traditionally, only pay for the rehearsal dinner and booze at the wedding.  

Answer 14

Well it's your wedding. Don't tell them that you don't have the money for it, just let them know that it's really down to you and her to decide how the wedding is going to be. If they offer financial help, it is up to the both of you to decide if you take it or not. But it's YOUR day. Congrats on that!

Answer 15

if the girlfriend FAMILY want the big wedding - tell them to pay for it!

Answer 16

Have the wedding you can afford. You do not want to start a marriage off in debt, especially with a baby on the way (congrats!). If her family wants an expensive wedding, they should offer to pay for it, or keep their opinions to themselves. They should know that you are doing the smart thing for you and your soon to be wife and child.

Answer 17

if you cant afford an expensive wedding. if ur gf's family wants an expensive wedding that bad then they cAN PAY FOR IT

Answer 18

I think that if they want an elaborate wedding they should put out the money for it.  Maybe you can have your gf talk to them about it, explain the situation and what you just told us.. and try to get them to understand.  If they won't pay for it, just explain that you are both adults and would rather spend your money on more practical things than just one day... That sounds like the more responsible adult thing to do anyway, hopefully they'll understand.  Good luck!

Answer 19

If they want an elaborate wedding, I believe the Brides parents are supposed to pay for the wedding anyway. So let them know that whatever they wish to pay for is fine with you.

Answer 20

first off congrats...second i think you need and your FW need to talk to her parents and see if they are going to help pay otherwise just go down to the courthouse and you can always have a big wedding latter on. Also, DO NOT USE A CREDIT CARD! If you cant pay for it with cash/check then dont get it....its one day and its not worth going in to debt for it!

Answer 21

Well for starters, it's not up to the parents, it's up to you and her. Tell her you love her, but you simply can't afford this. Talk about how you were saving this money for the future and stuff.

Answer 22

if you and your girlfriend do not want an elaborate wedding, and her family is pressuring you to have one, than they should be the ones footing the bill.

Answer 23

You should talk to your fiance, and tell her your budget for the wedding. Give her an amount, if possible, so she understands what you mean. Im sure she would agree that its better to be able to afford things for the home and the baby.

If her parents want to contribute to the wedding, they will offer. Otherwise, you two should work around the budget and keep her family out of it. They shouldnt be talking about an elaborate wedding unless they are paying for it.

Answer 24

The important piece of information we need to know is where does your fiancee stand on this? If she disagrees with you on how much money you two can spend then you two need to discuss and come up with a budget. If she agrees with you then skip to the next step.

Sit down, all four of you, and discuss wedding plans. Start out by explaining how much you and your fiancee can contribute, and say what you want to spend that on. If they object, tell them that they are welcome to pay for whatever extras they want.

If, however, you have other reasons for not wanting a big wedding, then you will have to negotiate with them too, as this is their day also, not just for the two of you.

Best of luck, and congratulations!

Answer 25

Well, typically the bride's family pays for the wedding and the groom pays for the honeymoon.

You should talk to her, because if that is the case she can have whatever kind of wedding she wants, haha.

If they expect you to pay, you need to talk to your girlfriend about being a little more realistic, and explaining your financial situation. she loves you, she'll understand.

Answer 26

Discuss your concerns with your fiancee since you can feel more comfortable talking with her about money issues.  Also, she will understand your desire to provide for your baby.  She will know what her parents have in mind... if they are going to pay for it, etc.  The big wedding is normally for the girl anyway.

Answer 27

I would first express these feelings to your fiance.

Tell her that this money is saved for the baby. (That money is very important-baby's are expensive).

Express that you want a nice wedding as well-but how will you pay for it all?

After this is talked about between the two of you-either she or both should talk to her parents about the cost.

Hope all works out well for you!

Answer 28

You need to sit down with your gf and her family and discuss budget.  If they offer to pay for the elaborate wedding, why not let them?!?!?  If not you need to talk about what you can afford and just lay it all out on the table.  

My parents have offered to pay for our reception (the most expensive part).  My fiancee is still under the impression that he has to pay fo rthe entire thing.  If my parents have offered to pay, I'd like to let them.  It does mean that they go to check out all the reception venues with us, but we can deal with that.

Answer 29

Lol Seriously if they said that I would insist they pay for it then because they insisted on it being expensive even though it's your wedding the other reasons you need the money for are MORE important trust I know I'm 18 and saving up money for the same thing (G/F Pregnant as well)  

Answer 30

you and gf need to establish right away that this is YOUR wedding, not theirs.  it's common for parents to want to impress their friends by showing off their spending power, and if they want to foot the bill, fine.  however, that means they will be calling the shots and it will become THEIR wedding.  you can't have it both way, sadly.  

step one is for you and gf to come up with your plan on how to deal with her parents respectfully but FIRMLY

Answer 31

discuss this with your gf's family. Tell them that you need to save up the money for the future and can't waste taht much money on the wedding. Or ask them to pitch in to pay.